Retrograde ➼ cth [au]

dos

"FRIENDZONED!"

Michael fell back onto my bed howling with laughter.

"Fuck mate, you finally speak to her and she basically friendzones you!" He began roaring with laughter again.

It wasn't that fucking hilarious.

"She spoke to me, mate. She fucking spoke to me first. So fuck you." I whacked him over the head with my folders, which unfortunately only lead him to continue his bellowing.

"Yeah, and she calls you a friend. That's worse than calling you nothing at all!"

He rolls over and sits up, still laughing and shaking his head, muttering "fucking friendzone how awful" to himself. Out of nowhere my little sister appears at the door and states,

"If I hear either of you idiots talking about the sexist, yet more misogynistic, topic that is 'the friendzone'," she raises her hands to show air quotations, "I will throw you Xbox out the window."

Michael clutches at his heart and falls back, replying, "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." She shoots back.

"Don't worry mate," I sigh to Michael, who's now decided to sit up and glare at my sister. "She's all interested in the opposing sides of the friendzone argument because she has to write a paper on what she thinks sexism is and give a relative example. She'll chill out by next week."

"JUST BECAUSE WOMEN AREN'T ALLOWED TO VOICE THEIR SEXUAL DESIRES IN THE SAME WAY THAT MEN DO DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT'S OKAY FOR MEN TO SAY GIRLS FRIENDZONE THEM WHEN IF A GIRL WAS TO SAY THAT ABOUT A GUY WHO REJECTED HER SHE'D ASSUME SHE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG FOR NOT MEETING THE STUPIDLY HIGH STANDARDS THAT MEN SET OUT THESE DAYS, WHILST GUYS COMPLAIN THAT THEY MAKE A BIT OF EFFORT WITH A GIRL AND AREN'T REPAYED BY THE GIRLS JUMPING ON THEM AND RETURNING THE FAVOUR IN A SEXUAL MANNER, AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT WHETHER A RELATIONSHIP IS PLATONIC OR ROMANTIC, EFFORT MUST BE MADE ANYWAY." I hear coming from my sister's room across the hall.

"Maia, shut the fuck up!" I shout from my room. "No one gives a shit about you reciting your goddamn assignment!"

"Well Maia," Michael begins, and I shoot him daggers. He ignores me. "Although I understand that you've chosen a topic in which the sexism is mainly female-dominated, do not forget that not all men set 'stupidly high standards' and expect favours to be returned in a sexual manner...besides your brother here, that is."

Michael falls back cackling again as I thump him over the head with a nearby pillow. I huff and get off my bed, heading to my desk and turning on my laptop.

My Facebook page appears and I go to check my notifications. Luke Hemmings has mentioned you in a comment. I click it and it leads to a meme of soldiers bowing their heads before graves with the caption, 'a moment of silence for our brother in the friendzone'. I grunt in frustration and ignore his comment, clicking back to the homepage. I hear Michael's laughter again, signalling that he saw the photo as Luke tagged him too.

As I'm meaninglessly scrolling down my homepage, my laptop beeps and a (1) icon appears in my friend request section. I click it, expecting it to be one of my mom's friends, because of her new found love of tagging me in everything she posts, but it turns out to be someone else.

'Katrina Gray has sent you a friend request'.

"Duuuuuude, you'll never guess who just sent me a friend request!" I turn laptop towards Michael and lean back in my chair, smiling smugly.

"Hmm," Michael squints at the screen and leans over. "She's made another step towards placing you in the friendzone...nice one, mate."

"I'm not in the fucking friendzone," I mumble as I turn my laptop back towards me and stare at the request.

Do I accept it now? Is it too soon? Will I look too desperate?

"Just accept the damn thing before I do it for you," Michael says as those he read my mind, without even looking up from his phone. "Before she forget who you are."

I roll my eyes but slide the cursor over the 'Accept' button and click.

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this is short af but i don't care i don't think i've updated in like a year or something idk lmaoooo can't remember the last time i was online lol ok hi friends pls vote and comment bc it makes me feel special bc then people are actually reading what im writing and im not wasting my time when i should be revising for exams lol

((taking precautions ok: i stg if anyone tries to tell me that i got calum's sister's name wrong i will shove the definition of fiction down their throat bc this is fiction and not only is this calum's sister not called mali but she's also younger than him in this bC IT'S FICTION))

k thx bye

~ shay xo