Arranged or love?

Chapter 3

Zubaida

I walked into the room, it was getting dark, I walked towards the window and saw the sun glowing a deep orange, the sky streaked with red and pink hues. The sun was setting. The sounds of birds chirping reached my ears, the sound was so joyous, pure and I felt it penetrate into my heart, I placed my hands over my ears I couldn’t stand the noise, their chirping or the sound of their freedom. Not when I felt trapped, suffocated and unsure of my destiny. I closed my eyes from the throbbing in my head rubbing my temples to try and ease some of the tension- it felt as if my head was going to explode. I needed to change, to have a shower to wipe away the grime, the dried tears, the make up that I so carefully applied. I needed to wash myself, maybe it would wash away my pain and anguish.

I walked towards my suitcase and took out my pyjamas and towel and walked into the en-suite bathroom, my brother had saved this room for me, I didn’t have an en-suite in my house, so when I helped him choose his house I told him I was taking one of the rooms with the en-suite bathrooms. Me and Rahim had argued over it, but as usual I had won. Adnan had agreed as usual. I slowly closed the door, locked it, stripped myself of my clothes, switched on the shower to maximum pressure and stood under. The hot water washed away everything, I swashed my hair vigorously, scrubbed every inch of my body but yet I couldn’t wash away the pain, the betrayal, the anger and the sickness. Why couldn’t I forget damn it? Why? I closed my eyes, the pain in my head almost unbearable but all I saw was my father’s face, his cold, emotionless face. The knife, the way he laughed. The names he called me, the way he grabbed me by the hair. I shook my head, I tried to remove the images from my head, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I screamed and threw my shampoo bottle and the body wash across the room. I pounded the wall with my fists until my hands went numb with pain. My body racked with my sobs, why had he done this? All I did my entire life was try to make him proud. Especially after the most painful experience I had after my mother died. I was blamed for something I didn’t do, I had fallen in his eyes, he told me as much yet I scrambled to make him proud and I abided by his every order. I told him that after what I had been through I was never going to marry and he listened and hope bloomed in my heart. Yet he heard but he didn’t listen.  No one listened.

My legs buckled and I collapsed to the ground, my tears mixing with the water, I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, I let it all go, the pain I had to go through years ago and the pain I felt now. It was too much. I cried loudly, my sobs echoing in the room as I sat on the ground. I cried and cried and cried until I had no tears and then I cried some more, my body heaving. He had betrayed me, like I had been betrayed before. I felt alone; I had nobody to share my pain with. Nobody at all.  

I can’t remember how long I stayed there, on the ground, underneath the hot shower water. I couldn’t remember the door being kicked in, or Lyba and Ruksana rushing in and switching the shower off. I couldn’t remember them drying me, putting my clothes on and I couldn’t remember my brothers picking me up and laying me in my bed. All I remember was I had welcomed the darkness that had beckoned me, I welcomed it with open arms, I welcomed it as it made me forget.

I parted my lips, they were dry and cracked, eurgh, I didn’t some seriously strong lip balm, my head was pounding, my throat was dry, my body felt like lead. I licked my dry lips and slowly cracked my eyes open and blinked. I felt so warm, surrounded my softness, I could hear voices, soothing voices and angry voices. Who was it, why were they talking in hushed tones, where was I? I gently moved my arms, it was a mattress, how did I end up in my bed? I was in the bathroom? I was clothed, who put my clothes on?

“Adnan,” I croaked, ouch my throat was dry and speaking was painful, the images before my eyes were blurred, I blinked a few times and tried to sit up. “Hush little one”, someone said- that someone was Adnan. He hadn’t called me his little one, in a long, long time, it felt good to hear. I tried to sit up but he placed his hands on my shoulders and laid me down. “What happened, where am I?” I asked him, looking around the room, I saw Rahim sat on the left side of me, Lyba was sat beside my head, she reached out and tucked a lock of my hair back, stroking my head gently. Ruksana was at the foot of my bed, she stopped pacing after she heard my voice, and I could make out that annoying man in the corner, watching me with those green, hawk like eyes.  He smiled when he saw me watching him- who the hell was he? It felt as if I had seen him before but I couldn’t remember where.  

“You had passed out in the shower,” Adnan said as he held my hand in his large, warm ones, “you had been crying, we thought it was best to leave you alone, but after a while when you didn’t come out we got worried. You wouldn’t reply when we banged on the door, so we had to kick it down, and Lyba and Ruksana changed you and we brought you into the room.” I groaned, typical, of all places I had to pass out in the damn bathroom, naked, while I was in the shower. Kill me now, how embarrassing! As if reading my mind Lyba’s lips quirked and she bent down and whispered in my ear “don’t worry nobody but me and Ruksana came into the bathroom, and we didn’t let anyone in until you were decent.”  

I sighed with relief, thank god!

“Here babe, have some water” Lyba said, lifting the glass up from the bedside table, Rahim and Adnan eased me up into a sitting position, my hands automatically reached up for my throbbing head. Dear God would the pain never end, I parted my lips welcoming the cool clear liquid into my eager mouth. It was a balm to my dry, sore throat, and I drank greedily, only stopping when the glass was finished. Adnan smiled and reached out to stroke my cheek, I couldn’t help it but I flinched back from his touch. I felt raw. My dad’s behaviour had sent me over the edge and I needed to keep my distance from everyone. I saw a flash of pain in Adnan’s eyes as he acknowledged it, he knew I was hurting but the scars I got from my father were only surface deep. He didn’t know of my despair that I had to face today, the pain that I buried so deep inside of me. Nobody knew except Ruksana. I sought her out and she looked at me, my pain was reflected in her face- she understood.

“How are you feeling chicken?” asked the man, the annoying man, from before, I looked at him, chicken, he called me a chicken! He grinned as I glared at him, what was he doing here. “Adnan who’s this annoying, obnoxious man” I asked through gritted teeth, I looked away from him. Arguing with him was the last thing I needed, I looked at Lyba, who looked from me to him and I swear I saw a small smile on her face that disappeared as soon as I acknowledged it.  “Why are you asking your brother chicken? Ask me, I swear I don’t bite,” he retorted as he laughed. Showing me a dazzling pair of straight, white teeth. I smiled at him and looked away, for some reason I couldn’t look him in his eyes. He seemed to strip me bare when he looked in my eyes; it was as if he could look into the part of me that was under lock and key. He unnerved me and for that reason he needed to keep his distance.

“Fine, who are you?” I asked still not looking at him, I heard footsteps and then BAM he was stood in front of my face. “I’m Adam, Lyba’s brother,” he said, giving me another one of his heart stopping smiles. He held out his hand, but I didn’t take it. Lyba smiled at me, I felt like a fool unbelievable, they looked nothing alike.

He had dark green eyes, jet- black hair, was at least six foot, lean with broad shoulders. He was good looking. Very good looking. “Nice to meet you,” I muttered still not looking him in the eye- he was so right I was a chicken.