You're standing side stage, not knowing how to feel. Queen is about to go on so obviously you're excited, you loved seeing them perform so much. Whenever they stepped on stage you felt this weird and amazing ecstasy. If always made you feel really connected to Brian, like you were onstage with him, dancing the world away and dishing out his amazing guitar skills. But now, it was like there was a glass screen between you. you can't touch him, or get through to him in anyway it's just, off.
You were so good this morning.. you were so perfect... what the fuck happened? You sigh, and hate your brain for doing this to you. You look at Bee and Deacy, looking so cute together, smiling at each other, being happy, and you miss it so much. Stop it, god! you weren't some damsel, some little child who couldn't function without a man, you were a beautiful and independent woman who could survive with or without Brian May. You think.. You smile, and breathe for a second. You weren't really mad at Brian. You picture his face and you smile, you hate to admit it in this moment, but he made you so damn happy. It would be so fucking stupid to let one ex girlfriend or Roger Fucking Taylor get in the way of you being together. it smells like weed and sex backstage, which really helped your backstage jitters.
You walk over to Freddie who was standing talking to another one of the bands set to play, seeing him smile, his posture, his confidence. strange, you think, seeing Freddie talk to people he didn't know. not the kind of strange like it was uncommon, but the kind of strange that lets you know more about his character. he was outgoing, a social butterfly, but you knew how selfconscious he was as well. you wonder, everytime you see how effortlessly he forms knew connections, how he is able to push all that down.
"Oh Y/N!" He notices you and you smile, greeting all the unfamiliar faces with a smile and a nod.
"This is our guitarists wife." Freddie winks at you and you roll your eyes, acting annoyed since you don'y know how to feel
"Speaking of, have you seen him around Fred?"
"Yeah lovely he's down the back tuning his red special. are you guys okay, by the way?" You smirk and kiss Fred on the cheek before starting to walk off.
"We're perfect, thanks Freddie." You lie, but Freddie believes you, smiling cheekily back at you as you walk anxiously back stage. Each second passing you just wanted to see him more and more. You hated those words as they popped into your head but the anxiety filled tension of the backstage area wasn't really helping your rapidly fluctuating moodswings. You just needed him, you needed comfort and familiarity. You see Rog and roll your eyes, he winks at you and you want to ignore him but can't help but smile. As much as you still wanted to punch him, you genuinely can't remember a time when he didn't act like this around you, maybe he was always interested? Maybe this is just his way of acting around people? Ill have to ask Bee if he does the same to her later.
"Hey Brian!" You call out, hoping to hear his silky voice any second. Just to measure you, ground you, it was perfect for that. His low, gorgeous British voice could calm you in a firery storm.
"Bri!" You call again, still no answer. You do hear mumbling coming from in front of you though, so you start walking more, and realise its coming from the instrument tent. It's hard to make out what they're saying, but you can get little bits.
"Remember when we..." "you loved it so much" person number 1 says.
"yeah, listen" "don't wanna be rude but" "can't." Person 2, a silkier voice answers
You can hear the voices better now, and you can hear how familiar they sound.
"What about this?"
"OH! No no no please don't do that."
"Please, just once."
"I need to leave. Im not like that."
You finally get to the tent and call out Brians name one more time before entering the tent, and see Cassidy sitting on Brians lap. Cassidy kisses Brian and you feel your insides clench. Brians eyes see you, his lips still attached to hers, and you swear you start falling in mid air. Your stomach and organs shatter with a pain that feels like a thousand atom bombs going off simultaneously inside of you. What. The. Actual. Fuck. BRAIN FUCKING MAY.
"FUCK YOU BRIAN MAY!" You scream, tears cascading down your face and heart going so fast its in your fucking throat, you can't breathe at all, the world around you loses sound and all you can hear are you sobs as you clumsily try to run away from the tent with tears in your eyes. Your breathing, getting louder and more hysterical is the only thing you can hear over the sounds of your pounding violent thoughts. Why did you ever fucking trust him. Why. You loved him and he's thrown that love in the fucking garbage. You pass Freddie and hear him start to run after you, trying to convince you to slow down, obviously confused why in 2 minutes your mood has changed so drastically.
"WOAH woah! Darling what's happened? Why are you crying?" You take a huge breath in and see Bee and Deacy run to you as well before you turn around and see Brian a few step behind you. Not even realising he was following you, but so glad he was the one who was gonna receive your rage. You want to kill him. You want him dead.
"I just walked in, on him about TO FUCK CASSIDY and im fucking done, IM DONE with you." You take a couple steps towards him and push him back harshly. violence was the only thing your mind could think to do in this moment. suddenly the smell back here changed, and you felt sick by the hot air that swirled around you.
"YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME, OR LOOK AT ME EVER AGAIN YOU HEAR ME ASSHOLE?!"
"Y/N its not what it looked like please listen to me.." you hate seeing the fake sense of regret and terror in his eyes. he watches you, and the longer he sees the anger and betrayal in your face the more his face twists and wells up.
"OH ITS NOT WHAT IT FUCKING LOOKED LIKE WAS IT? REALLY? YOU'RE GONNA USE THAT LINE?"
"I love you baby... I would never.." You slap Brain square across the face and watch him stumble to be steady again. It did little to relive the heat emanating from your body but you enjoyed it either way. You look him dead in the eyes and see for the first time, him sobering up to this extremely serious situation.you turn around before running away for good and say:
"Brian May. We are done."
