Not A Lover

8

Devyn Shadows

I pulled my sticky sweaty body off the Library floor. I tried to put on my ripped clothes, at least what was left of it.

My cold feet tiptoed back to my dorm, thankfully when I got there Draco wasn't there. I threw my broken clothes in the trash and went into the bathroom to clean up for the night.

I looked in the mirror, all I can see are bruises and scratches all along my body, with a spark of anger inside.

I quickly change clothes, and choose to skip out on a shower to avoid a relapse of a missing towel. I quickly braid my hair into a sloppy Dutch braid, and decide it's time to hit the rack.

The Fuzzy blankets felt relaxing on my skin making me more, and more comfortable. I try to close my eyes, but the nights recent events keep flashing through my head making it impossible to sleep.

My tan toned arms reach out to the drawer of the table a grab out my copy of "The summer I turned pretty." My fingers peeled it open to dive right in.

Page 319
"Oh grow up" he said.

There are moments in you life that you wish with all your heart you could take it back. Like erase from existence.

Like, if you could you'd erase yourself right out of existence too, just to make that moment not exist. What I said next was one of those moments for me. On the day of his mother's funeral, to the boy I loved more than I had ever loved anything or anyone I said, "Go to hell."

It was the worst thing I've ever said to anyone,ever. It wasn't that I'd never said the words before. But the look on his face. I'll never forget it. The look on his face made me want to die.

It confirmed that every mean and low thing I'd never thought about myself, the stuff you hope and pray no one will know about you. Because if they knew, they would see the real you, and they would despise you.

Conrad said, " I should've know you'd be like this."
Miserably I ask him "what do you mean?"
He shrugged, his jaw tight "forget it"

"No say it."

He started to turn around to leave but I stopped him. I stood in his way. "Tell me." I said, my voice rising.

He looked at me and said "I knew this was a bad idea, starting something with you. Your just a kid. It was a big mistake."

"I don't believe you" I said.

Page 320
People where starting to look. My mother was standing in the living room talking to people I didn't even recognize.

She glanced up when I started speaking, I couldn't even look at her, I could feel my face burning.

I knew the right thing to do was to walk away. I knew that was what I was suppose to do. In that moment it was like I was floating above myself and I could see me, and how everyone in the room was looking at me.

But when Conrad just shrugged and started to leave again, I felt so mad. And so small. I wanted to stop myself, but I couldn't quit.

"I hate you." I said.

He turned around and nodded. "Good."

My hands slammed the book shut trying to get all thoughts of Draco out of my head, but the couple pages I read where not helping in any way.

I went over and tossed the book in the trash trying to get rid of ever memory it had given me, hoping for a release.

When the front of the book finally hit the metal container, my body was filled with calmness. And I was ready to go to bed.

I snuggled down into the blankets, and thinking of happy thoughts.

I closed my eyes and all my problems went away.

All the the story written in a different font is part of the book the summer I turned pretty. All the words in those paragraphs belong to Jenny Han. I do not own or take credit for that writing in any way.

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