Obliviate {Draco Malfoy}

Chapter 7

A/N: A moment of appreciation for the gif. That's all, enjoy! 

I think everyone around me knows that I can sometimes make mistakes. I'm human, I mess up sometimes, it happens. Yet, even considering every ill decision I've made, I still like to believe I am no moron.

Yes, I've had a hard time passing Transfigurations this year...which is quite an easy subject when you really put your mind to it. Yes, these past couple of months have been the highlight of my bad decisions, like for example letting myself fall in love with the biggest asshole who's ever roamed Hogwart's grounds. And yes, in case you're wondering, he roams the same halls Voldemort roamed back in his years as a student, that's all I'm going to say about that.

Point is, I've got my fare share of experiences where my brain didn't work to its full ability. I did almost get killed by my uncle because I walked directly into his trap, and I did get completely fooled by Clover's friendly act without having the slightest suspicion of her true colors. My judgment may be poor at times, but at the end of the day, I make more good decisions than I do bad. I won't start naming them, though, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

This has led me to wonder; if I'm mentally capable of analyzing a situation and coming to a reasonable conclusion, why in the world did I ever think agreeing to be friends with Malfoy was actually a good idea? 

I don't think I'll ever stop asking myself this question. And, as I lay on one of the common room's many couches, I can't seem to come up with an answer to justify myself either.

Why the fuck would I do that? First of all, how am I going to actually be friends with someone who screwed me over and never even apologized for it? I'm not over what happened that dreadful night inside the Transfigurations classroom, not even close to it. I haven't found it in me to forgive him, mostly because I've never even seen the slightest bit of remorse come from any part of Draco Malfoy. I've only seen the opposite, really. Him taunting me around, gloating about how I 'slipped him a love potion'. He made fun of me, humiliated me in front of everyone, and didn't even apologize for any of it.

How could I possibly be friends with someone who I'm still angry at? Who has done nothing to get me to forgive him...well except saving my life the other day...but that's besides the point. That just shows he's at least a halfway descent human being who doesn't let people die, not that he's sorry for what he's done.

...well, maybe it does show he's at least a little sorry...

Ugh! I don't even know!

All I know is that I'm not over it. I'm not over any of it. How could I be? It's only been, what, a month? That's very little time for a girl to get over the fact that the boy she was so deeply in love with turned out to be with her just so he could get his sick revenge on her. It shouldn't be this way. He should be begging me to forgive him, he should be moving buildings in order to win me back. Yet, all he had to do was lift his hand for me to shake and I was already agreeing to a whole ass friendship with him. Just like that. I gave it to him so easily...god, he must think I'm desperate to have him back now, when in the moment I thought it'd give him a completely opposite impression.

I cringed at my own thoughts, closing my eyes as I brought my hands up to my scrunched face. I'm such an idiot, such a desperate, foolish, impulsive idiot.

Do I need an apology in order to forgive him at this point? I mean, he saved my life, there's no denying that. Maybe I should just take that as closure and move on so I can actually be his friend.

But that's the thing, though, I can't be his friend. Even if I forgive him, there's still the fact that I'm still deeply and utterly in love with him, or at least with who I thought he was before he fucked me over. I've not given myself time to actually get over him, to enjoy my Draco free life and forget him for good. My feelings for him are intact, no matter how much I try to deny them, they're still there.