3 (jaylor) perpetual darkness and stolen sequin smiles

chapter eight.

Karlie had invited her to a party that she was attending. Taylor had initially said no, that it wasn't really her thing. But then she'd thought about it for a while, thought about the way she wanted to forget about everything for a while, and she'd called her up this morning. She told her that she'd change her mind. It had been four months since he'd hit her that first time, but she still felt the pain of it as if it had happened an hour ago. It was always on her mind, she felt as if she was always waiting for the next blow, the next time she made him mad. They'd gotten into a couple of arguments recently, but he hadn't hit her. Taylor wondered if he really had been telling the truth about the fact that it was a one time thing. Perhaps he really had been worried about her and that was what had made him hit her. Perhaps it was that.
"You're going out?" Adam asked her. She jumped when she heard his voice. That seemed to be becoming second nature to her, seemed to be something she'd started doing whenever he popped his head around the corner. "Tonight?"
"Yes," Taylor replied as she pulled out a black leather skirt from her wardrobe. "Karlie has invited me to a party."
"Oh." Adam walked away. She could tell that he was mad with her, that he didn't want her to go out tonight. But she couldn't stay here, walking on eggshells for much longer. She needed to get out, needed that break.

Taylor spent about five minutes in her outfit, standing in front of the mirror, making sure that everything looked okay. She'd lost weight recently, ever since Adam had made that comment to her, she'd noticed that she barely ate anything now. But she couldn't stop herself from falling into the mindset. Because she knew that if she didn't look skinny enough, then Adam would leave her. And she just couldn't be alone. She couldn't come home to no one anymore.
"You're wearing that?" Adam wrapped his arms around her. She didn't like the tone of his voice, but Taylor knew better than to question him about it. She knew better than to stand up for herself. He didn't like it when she did that. Didn't like it when she had an opinion.
"Yes," Taylor murmured so quietly that she was unsure whether anything actually came out of her mouth. "Is it okay?" She knew Adam liked it when she asked him whether she looked okay. He liked to feel important.
"It's... nice." Adam kissed her cheek, the same cheek he had hit... all those months ago. "I wish you'd stay here with me. You always seem to be going and seeing your friends."
Taylor didn't know where Adam had gotten that idea from. Taylor hadn't seen any of her friends this week, hadn't even seen her mom in a couple of months. She couldn't believe Adam thought she was spending so much time with them. She was always here, always finding something to do. She knew Adam didn't like it when she was going places and doing things... so she didn't.
"It's just one night." She leaned up and kissed him, because he liked that. "I'll be back before you know it."
Adam pulled away from her, clearly frustrated by the fact she was leaving.
"What do you want me to say?" Taylor felt the words fly out of her mouth before she could stop them. "That I'll stay here with you? That I'll say no to Karlie's kind invitation and stay with you?"
Adam just looked at her with those cold eyes that she was beginning to know like the back of her hand. Those cold eyes that she never seemed to escape lately.
"Go to the party." Adam hissed. "I don't care." He walked out of the bedroom, slamming the door on his way out.
Taylor felt tears prick in her eyes but pushed them down.

"Taylor!" Karlie shrieked when she saw her, and Taylor smiled. "I'm so glad that you came!"
Taylor laughed. Oh, how easy it was to fake happiness. Taylor wondered how many people in this room were faking their happiness, faking smiles, laughing to disguise the darkness.
"Of course I came!" Taylor pulled Karlie in for a hug, so grateful for her. Karlie was still Karlie and that made her life seem a little more normal. It was almost like she could pretend that everything was normal, that her relationship with Adam was healthy, and happy. She could pretend that she was still the person she was before the pain started. Taylor knew that she would never be that person again. In fact, perhaps if she hadn't been so stupid, wearing her heart on her sleeve, she wouldn't ducking be here in the first place.