hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 16

As the sun has risen to the sky, announcing a fresh start, I was determined to try again. New day, new me, right?

It wasn't exactly easy getting past the newly occurred events, but every time I would remember our last encounter and the things that followed, I just had to shake my head and think about something else. That wasn't exactly easy either, but what other option did I have.

And though these were my thoughts at the moment, I haven't found my resolve as easily. In fact, I was avoiding going to the YG building like the plague the last few weeks, making up excuses for Chanyeol why it would be impossible for me to deliver his lunch. Sometimes they were feeble attempts at an excuse, other times not so much.

My baby bump was more visible now than before, having grown gradually over time, and unfortunately so did the symptoms. Sometimes I would just feel off and sick the entire day, that I wouldn't have gone even if I wasn't trying to avoid a problem that needed my tending.

Thankfully, after the last conversation I had with Chanyeol, he seemed to be more understanding, though it still bugged him when I was being, and I quote, "An insufferable bitch,". However, he seemed to get it through his thick skull that my mood swings weren't exactly something I had power over, so instead of punishing me with his hands, he settled for harsh words.

Albeit, I knew it was only a matter of time till his nerves would snap, with my neck joining in. My pregnancy never stopped him before when he got enraged, so I wouldn't be counting on it stopping him next time. But for now, I tried to relish in a relatively peaceful environment.

Of course, nothing was perfect. It never was with him, and I still had to do some things I wanted to chop my limbs off after, but he took it easier on me. I really had to focus on the positives because I knew that if I started thinking as any other normal person would, I'd probably crumble down once again. So though it was nowhere near perfect, it was better than what I was used to. And I appreciated even the slightest change for the better.

I thought a lot about the songs I've read during the hours upon hours I've had to myself. My days were lonely seeing as I wasn't brave enough to face Jisoo and Jennie after how I snapped at Lisa, even though they seemed to understand. Not to mention, I felt like a burden to the two. I mean, surely they had better things to do than deal with their mentally unstable friend who kept messing up.

Sometimes I played a little, sometimes I just read the words written across the music sheets. It didn't get any easier, but I thought that if I'm already avoiding the problem, might as well face the other one.

I've read through all the pages, analyzing song by song, focusing on the heartfelt words of a broken soul. And albeit I was avoiding the black-haired woman both in life and in thoughts, my mind always came back to her the second I let my eyes run across the paper.

Unlike the first time, though, I didn't lose my composure anymore unless I played. I managed to keep the tears at bay most of the time. But being a pregnant woman made me all the more emotional, so though I handled my tears well most of the time, other times not so much. And even on the better days, I at least got teary-eyed.

However, though painful at times, thanks to the songs I could see things more clearly. Well, that and the wise words I've heard from the married couple. I didn't want to end up like Jennie's ghostwriter, full of regrets, never truly healed from past trauma. I wanted to move on one day, with or without the person whose company I craved the most.

Though I already knew that being with her would never happen again. But I let myself believe, have a little hope. That really was the only thing keeping me going. After all, hope is the only thing stronger than fear, and the more time has passed, the more terrified I got.