Crimson Blue Snow

Part III- "Fade to black"

Part III: "Fade to black"

 At breakfast Beata avoided communicating with Michelle. Michelle: "Earth calls Beata, hello! What's the matter with you since yesterday?" Beata (furious): "You know damn well." Michelle: "Because of what I said? Come on, forget it, I'm not going to argue about some girl! Are you angry that I made you go there?" Beata: "I'm angry about you underestimating her and you haven't even heard or seen her!" Michelle: "You told me enough to know that all this is not for her. Let her sing around the house how much she wants, we need a serious vocal, not Cinderella who sings while cleaning and cooking." Beata (finishes her meal): "I'm leaving." Michelle: "Where are you going again?" Beata: "I don't know where or when I'll be back, don't wait for me."

 She was at Fernanda's house for a while and after that she took her bike out of town. Something was dragging her to see Amadea again.

 Amadea was alone in the house that day. She fed the animals, dressed in slightly newer, all-black clothes and headed for the bus stop, from where she took the bus to a nearby place. The sky, meanwhile, darkened so much that it was obvious that the rain would start any minute, but she didn't care at all. She didn't need an umbrella, she didn't need anything anymore.

 She reached the bridge under which there was a great river. As she approached the middle of the river the downpour was falling stronger, soaking her clothes with raindrops, as well as her neatly tied hair which took on a darker hue. Everything was deserted around her, so with less fear she put her foot on the fence, then the other one, but she tripped when she put her foot on the other bar of the fence as it was slippery because of the rain, she felt down and hit onto the pavement on the bridge. "Don't think it's going to stop me from this."- she thought and tried again, this time more carefully. The motorbike stopped behind her.

 Beata (gets off the bike): "Hey, stop! I'm not going to let you do that, you hear me?! Wait a minute... Amadea? What are you doing here? I mean, it's more than clear what you're doing, the question is- why?" Amadea (scared): "Don't worry, Miss Beata... It's about time to finish with this." Beata: "Don't persuade me, it's somehow too official. Come with me, you'll catch cold if you keep standing in this downpour. I don't want to hear "no" in response, clear?" Amadea: "I can't torture everyone around me anymore, I'm a mockery and I'm good for nothing... Let me go, don't waste your time on such a fool who's incapable of living." Beata (huggs her): "Don't talk like that, I'm sure that's not true. I want to get to know you better and you're taking that opportunity away from me - you're really not fair! (takes the helmet off the bike) Put this on and hold on to me." Amadea (keeps her head down): "No, I won't bother you and waste your time... Thank you." Beata (puts a helmet on her head and make her sit down): "Come on, there's no way I'm going to leave you here! Let's go to my house, you hold on tight. Don't even think about letting go on purpose." Amadea: "It wouldn't even occur to me, but thanks for the idea." Beata: "You wouldn't have died, you'd just hit so hard that you'd be dragged to hospital for nothing. The moral of story- Don't let go, okay?" Amadea (catches gently): "I won't cause you any trouble, though you really don't have to bother..." Beata (takes her arms and tightens her waist with them): "That's better, hold on tightly. Let's go!"

 They went into the house after driving in the downpour. Beata: "My brother Michelle won't be here, he went to a friend's birthday party. Sit down, make yourself comfortable and I'll find some clothes to wear, we're both wet. (goes to the room and brings a T-shirt and dark pants) I see you like to wear dark, too, so I'm not going to bring you any colorful things. There's a Black Sabbath logo on the t-shirt, I hope it doesn't bother you or anything..." Amadea: "No, not at all, I listen to both them and Ozzy. My favorite song of them is "Black Sabbath," and there's also "Killing Yourself to Live." (leaves a t-shirt next to her) I'm going to go change my pants." Beata: "Wait, take the shirt too!" Amadea: "My blouse is not wet..." Beata: "I see it is, come on, get a t-shirt until the blouse dries, it won't go anywhere in that time. (smiles) Go ahead, don't be shy."

 Meanwhile, Beata also changed and came to the room where Amadea was sitting nervously trying to somehow hide her arms. Beata sits next to her and notices bruises and red surfaces on her arms, as well as a few scratches. Amadea: "Sorry, I'm not used to wearing short sleeves, I haven't worn them in years." Beata: "Who hit you? What made you get these little blisters and redness?" Amadea: "I hit myself, and this is from a burn with ice and salt. I'm so embarrassed, I should have said I couldn't wear a t-shirt, not to freak you out here. I'm telling you, I'm incapable of everything." Beata (put her hand on Amadea's shoulder): "I don't mind it like this, but I'm sorry you're doing it. I want you to tell me a story. At first I wanted to know why you were locked up in the house, and now I see there's more stuff about you. You know, I'm normally a not-so-communicative person but, when I find someone interesting, then I talk and talk... I hope I don't freak you out for doing and talking everything so suddenly." Amadea: "I don't mind, it's just weird that someone's interested at me without just making fun of me. I've usually been questioned in my life to be gossiped about by the same informations." Beata: "I'm not going to do that, don't worry. Do you have any friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, someone you see in person? Or are you just spending time alone?" Amadea: "None of that. Just me and the music. And animals, if you count that." Beata: "Why are you practicing your singing if you don't already plan on doing it?" Amadea: "I used to try to make a band, but the years went by so I gave up. Now I'm practicing just to keep my voice in shape. Let's face it - I don't look like a band's vocalist, we can pretend as much as we like - but people just look at that aesthetic side as well. If it wasn't, would we have so many singers on this planet who look attractive but can't do even one octave properly? I'm not jealous of them or anyone else in my life, I'm just saying how it is." Beata (sighs): "Okay, I'm not saying you're wrong, but how do you get the idea that you look bad? You've got a few extra pounds, what now, but you're so cute. Do you like your favorite performers because of what they look like or what they sound like?" Amadea: "Definitely the second one. For some of the band singers I listen to I don't even know what they look like or I saw after hearing their music." Beata: "There you go. And I don't know if anyone's told you before, but you really are cute." Amadea (numb smile): "Like a lemon. I'm sorry, thank you. I don't know why I always have to say something sarcastic, it's a habit." Beata (laughs): "I do it too, don't worry. Sarcasm is a kind of intellectual humour, and I can tell you're a smart girl. It seems to me that we're going to have a lot of common themes and similar thinking. (smiles) Hey, are you hungry, you want some juice or coffee?" Amadea (shy): "I usually drink tea without sugar or water." Beata: "Okay, I'll make you some tea and coffee for myself, so we'll keep talking." Amadea (looks at her): "Can I help you with something?" Beata (winks): "Just sit down, I can do it all by myself. I'll be right there, make yourself comfortable."

 She brought cups and continued the conversation. "What happened yesterday to bring you to this today?" Amadea: "I realized that if I'm not already worthy to do the only thing that makes me feel alive, then I don't need to be alive. It has nothing to do with your visit, it's all just a small part of the whole broken picture. It's so shattered, there's no way it's going to again be at least half of what it was, let alone to look like what it used to be." Beata (listening to her): "Do you often use metaphors in speech?" Amadea: "Quite often. Are they annoying?" Beata: "No, no... On the contrary... I'm fascinated. They sound poetic." Amadea: "It probably helps me to write, otherwise everything I write would be a load of rubbish. (shrugs) It's not like it's something special like this either, but whatever." Beata: "What are you writing? Stories, poems?" Amadea: "Some stories, lyrics, rarely a poem when I feel like it... I'm nothing special so I don't point it out." Beata (intrigued): "That sounds great! I'd love to read if it's available anywhere." Amadea (nervous): "I can send you a link where are my works. They're boring as hell, I don't recommend it." Beata (smiles): "I'll give my oppinion on that." Amadea (looks at the clock): "I should come home, my parents will worry." Beata: "They'd be more worried if you disappeared in that river, are you going to hide what happened? I'll drive you." Amadea: "I'm taking the bus, don't worry about it." Beata: "Then I'll walk you to the station and tell the driver to drive straight to your station, he can't get you out before then." Amadea (smiles slightly): "Fine. My clothes are dry, I'll change and let's go."

 Beata exchanged profile names with Amadea so they could get in touch (Beata realized that Amadea was too shy to start a conversation first and asked for her profile name or phone number), which suited to Amadea because Beata impressed her as an interlocutor. She promised to text her as soon as she got home, which she did, hoping Beata wouldn't get bored of her fast. She was afraid that she had offended Beata or that she had done something wrong, so it was going through her mind that today she was very annoying and melodramatic and that Beata was trying to be nice to her but that such a great person had no chance of being friends with someone like her... Because of all those thoughts she didn't want to plan anything about Beata, worrying that after all this she probably won't even see her again.