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high school was, in its own way, an absolute living hell. each day, the same thing every single day, barely any changes. i went to the same classes, talked to the same people, ate the same meal, and wore nearly the same clothes. there weren't enough variables to keep me on my toes, and to keep me not dreading every day.
i smiled to my friends and to my mom, but i withered away inside. it was this overwhelming sense of dread that i was meant for so much more than what i was doing. that i could be better and do better, but life and myself were holding me back.
walking through the doors of the high school, there was this buzz about the school, bouncing off the walls. Girls were bouncing on their feet while the boys talked in hushed tones. i kept my head down, heading down the hall, squeezing by those who stood frozen in their spot.
"did you hear?" my friend, barb, said as i reached my locker.
"no, i just got here. what happened?" as she was about to respond, the buzz suddenly quieted down as a man walked down the hall.
his aura was nothing but confidence as he flipped his glasses off, tucking them in the front of his shirt. the girls swooned as he passed, making me turn my head in confusion. we never really got new students, but this was a bit overdramatic.
he passed barb and i, giving me a quick glance. my eyes took him in, trying to understand him like a new species. his eyebrow cocked before he continued down the hall, not giving a glance back.
the rest of the day passed in a blur, the same things, with a slight more excitement lingering around everyone than normal. at the end of the day, i smiled a goodbye to barb before she met up with nancy and the others. starting my walk home, i zoned out most of the way. the heaviness of my backpack didn't even compare to the weight on my heart and mind like a heavy plague hovering over me.
a loud honk brought me out of my own purgatory in my mind as i jumped further away from the road as a car went zooming bye. blinking fast to get the dust out of my eyes, i shook my head and continued on the way home.
the next day at school, the buzz had died mostly and we were all back to the same thing again. walking to my fourth period, a hand snaked its way around my waist, making me jump.
"you need to learn to not walk in the middle of the road," a voice whispered in my ear before the presence and hand on my waist was gone. peaking over my shoulder, i saw the back of billy heading away.
that day on the way home, i kept in the grass to the side of the road, the water from the rain earlier that day soaking through my converse and socks. the same car went flying by again, but not before i saw billy behind the wheel.
as i walked through the halls the next day, i saw him leaning against the locker next to mine, sending flirtatious smirks towards the girls who passed and batted their eyes in his direction.
quickening my pace, i opened my locker first try and tried to grab all of my books in one go, which ended up with my books scattered across the floor. groaning, i leaned down quickly, grabbing them with haste.
a hand, outstretched, had my english book in hand.
"i'm glad you don't walk in the middle of the road anymore," he said, smiling as i took the book from him with a nod of gratitude.
"you should learn to go the speed limit, though," i muttered standing up with my books tucked tightly to my chest.
a small chuckle sounded from behind me as i shut the locker and headed down the hall, leaving billy behind.
that day after school, the rain pounded the sidewalk and pavement as i walked home, the rain soaking me through to my bones.
i could barely hear his car stop beside me over the roaring of the rain.
"get in the car, y/n," he yelled, hitting the top of his car.
i kept my head down, shaking my head as i continued on my way. i heard the sound of his door shut before another sound of the car door opening.
confused, i tried to keep walking straight, the heaviness of my clothes slowing me down.
two arms wrapped around me, dragging me into the air. letting out a small shriek, i wiggled in his grip. my arms were also in his iron grip, only leaving my legs to kick out as i yelled at him to let me down.
i got my wish soon as i was pushed into the car, the door slamming shut behind me. he slid into his seat, reaching in the back and putting a blanket on me.
"what the hell, billy," i said, wiping my face off with the blanket so i could properly see him.
"you're doing to get yourself sick, dumbass. next time just get in the damn car," he said, wiping off his face with the sleeve of his shirt.
rolling my eyes, i wrapped the blanket around me, feeling the shivers starting, the unforgiving fall rain soaking me through and through.
he took a strand of my hair and pushed it back behind my ear, his fingers barely touching me but it was enough to heat me back up entirely.
"why don't you ever smile like you mean it?" he asked after a small amount of silence.
my head snapped to him, shock racing through me. how had he noticed when my own friends and family didn't?
"i look at you at school, and i see you when you think no one else is looking. i see how deep your frown goes," he spoke, his words soft. i never though anything about billy could be soft, but he was as gentle as i had ever heard anyone.
"it's hard sometimes, i guess," i mumbled.
"trust me, i understand. i just chose a different disguise, but i get it," he said, his arm reaching around my shoulders and pulling me into a side hug.
"i understand," he said again, this time in a whisper.
