Cassie (Book #1 of the "Cassie" Series)

Chapter #35: Merry Christmas

December 25, Sunday, 4:05 am

I didn't sleep the entire night once we finally got home. Not because I was particularly excited for Christmas day, but because a lot was running through my mind. I was still shaken up after the crash, still trying to process the breakup with Ryan and catching him with Brianna, and still trying to untangle this web of conflicting feelings.

Ryan was still getting over an ugly breakup with his longtime girlfriend when we started talking, and I think I always knew somewhere, pushed deep in the back of my mind that this situation was going to happen, and all our relationship felt like to me right now was a way to delay the inevitable. Ryan's probably all cozied up with Brianna right now, enjoying their honeymoon phase of being back together and things returning to how they were as if nothing had ever happened. Hell, I wouldn't be completely shocked if Ryan's already erased every single reminder that we were ever a thing. I felt completely stupid for putting Ryan on such a high pedestal for so many years as if he was the most perfect guy to ever exist, and that had all just come crashing down on me, and in some way I felt like the pain I was feeling from this breakup was some kind of rude awakening that I desperately needed. 

And then there's Chad, sweet, caring, handsome Chad Hills who, until about a month ago, I'd only ever seen as a best friend, a "big brother" figure and nothing more than that. The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I treated Chad horribly. This is the guy that doesn't go a day without making me smile, laugh, and feel great about myself simply by telling me I look good in the morning before class. The guy who will literally cancel a group hangout session if I can't make it, just so that I don't feel left out. Chad looks out for me, builds me up when I'm down, tries his best to fix me when I feel broken, defends me fiercely against anyone who tries to attack, and how do I respond to that? I call him a douche and harp on relentlessly about how he's not enough of a "gentleman". Nice going, Cassie. 

One sentence I said to Ryan really replayed over and over in my head for the duration of the night.

"At least I'm someone's first choice."

To be honest, it was something I said as a throwaway comment, something that I knew would get a rise out of him.

Because I'm petty like that.

But it was true, I am someone's first choice, and I'm starting to think that he should have been my first choice too. 

11:15 am

Eventually, I wore myself out from overthinking everything and woke up to the smell of pancakes wafting up the stairs and through the crack of the open bedroom door. Let me tell you something about me, NOTHING motivates me to get my lazy ass out of bed like pancakes in the morning. My house could be a blazing inferno and I'd still just roll over in my bed, go back to sleep like it was nothing, and let the whole house and myself crumble in the flames. If you want to wake me up in the morning, don't bother with an alarm, wave a plate of pancakes in my face and I'll be ready and set to go. 

As soon as the smell hit my nostrils, I threw the bedsheet to the side and hightailed it down the stairs to the kitchen, where Mom and Lucy were chatting and dishing out more pancakes. Mom noticed me rushing into the kitchen and laughed.

"I knew you'd get down here eventually, Merry Christmas, my darling." she leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the forehead.

"Merry Christmas, Mom... so about those pancakes."

"Chocolate or maple syrup, dear?"

"Yes."

"I still don't know how you stay so skinny." Mom sighed as she passed me the two open bottles of syrup, grimacing as I coated the hot pancakes with the gooey, sweet sugary goodness.