hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 12

Trigger warning, violence, abuse

"So uhm," I started unsurely after spending the last hour or so talking about everything that happened in our lives since we saw each other three years ago because despite talking about it before, there was still so much to catch up on, "there's actually one more thing I wanted to talk about with you,"

I was nervous to open the topic, but I needed to get it out. It was killing me for the past couple of weeks and I knew if I didn't tell anyone, I would probably explode. Still, I didn't know how to start it, and so even after I gained the attention of both the Korean women sitting in front of me; I haven't got a single word out.

Instead, I reached for the teacup on the coffee table with my trembling hands, and brought it up to my lips, taking a sip. My throat had dried up, and I desperately needed the soothing liquid so though I initially just took a sip, I ended up drinking the entire content of the cup up. And yet, for some reason, I still felt choked up, my mouth as dry as a desert.

The two women seemed to understand, as they waited patiently for me to speak up about what was bothering me. What made the whole thing easier, though, was the look of concern they looked at me with. Despite everything, they harbored kind feelings towards me and cared about my wellbeing as much as they used to before everything went down.

It wasn't supposed to surprise me anymore after the hours-long talks we had about it, yet it never failed to amaze me that in spite of everything, we were here now, together again. Not all of us, but more than I could ever ask for. I had my family back, and they were willing to look past my mistakes and welcome me back with open arms and loving smiles. Still, I didn't feel like I was deserving of it.

"It's about the text I sent to you," I looked at the brunette who furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but her expression soon turned into a knowing one as it registered with her, and I knew I could continue, "Several weeks ago, I sent Jennie a quick text to ask where Lisa worked at," I explained seeing that Jisoo seemingly didn't know what I was talking about and I was a little surprised to learn Jennie didn't share it with her.

"When you asked about it, I didn't give you an answer. I was too paralyzed after everything that went down, that I couldn't bear to talk about anything that was even relatively related to the subject.

I'm grateful you didn't push me into telling you and being patient with me. But I feel like after what happened, it's the right time to tell you. Because in all honesty, I don't know what to do next," I ran a hand through my hair as I took a deep breath, the recollection of memories crashing down on me like an avalanche, covering me in memories that wouldn't stop coming, and making it hard for me to breathe.

"It's okay, Chaeng," Jennie said, her tone gentle and pacifying, noticing the change in my demeanor, "We already know,"

"Y-you do?" I asked incredulously and somehow I felt a little better knowing that despite pretending not to even know me, the girl was affected enough to seek the companionship of her friends.

"Of course we do. It was in the first magazine since your husband bought the company,"

"What?" this time it was my turn to frown in confusion as I looked at the brunette, perplexed.

"That's why you texted, right? Chanyeol bought the company, and you wanted to know if it was the one Lisa worked at,"

"Well, yeah..." I trailed off and looked down to my lap, playing with the ring on my index finger out of habit, not sure how to process the information that Lisa didn't care, at all.

Of course, I couldn't hold it against her. I brought it upon myself, but I didn't know how to convey that to my heart that began hurting once again. And I couldn't help but think that I really was the only one suffering. That she no longer gave a damn about me. I had to remind myself that it was better this way when I felt tears brimming my eyes. That I wanted this for her.