3 (jaylor) perpetual darkness and stolen sequin smiles

chapter sixteen ; epilogue.

A/N
I really suggest listening to La La Land; Mia and Sebastian's Theme (Late for the Date), while you read this chapter... if Joe and Taylor's relationship in this series had music accompany it, this would be it.

Joe glanced up from the piano for just long enough to see a break in the clouds, with sunlight pouring down upon the city like gold. It had been raining nonstop for the last two weeks, and winter was well and truly about to set in. But he wasn't expecting to see that sunlight. He'd been feeling so blue, so grey, that he hadn't even opened the curtains in days. So, when he saw the sunlight dancing across the rooftops, he couldn't help but go to the window to investigate. He couldn't help but look down onto the bustling streets, at the world below. He was a stranger to it, to that life. It was still drizzling outside, the rain mingling with the sunlight and creating a rainbow. He closed his eyes. He hadn't felt the sun on his eyelids for so long, he hadn't felt it waltz across his skin. He hadn't felt light in months. He felt the warmth begin to seep into his veins, felt his body start to awaken from the darkest days he'd experienced. He'd almost ended it all last night.

He'd almost plunged the blade too deep into his skin, almost let himself go. But something had stopped him. Something had stopped him from doing that. Instead, he'd just gone to the piano and played tirelessly through the night. So here he was, bathing in sunlight for what seemed like the first time in a year.

With the sun dancing across the city, he could see it. That place he'd envisioned. That place that he'd come to all those lonely years ago. The city of dreams. He could see the place he'd fallen in love with. He didn't even think, he needed to get out there.

For the first time in a long time, he could breathe. He could breathe deeply and eternally. He didn't know what it was about today, why the sun had appeared or why he suddenly felt so alive. But he grabbed his coat, grabbed his keys, phone and headphones, and headed out the door. He had to get out there, had to feel the drizzle, the sunlight frolic across his face, smell the rain on the pavement, feel that New York City buzz. He plugged in his headphones, scrolled through the endless playlists he'd made until he found the soundtrack to La La Land.

It seemed perfect. Before he left the apartment, he found the song. It was Mia and Sebastian's Theme, but the Late for the Date remix. He closed his eyes, opening the door, the cold New York air slapping him in the face. But he was happy. He hadn't felt anything in so long - but seeing that sunshine, seeing that light... it had brought something out in him that he'd thought that he'd lost a long time ago. Something he'd given up trying to find again.

He stepped onto the street, and the rain began to dampen his hair. Everyone else was too busy rushing around doing Christmas shopping to notice him. He walked along, the song playing on repeat. He was feeling again. He was seeing again. He was outside, the sunlight pouring over him. He could feel again. There wasn't any word that could describe that feeling. There wasn't a way to put it in a poem, there wasn't a way to describe the feeling of beginning to feel things again, after being shut in the dark for so long. Something had shifted, whether in himself, or in the universe, but something had changed. He looked up, at the rain falling from the sky, at the sun, at the streets, at the people with umbrella's dashing through the rain, and he felt like was moving in slow motion. This was the New York that he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. This was the city of dreams. He couldn't believe it - that he was feeling again. That he could feel the rain dripping from his hair, he could feel the sunlight drenching him in gold dust, he could feel that New York heartbeat start beating again. Maybe it wasn't the city he could feel - maybe it was his own heartbeat. He looked around, and these people weren't faceless anymore. They weren't faceless, because he was feeling again.

This was the city of dreams, and it always had been. The city hadn't changed, it was Joe who had changed.  It was Joe who had started to see things in black and white when New York was meant to be viewed in colour. It was Joe, who had changed. And he didn't know why, all of a sudden, he could feel again. Why he could start to see in colour, why he could feel everything all at once.

Being able to feel again after being numb to it all, was one of the most... indescribable feelings. It was the sort of feeling that one only felt after living in nothing but darkness, after drowning in an ocean with no light, with no hand to pull you to safety. Joe felt his heart beating, felt water drip onto his face, felt the wind pushing him forward... felt everything that he'd be too numb to notice before. He walked through the busy streets, not caring in the slightest that he was the only person walking around without an umbrella. He didn't care that people were looking at him - because fuck, he was feeling things again.

He came across a coffee shop, and taking a break from the rain, he went inside. The place was quiet, and he'd never been to it before, but he wanted to get something to drink. He was feeling again.
"Did you forget your umbrella?" The girl who served him asked, and he chuckled. Was this what it felt like to feel things? To see the light?
He nodded. "I guess I did," He smiled. He paid for his drink and turned around to find a quiet corner of the room to sit and listen to his music in.

And that's when he saw her. The most beautiful woman he'd ever had the privilege of seeing.

The woman from his dreams, the woman that he'd held in his imagination. The person that had saved him, and she didn't even know it. Joe sighed. He was not going to fuck this up. He was not going to spend another three years regretting that he didn't go up to her. He was not going to let her slip from his reach again. He was not going to let her fade into nothing but a figment of his imagination. He was not going to do that again. He was feeling things again, and all of a sudden, he knew why. He knew why he hadn't left New York, why he'd stayed. He'd stayed, because he was meant to be here, right at this moment. He was meant to be here. He was meant to speak to her - he'd been given another chance, and he wasn't going to let it go. He wasn't going to let her go. Not this time. Not ever again.

So. Joe took a deep breath, following that golden string right to the other end, and walked over to her.

"Taylor?"

-

the end.

I wrote this listening to the song I mentioned at the start of this chapter, and I had tears in my eyes.

That feeling of finally being able to feel things again in something that can't be described, but I hope that you could get a little idea of what it's like from this chapter.

Taylor and Joe's story is something so beautiful that it can barely be described. And although this book is short than I'd hoped it would be, I still love it. And I think this chapter is my favourite chapter I've ever written.

Thank you again for reading this book with me, you all make me so happy, you are all just so golden.

So, now it's time for book four...
Which will take place a few years after the second book ended. I am so excited to write it - I've missed writing about happy Joe and Taylor! I hope you'll like it 💛

So, here is the cover of book four - gleaming twilight and an infinite afterglow - is published! Thanks again, for everything, I can't wait to see you in book four!