You used to go to parties all the time as a teenager, parties like this. You used to love the smell of teenage rebellion and sexual tension as you would all take turns drinking stolen alcohol from the bottle while anxiously awaiting the return of butterflies as the circle rounds back to you, expectant of your participation, spinning a bottle and winning a kiss from any of the multiple random boys sitting there. You never thought twice, you never felt guilty, you never felt attached, it different now. The thoughts that rattle through your mind as you, Bee, deacy, Freddie, Sam, Ashley, Roger and of course, a new random girl who's name I think is... Cheryl, all walk back to the beach house. Oh, and can't forget tall, dark and Jason. That was his name. You'd finally found it out. The man prompting all your built up inner monologue as you continue to scrutinise your own decision to bring him along. Your independent decision to bring him, along with a group of your sexually explicit and raunchy friends, back to the house where your boyfriends slept, the place where you and your boyfriend last fought, the place where he interrupted that fight and gave me the resources to break his heart one final time.
You never thought anything meaningful of it. There was no weight to the decision, you just wanted to distract yourself, have a reason to occupy your mind until you were ready to start coming to a decision. But you didn't want to think about forgiving him. So you weren't gonna stop talking to Jason.
"So, how long have you guys been up here?" Jason asks, his kindly voice a refreshing change from your tiring thoughts. Maybe that why you invited him, he calmed you. you notice he moves closer to you, and keeping yourself relaxed you act as if you didn't notice, watching the soft bounce of Bees hair in front of you, count how many times she's turned around to glance a worried, motherly glance at you.
"Only since yesterday, actually."
"That explains why I haven't seen you around." You detect the flirty edge to his voice and respond more blandly than you knew he'd like you to. again, questioning why you'd bothered to invite him if you were just going to act this way.
"So.. your friends are cool."
"Yeah they are, haven't known them long but they're really great."
"I can see they mean a lot to you, that's cute."
"Mmm." You scratch your face and shoot him a look.
"What?" He asks, with a handsome smirk on his chiseled face.
"I told you im not into all that... mushy, flirty stuff at the moment. I still technically have a boyfriend..."
"Didn't you say you broke up with him though? You don't owe him anything, you're a free, independent and beautiful woman, who can do as she pleases." You snort, from the pure hilarity of the situation, god. You knew you were charming, but not THAT charming..
"Please, Jason. I appreciate it, but I really just need a distraction right now, not a new suitor."
"So im the distraction in this equation?" He teases and you groan, still smiling.
"You're distracting. Is that what you wanna hear?" He puts his arm around you, touching your shoulder, you think of Brian.. you think of how he would feel watching this.. you think of how he would hold you like this, rubbing your shoulder with his thumb, bending down and sniffing your hair, whispering something cute or dirty to make you blush...
"I can be a distraction."
Inside the house feels way smaller with all these people, what were there, 9 of us? You got Freddie to check around the house for Brian. You had a feeling he wouldn't be here, not wanting to see you when you eventually got back, maybe taking a walk around town, hoping you were asleep by the time he got back. And he wasn't. Nowhere to be seen.
