Arranged or love?

Chapter 14: Trust me?

Sorry for the extremely long delay in updating. I have been extremely ill and then I had exams- which I missed so I now have to sit them in August. I have had a really rough few months, but I'm back!!!

So enjoy and please- vote, comment and fan if you like :D xxxx

Chapter 14: Trust me

Zubaida’s POV

The crass word spray painted on the car flashed in my mind again and again, it sickened me to the core and I wanted to do nothing more than scream, scream out all the anger and pain and frustration that had been bottled up for so long. My head was swimming, my ordeal being replayed in my mind like a scene that is put onto replay. Just looking at him made my skin crawl- so how on earth was I supposed to marry him?

I felt scared and alone.

Would I ever find peace?

Would my ordeal ever be over?

The silence in the car had been eating away at my already frayed nerves and I know Adam wanted to ask me why I had refused- however he was still trying to find a way to bring about the simple question that would turn everyone’s lives upside down. And if I had told them about what had happened after the ordeal I think it would be safe to say that any peaceful relations that existed  between the two families would be a thing of the past. How could I do this to them? A part of me wanted to confide into someone, my brothers, Lyba or even Adam, but my people-pleasing side was waving a finger at me- NO NO.

How did I go from being a girl in love, a girl who dreamed of fairy tales, and happily ever afters, who dreamed of a knight coming to sweep her off her feet galloping on his white horse- to this bitter cynical, male fearing, emotionally scarred recluse. I had one man to thank for that and one man only- the one who robbed me of my innocence.

The insults I heard today rang clear in my frayed mind and try as I might I couldn’t stop the words from playing in my mind- I was at my wits end. From the corner of my eye I saw Adam sneaking worried glances at me and it killed me inside to know that everyone saw me as a delicate, fragile thing. What I would do to erase the past and start afresh but it wasn’t going to happen. But somehow his presence next to me was soothing, it calmed me, stopped me from lashing out and screaming at the top of my lungs.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Adam swearing and slamming on the brakes, sending me flying forward, the only thing stopping me from going out of the window was my seatbelt- the one that was currently cutting into my skin. I gasped as I was thrown back into my seat from the impact. A habit of the past had me cradling my stomach protectively, Adam glanced at me and then at my arm around my stomach, his brown knitting in confusion as he stared at my arm. Once it had registered in my slow mind what he was staring a- I unlatched my arm, mentally giving myself a good old hard kick for giving him another glimpse into my life.

He stared at me as if he could see through the façade I put up to the world, as if he could see my pain and turmoil. No I couldn’t drag him into this- he was too nice and I had no right to bring him into my depths of despair. “Are you okay?” he asked gently as he reached out at cupped my cheek tenderly, his large warm hand was so comforting, so soothing on my cheek and his touch did funny things to my stomach. I felt warm and fuzzy inside, and the look in his eyes made me feel as if I was walking on clouds. What was this man doing to me?

His touch left me dumb-founded, so much so, that all I could do was nod at him, knowing that if I opened my mouth all he was going to get was a garbled response. He smiled gently, then looked out of the car, his hand on the wheel clenched so tightly, his knuckles had turned white, I too turned at looked out of the window.  My eyes widened and my mouth opened and closed.

A shocked gasp escaped my lips as I saw what he was seeing.

I sat like a statue not believing what was happening.

Not again. Not again. Please not again.

I chanted this mantra in my head again and again, my hands shook, my heart was beating at an erratic beat, my palms were sweaty and a wave of nausea washed over me as I was taken down memory lane.

I was travelling down the road of despair again, going into the depths of my dark past and there was nothing to stop those painful memories from grasping me into their depths. I had struggled to remain above them, fought them back but today seemed to be the day to live through it all again. Memory after memory was crushing me, making it difficult for me to breathe, I needed to escape I needed to be saved! In my head I was screaming to be saved, but my lips remained unmoving.  But then the strangest thing happened.

A warm, strong, reassuring touch was bringing me back into reality, anchoring me, saving me from the weight of the memories that were crushing me. I gasped as I fought back the tide of tears and looked to my right- at Adam. His face was etched with concern and anger. Something told me he had realised a part of my truth.  I gulped. Once again giving myself another mental kick as I realised that the secret that remained buries for so long was going to be brought out in the open, if I was careful.

“What did Rehan to do you Zubaida?” he asked in a low voice, so low that the hairs on my arms stood on end, it was a voice that I recognised as one showing his extremely tight reign over his anger. My heart clenched as I saw him battling with his anger- and it was my fault.

 “Please for God’s sake tell me?” he begged, hi s eyes sought mine, in them I saw his pain and concern for me, and those emotions were like a tug on my heartstring. Hope blossomed as I watched him, but just as quickly that hope was crushed my inner voice that reminded me he was Rehan’s brother.

He watched me, scrutinising my every move and reflex- how did I forget he was a part of the CID team. But how could I tell him and if I did what were the consequences?