One More Step

Why?

  Hey there!! First time for writing a fanfic and there will be sensitive topics in here. TW!! harmful thoughts, self harm, panicking. Enjoy!!                                                                                   

 (Rin pov)

Why? Why did this have to happen? I didn't do anything wrong. I only wanted to help, but now they all hate me. Rin cried into his hands as he let his back slide down the bathroom stall door. 

It was the first day back in class after he had had his fight with Amaimon. Everything had changed. No one trusted him even though he had put his life on the line to protect them. 

It was all so stupid! Why did I think they would treat me the same now that they know who I really am. What I really am, a monster! Rin started to cry harder as his breathing became even more unstable. He couldn't deal with the thoughts running through his head. Monster. Demon. Worthless. Unstable. A mess. Why are you even still here? No one wants you. 

"No. That's not true..." Rin's voice waivered as he spoke. "I still have Yukio." he said this as if he was trying to convince himself. I do still have Yukio, right? Or has he left me too? Does anyone care? 

Rin hugged his arms close to his body, his nails digging into his arms. His breathing began to speed up and blood trickled down from where his nails were splitting his skin. His vision began to get spotty and turned black just as he heard someone open the bathroom door.

Time Skip while rin bleeds out :P

Rin woke up with his arms and throat aching. Looking down, he saw the dried blood going down from where his nails had dug in. Sighing, he stood up, which he immediately regretted. The world spun around him while he grabbed the sides of the stall to stop himself from falling.

Leaving the stall, he walked over to one of the sinks and started to clean the blood from his arms and fingers. As he looked up, Rin saw just how much if a mess he was. His eyes were all puffy from crying and had streaks on his face from where the tears had fallen down his face. Sighing again, he grabbed his bag and threw on his sweatshirt after drying himself off.

Feeling exhausted, Rin started walking back to his dorm after checking the time. 5:38. Yukio is going to be so mad. He thought, a small amount of panic welling up inside him. How am I going to explain why I'm so late?  

After turning the last corner, Rin gulped and opened the door to the dorm he and Yukio shared. After looking around he saw that Yukio was nowhere in sight. Sighing in relief, he laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling thinking. How am I supposed to go back to that class, if you could even call it that.

Flash back to before rin had a panic attack :>

Walking into class with a broad smile on his face and worry deep in his stomach, Rin slowly opened the classroom door. The first thing he saw was the look of mixed disgust and fear plastered on his friend's faces. 

"Hey guys!" he said cheerily. This was greeted with complete silence. Feeling awkward, he tried to lessen the tension with a simple conversation starter. "How's everyone doing?" The anxiety in his stomach began to swell and rise, making it feel like he was going to throw up. 

"W-what is he doing here!" Rin heard a shaky voice ask from the back of the class. His smile faltered for a second, but he quickly grinned again, though with a hint of sadness behind it. 

"Yea, what i-if he h-hurts someone!" another voice spoke up,, and this time Rin's smile fell completely. So this is what they think of me. They think I'm going to go berserk again. Rin's tail fell slowly to the ground as he realized he wasn't welcome anymore.

"I won't hurt anyone. I'm still the same Rin, nothing has changed." Rin spoke sadly looking at the ground. 

"Nothing's changed?! But you are the son of Satan! A-a-a DEMON!" It was Konekomaru's voice that spoke up. It made sense to Rin why he was scared, but it still hurt Rin a lot to ear those words from someone who he considered his friend.

"Is that how you all see me? Just a demon?" Rin looked up, his brows furrowed. He didn't understand why so much had changed. "Why did anything change? Nothing changed. Even before you knew, I was still the son of him. The son of SATAN!" he shouted that last word with hatred, which scared most of the class, causing them to fall quiet.

"Why are you even here?" a voice broke the silence. Rin looked up to who was speaking. It was Bon.

"W-what do you mean? I'm here to become an exor-" Rin started, but was cut off.

"No, why is a bastard demon like you doing here." Bon's words were laced venom that caused Rin to fall silent.

"Y-yea! Why are you here? To hurt us?" other voices joined after what Bon had said. Soon it had become yelling, which even Bon seemed surprised at.

Not being able to handle it, Rin ran from the room, trying to escape the hateful voices.

Flashback ends

Rin stood up from his bed and walked to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. Disgusting. You are just a lazy, stupid, useless demon. Tears began to fall from his eyes as  he gripped the edge of the sink. Letting out a yell, he punched the mirror. The glass shattered and some fell. He looked up again, but this time his reflection was cracked and fragmented. 

Sliding to the floor, Rin began to sob harder. He felt so worthless and was full of so much self hatred. 

Trigger Warning (skip if you need to)

Rin looked around himself, seeing the broken shards of mirror surrounding him. He picked up a large piece, and slowly with shaking hands drew it across his arm. 

Wincing at the pain, he watched as blood began to stream from the cut he had just made. Not thinking, he did this several more times until his arm had at least ten red lines cut into them. 

Trigger Warning over

Realizing he had made quite the mess, Rin started to pick up the bathroom, thankful he had just remembered that Yukio had been sent on a mission and would be home the next day.

After he had cleaned everything up, Rin walked back into his room and changed into pajamas. Exhausted, he crawled into bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Hey there!!! I hoped you liked the first part of Just One More Step! The other updates probably won't be quite this long, I was just really motivated to start this! Let me know what you think so far, and I promise there will be bonrin, we just have to make sure to destroy everyone's lives first. The usual, you know? Anyways, until next time!! Make sure to drink lots of water and get some rest!! 

-Milo <3

Word Count: 1185