3 (jaylor) perpetual darkness and stolen sequin smiles

chapter seven.

She couldn't get that feeling out of her head. She couldn't help but feel frozen in that moment - he'd actually hit her. Slapped her hard across the face. She couldn't believe that something that small had upset him that much. Couldn't believe that he'd gotten so angry with her that he'd hit her. It was just something that she couldn't comprehend. She felt like there was an open wound on her face, but there was nothing but a faint, red glow to her cheek.
"Baby," Adam came into the bathroom, completely calm. Nothing like the man she'd seen five minutes ago. "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again, I promise you. I promise."
What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to ignore that it happened? Listen to the fact that he'd promised her he wouldn't do it again? See that look on his face that told her he was sorry for what he'd done? Or did she purely focus on the fact that he had hit her after she'd done the smallest wrong thing, on the first night that they'd lived together?
He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she couldn't help but feel as if he was studying her - studying her weight, how much skin he could feel beneath his fingers.
Taylor knew that it wasn't right. She knew that love wasn't supposed to hurt. She knew that because her Mom had always told her that love was never supposed to harm, it was never a slap or a punishment. It was never like that. And she still remembered sitting beside her as she was talking with her. Sitting on that cream coloured couch, her head leaning on her mother's shoulder. She knew that it wasn't right. She knew that he shouldn't have hit her. He'd said he was sorry, said that he wouldn't do it again.

Perhaps she knew, even then, that he was lying. Perhaps she could feel the blows that were yet to come, all those words that burned... that she hadn't heard yet. Perhaps she knew that when she chose to believe him. Believe that he could change. Believe that she could be better. Believe that it was her fault, anyway. Believe that it wouldn't happen again. Perhaps she chose to stay, chose to play the puppet in his cruel, bitter game, because the other option was so much worse. She didn't want to be alone. She knew that if she left, if she didn't stay with him, that she would end up alone again. And she couldn't be alone again. She couldn't cope with coming home to an empty house. She couldn't feel nothing again. Perhaps a part of her knew that she would spend her days thinking about his fractured promises. Perhaps she knew, even then, that she was going to become the biggest pawn in his games. He said he was sorry. That counted for something, didn't it? Taylor knew that she might never find another person that was prepared to climb into that fishbowl with her. She knew that Adam might be the only one who could put up with her, with her chaotic life, with the camera's flashing around every corner. Perhaps she was truly terrified of dealing with it all alone again. Perhaps she thought that having someone like him to come home to... was better than having no one at all.

Taylor stood in the bathroom, covering the ruby stain on her cheek. Covering any trace of it. It took three coats of concealer to make sure it looked invisible. And Adam would come over to her, he would get her to stand in the light, making sure that it couldn't be seen, before he'd kiss her and apologise to her. He'd had tears in his eyes as he'd begged for her forgiveness.
"Please, baby. I am so sorry, I just don't know what came over me..."
Taylor forgave him. He'd promised her it wouldn't happen again and she chose to believe him. She chose to put this behind her so that she wouldn't be alone again.
She didn't want to go out for dinner. She didn't want to leave the house. Taylor felt like every person in the world would be able to see that red undertone, would be able to see the fact that her eyes were sadder. She'd lost that innocence that she had when she woke up this morning. She'd lost that hope, that light. She'd just gotten it back, and she'd lost it again. She just hoped that she would be able to find it again. Maybe Adam was right, maybe it wouldn't happen again and it would go back to the way it had been before. She didn't even know what to wear. What would Adam want her to wear? She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood.
"Baby," Adam said as he came into the bedroom. "Are you alright?"
She just nodded, before pulling out a black skirt with a matching cropped black top. She hoped that he would like it.
"You look so beautiful." Adam kissed her neck as she adjusted her hair. She couldn't do much with it, just brushed it and put hairspray in it to hold it down. "I'm so lucky."
Taylor didn't know if she would ever be able to speak like a normal person again. She felt like Ariel, felt like her voice had been stolen from her. Felt like she couldn't speak at all, felt as if her voice had left her completely. She smiled at him through the mirror, but it wasn't the same smile she'd used earlier. It wasn't that smile she gave when she was in love. It didn't reach her ears, she didn't smile with her eyes.