hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 14

I couldn't be cooped up in the ladies' restroom forever, I knew that. I had to come out at some point and the longer I stayed, the more suspicious it would get. So as much as I wanted to, I had to leave. I couldn't stay hiding there.

After the sobs stopped and my body stopped trembling, I sat on the cold floor with my head in my hands. That was all I could do, really. That and trying to regulate my breathing. Trying to banish all the thoughts that chased me in here, in the first place. It's harder than it sounds. And though I wasn't completely okay, I stood up on wobbly legs.

Of course, I wasn't okay. How could I? None of the things that happened would ever go away. The things he's done to me would haunt me forever, no matter how much I wished I could just forget them. I couldn't. I would never be okay. Not the way I used to. But for now, I had to pretend like I was. Like this little stunt, I pulled wasn't more than a sickness associated with my pregnancy.

I was a mess. Mascara smeared around my eyes, some dripping down my cheeks as I dared to look at my reflection in the mirror. Thankfully, no one other than me was here, so I didn't have to face the embarrassment that meeting someone while I looked like this would bring. For once, I was happy I was alone.

Washing my face with cold water, I dared to look up in the mirror one more time before I left to berate myself. I had to make sure that though he wasn't here, I would do the job for him and remind myself of my place. Of what I've become under the influence his grip on my neck brought.

Though my body was no longer quivering, I found it hard to stand because my legs felt like jello. With each step, it felt like my knees would buckle and I'd fall to the ground once more. I did my best to remain strong though and keep myself up as I walked out of the restrooms and faced the wide hallway.

No one was waiting by the door to make sure I was okay. Not Chanyeol and not one of his employees who he'd send to do his job for him. And once again, I was grateful I was alone. It would make it so much harder if I came face to face with him first thing after what I've just gone through. Not that he wouldn't be the first person I'd see anyway, but I appreciated the time I had to prepare myself for facing him.

Heads no longer turned as I walked past the rushed workers, trying to complete their tasks within the given deadline. For once, I didn't feel like they were scrutinizing me, judging me, with their focused eyes trailing my body up and down as if looking for any clue of who I really was. Being invisible. That was just what I needed as I walked steadily, not wanting to attract any attention, with my head hung low. I was no one. Just another person walking among many.

I passed both secretaries before his office without acknowledgment from either of them and once again stepped into the office, which walls felt like they were suffocating me. I could've sworn the room shrank the second my feet crossed the doorway. My lungs constricted and I could barely draw a breath in. For a brief moment, I thought if perhaps this was how heavy smokers felt.

My heart was growing heavier and though I haven't stopped walking, it felt like I wasn't any nearer than I was five steps before. The closer I came, the further the desk and the monster sitting behind it appeared. Though I was wearing heels and the way I carried myself was usually graceful, this time it felt as if I wore iron boots, and each time my feet touched the ground, it shook below me under the pressure.

His hands were clasped together before his face, and I could barely make out his pursed lips. Black eyes, colder than usual and reserved, watched my every move like a hawk stalking its prey. Anxiety was no longer the only thing I felt, as I was becoming self-conscious under his gaze.

The walk over to him was probably the most agonizing fifteen seconds of my life and each step that brought me closer to his hunched over form made my heart leap with nerves. And though I had a perfectly made-up explanation for my sudden departure from his office, I couldn't help but fear what he would say.