Im screwed. Im screwed im fucked im screwed im dead im better off dead this is worse than death holy fuck fuck fuck fuck. my mouth felt dry and i swear my vison blurred as i couldn't stop my mind from racing. this wasn't happening. this didn't happen to me. she wasn't gone, this had to be a dream...
"Brian calm down, okay we have to go onstage soon." Fred, standing invasively close to me was about to become the target for all my rage. Shut the fuck up Freddie what the fuck do you know? the love of my life just broke up with me, my fucking life is over. but i quickly find a better target as I look over at Roger, that fucking son of a bitch, he did this. I stand up and walk over to Rog, ready to punch him in the face before he realises what I'm doing and blocks it.
"Brian! What the fuck mate!"
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT TAYLOR! You knew she was my ex! You knew this would happen! You wanted to break us up so you could have Y/N to yourself you piece of shit!" I go for his face again but someone holds me back, I can't see them but they can die to if they're gonna get involved. "LET ME GO!"
"are you saying that im responsible for Cassidy straddling you and the two of you snogging in the instrument tent?" He chuckles after that and that really sets me off. The world is still spinning to me, im still dazed and I can still feel a fuzzy heat and sting of pains where.. she slapped me. Then I feel my eyes well up. Jesus I really did fuck things up.. I didn't.. it wasn't my fault okay. I kept telling her 'Y/N told me not to' 'im not interested in you that way anymore' but she climbed onto of me... she kissed me, I told her I wanted to leave.. oh god Y/N I'm such a dumb fucking idiot..
"Brian, in the end mate, you could have easily just shoved her out of the way if you really didn't want to be in that situation." i hear from behind me, and now i know the person holding me back is Freddie.
How could you not be on my side Fred? "Fred I'm not just gonna push a girl, you can't do that!" he lets me go and i aggressively pull myself away, my stomach churning again...
"Brian that's not the fucking point, you have to take some responsibility here. It was your mistake, not ours." My mind is spinning. I sit down and want to cry but I hold it in the best I can.
"Deacy?" I look at John for some kind of help. Please. In that moment I think about her laugh.. her smile.. how she always made me feel better about shit like this.. but she's gone. I've driven her away with my reckless stupidity and she's never coming back.
"Brian, I don't know what you want me to say. You look horrible mate, I can tell you didn't mean it but fuck you can't sit here and blame people. Try and fix your mistake. You love each other. If you prove that then you have a shot."
I cup my face in my hand and breathe, dragging my fingers through my hair as I exhale. Fuck.
"Im sorry Rog. Im really sorry." I look at him and he looks worried back at me. Like I could pull out a knife at any moment. "But goddammit why did you have to try and steal my girlfriend?"
"I'm sorry I.." Roger sits down as well which im surprised at. "I'm gonna be honest, I'm extremely attracted to her." not a great start Taylor. "And im not proud to admit that i knew Cassidy had dated you. i knew what i was doing. i've been an asshole Brian, a real piece of shit."
Freddie sits down next to me and I smile, lightly, thanking him. needing something to distract so i didn't actually try and kill roger.
"Do you have feelings for her?" I ask, my voice almost breaking from anger. Fear in his eyes, he answers me.
"Brian. I do. I have to be honest. But never, not even now, would I ever take her from you. i see how much she means to you. And trust me, she would never ever want me the way she wants you." It stings to hear that, it really burns. especially since that doesnt apply anymore... i had a beautiful woman who loved me, my perfect, intelligent and creative woman, and i accused her of having feelings for Roger.. I can't manage to look at him again, he assaulted my girlfriend then tried to break us up... i don't know how the fuck i was going to forgive him. Maybe i never would. i can tell he's waiting for a response but i cant give him one. not now.
"What do you wanna do Bri?" Deacy asks as he sits down. I look at him and can't think. I need to do something. I can't give up this easily. I cant loose her. i hear the band wrapping up and smile despite my whole body shaking from anger and desperation.
Putting my arms around Freddie, John and Roger they all do the same, and its like the only think i can grab onto. i didn't know if i still had a girlfriend, i didn't know if i could ever get her back. but i do have my brothers. my family, even if i wanted to punch one of them right now. They all stare, waiting patiently for my answer, ready to follow me and whatever i wanted to do. then in that moment, i knew exactly what that was.
"We need to get on stage and play."
