hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 36

Legs tangled under the sheets, sliding against each other with every movement. Feeling her soft, delicate skin everywhere we touched. Her chest heaving under me with every breath she took, heart beating directly under me, ringing in my ears. My hand on her abdomen, caressing her taut muscles with my fingertips, tracing over their defined shape.

Her arm around my back, holding me close to her as if I were about to disappear any second, drawing mindless circles into the soft skin, disturbed by scars I couldn't hide. But she didn't seem to mind any of it; if anything, it's like she loved me even more for all of them. The other hand tangled in my ruffled locks, undoing the small knots and scratching my skull, making me purr into the touch and inhale her comforting scent deeply.

We've been like this for a while. Just the two of us. With the sun setting behind us, bathing the room in orange light. At this moment, I forgot about everything. Everyone. It was just the two of us; Lisa and I. No one else in the world existed. Time stopped. I couldn't hear or focus on anything other than the sound of her heart, its beating matching my own, her breath hitting my skin.

I've always dreamt of this, whether it was a nightmare or a blissful dream; this was all I've ever wanted. I used to think the only way to get here was by flying up high, reaching the skies, and entering heaven where everything was perfect; where everything was ideal. But I knew, now more sure than ever, that heaven wasn't up there but right here; in Lisa's arm. Everything I needed was on the ground, waiting to be rediscovered, and I was glad I didn't miss it. That despite all the hardships I pulled through. Because finally, after what felt like an eternity, I found heaven.

My lips made contact with her skin, placing a delicate kiss on her sternum as I exhaled with a smile now permanently etched into my face. Well, maybe not permanently because, after all, things change. But for now, it felt like it would last for an eternity. I couldn't think of a single reason I would ever be unhappy again, and I refused to give it more thought. Because right at this moment, I was here, and that was all that mattered. All that mattered was I was finally home again.

I almost forgot what it felt like - to be home. Almost forgot that it wasn't a place but a person's arms encircling your body and shielding you from the horrors of the real world. It wasn't a college dorm room, a mansion in Seoul, a penthouse in Manhattan, or a loft in Brooklyn. It was Lisa, always has been. And as long as I was with her, no matter where I would always be home. Always.

In just the last couple of hours, I felt more loved than in the entire three years that we've spent apart. Even before she told me, I could feel it, though I refused to let myself believe it was love. Because the word felt so foreign to me now; so unrealistic. Like a fairytale, you read to children at night just before they fall asleep. Something made up to give you hope in the world that's soon to crush you. I refused to hope that there was any love in her heart reserved for me when all we've done was hurt each other.

Yet there was, and I could feel it so strongly. I could feel it in every kiss, the way her lips caressed mine, our tongues dancing, feeling each other. I could feel it in the touches that were so delicate, as if she was worried she would hurt me or trigger a memory; as if I was fragile goods, having to be taken care of with the utmost delicacy. To some, it might seem annoying, irritating even, but to me it meant everything. It was the safety and the reassurance I so desperately needed. And she understood even though I didn't tell her. She knew exactly what I needed and gave it to me in the best way she could. And that alone spoke the three words louder than anything could.

Because she showed me with her actions, just how much she cared; just how much she loved me. When she nudged my nose with hers, welcoming me back, I felt the overwhelming love flooding out of her beautiful eyes, staring straight into my broken soul, and unknowingly mending all the pieces back together. I felt it in the kiss we shared afterward, short of hunger but so full of passion and emotions we were suppressing for far too long. And I felt it when I lied down on her chest and her arms immediately pulled me closer, seeking the contact and body heat.