Need you

fading

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
Suicide is very apparent in this chapter, If you think this may trigger you please skip this chapter.
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The five days leading up to the day the pudding head took those pills were some of the worst days of his life, there was so much pain, too much pain he wanted it all to go away, to free himself for the burden that was himself.

He never planned to stay home from school for five days but he just couldn't find a reason to get up so he didn't he just laid there, he laid there even when his throat became parched, even when his stomach began to hurt from hunger.

He simply laid there, the only time he actually got up was to use the bathroom, and even then he ended up spending hours inside the bathroom doing nothing, he remembered taking a shower trying to wash all the pain off his body however it didn't work, so he stayed in the shower till the water was no longer warm and instead ice cold.

The negative thoughts only got worse from there, kenma wanted to desperately call kuroo for help but no matter how much he wanted to he just could bring himself to do it, the same words kept repeating in his head in a never ending loop.

he wanted to hear his voice so much it physically pained him, he would do anything to hear kuroo one last time, to hold him in his arms, to be able to breath in his scent, to feel his soft lips on his. He could get all that if he just dialed his number, yet he felt as if he called it would only be a mistake.

Who knows what he could be doing right now, was he with his new lover? Kenma could only imagine and every time he made up a new scenario the more he missed his beloved raven head.

•••••••••••

Before kenma knew it, it was no longer Monday but early Friday morning. The pudding head ran his fingers though his hair before gripping it tightly as the phone continued to ring endlessly.

He was so tired, very tired, both physically and mentally tired. He just couldn't take it anymore, he was in unbearable pain.

Kenma kept sneaking glances at his bathroom, more specifically the cabinet under the sink,

'Those pills can make everything go away' he bit his lip

'you'll be set free if you take those pill' another voice whispered

'All your pain can disappear'

It was so tempting, but he couldn't do that to Aiya, Umi, aito, Shoyo, kuroo.... he bit down on his lip even harder then before as he resisted the urge to down the pills that will end it all.

As the metallic taste of blood touched his tongue he stopped biting down on his lip, instead he started bitting his finger nails, he stopping biting his nails when there was no nails for him to bite down on.

At that moment there was nothing stopping him from getting to those pills, it was if his body was not his own.

Kenma made his way over to the cabinet pulling the small door open to get at the many pill containers inside.

There was his sleeping pills, antidepressants, Tylenol, ibuprofen, Oxycodone, and other pills his nana owned.

No matter how hard kenma tried to pull his hand way from the pills it was no use, he could still feel and see everything around him but he had no control over his actions