Cassie (Book #1 of the "Cassie" Series)

Chapter #29: That's Gossip

December 1st, Thursday, 8:15 am

It's been a week since Chad kissed me and I'm no closer to figuring out what to think or say about it. I've only told Hope about what happened, Naya heard about it from Chad, and I didn't DARE mention anything to Ryan. I hadn't seen Chad since, he hasn't been at school, neither has Naya. Naya came around to explain the Tony situation the next day, and then left right after. I straight up asked Naya if Chad had been avoiding me and she all but confirmed he is, so I'm giving him his space, God knows I need it too if I'm going to figure out what to do next.

Guilt has been a common theme recently, although I'm not sure what I need to feel guilty about. When I'm with Ryan, it's like everything is stable and peaceful. Ryan represents stability for me and I do still like him a lot, my feelings for him haven't changed. But then, I'll see something that reminds me of Chad, such as a picture of us together on my phone or something in my room that he bought me for a birthday or Christmas, and then I'll find myself thinking of him, thinking of the kiss, and the guilt comes flooding through. I've got this loving, charming, gentleman of a boyfriend, but then it comes back to Chad. Gorgeous, sensitive, chaotic Chad.

UGH. This isn't how it's supposed to be, this isn't how it was supposed to go in my head. Chad is my FRIEND, Ryan is my BOYFRIEND. I do NOT feel anything for Chad that is above the level of a caring, platonic, male best friend... maybe if I say it to myself enough, I'll believe it someday.

"So, let me get this straight." Hope said, munching on a piece of dry toast as I drove down the packed freeway to get to school. "You have two cute ass guys who want you.. and you're COMPLAINING?"

"It's not about looks, Hope, it's about not wanting to hurt feelings." I said, frustrated. Eyes firmly fixed on the slow traffic ahead of me. I should have known better than to take the freeway on a weekday morning.

"Then don't. Polygamy is very in this season." Hope half-joked, finishing her toast and crumpling up the paper towel she was eating it from, dropping it on the floor of the passenger seat. 

"Ew. I'm not dating them both at the same time. Come on, Hope. For all your weirdness, you're still a lot wiser than me. Work your white Oprah magic and give me some advice, please?"

"Cassie. I'm gonna level with you."

"Go on." I gestured, also half-talking to the slow navy blue Ford F-150 that was taking up all my time. Hope took a deep breath.

"This is a mess even I can't help you with. Honey, Oprah couldn't help you with this, not even Gayle. Hell, even Jesus Christ HIMSELF would have a hard time helping you with this one." 

"Sooo, that's it? I'm on my own with this."

"Yep. This is YOUR messy love triangle, I think you can figure it out." Hope chuckled. I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"It's not a LOVE triangle... I don't think."

"Do you have feelings for Ryan?"

"Well, yes"

"Okay. Now, do you have feelings for Chad?"

"...I'm still figuring that out but... yeah."

"See. Love triangle. Equilateral, bitch." Hope said with a grin, getting comfortable in the passenger seat.

"You suck." I snarled at her.

"And you swallow." she squinted up her eyes and pouted her lips, making a mocking face at me, before leaning over exasperated and honking on my steering wheel. 

"SOMETIME TODAY, PLEASE!" she yelled out from the passenger window to the truck in front, the woman in the driver's seat turned around and glared at us as if she was ready to back the truck up and rear-end us any second now. Hope burst into a cackle, which eventually set me off too. That's the hardest I've laughed this week, and I needed a laugh more than ever.