You swim in your dress since you have too much shame to go in your underwear. It was actually so nice. It was such a lovely lie and distraction. Just being able to have playful, uncommitted fun with people you loved. But of course, no lie is big enough to distract you from what was screaming in your brain.
Her sitting on him, her hands in his hair, his lips on hers.
It was a mistake though, not taking off the dress. You distract yourself. Getting out of the water was like lifting an extra 20 kilos out with you.
"Ugh, bad decision, shoulda gone with my panties." You joke to your friends, your family, sitting in the water. Each of their faces evoking different yet just as happy an emotion in you. "i gotta get changed. Deacy how much time do I have?"
"oh um, probably about 30 minutes." John replies, drawing his face away from Bees for a second. They were so genuinely cute, it hurt me how much I hated watching it.
"I'll meet you guys at the stage okay?" You turn around and penguin walk along the sand, having to account for your extra weight, and start walking down the beach to the house. God, the sunset was beautiful today. You look across the horizon line and see the simply godly masterpiece of oranges and purples swirling up and across the once blue sky. You hurry up, knowing that if you didn't you could easily have to walk back alone in the dark.
Getting back to the house was like returning home from war. So much had happened today, so fucking much you could barely wrap your head around it. You needed to process todays events but you didn't really know how to start, the emotions just continued to flow out in random short bursts that inflicted whoever was closest to you at the time for them to take care of. god your friends are so patient to deal with you...
You open the door and try not to think about what had happened on this porch yesterday. You walk carelessly into the empty living room, past the kitchen, the bathroom, feel the shag carpet beneath your feet and pull off your dress which was still dripping and now half covered in sand, without hesitation you walk into your room with only your underwear on. Who cares? It's not like anyone was in here. But before you can even take one step into your own space, you see the most piercing, most aggravating and most beautiful set of eyes you've ever known. Brain. Fucking Brian, how the fuck did you forget that the only person in this house is Brian fucking May. You see him sit up and stare at you. You wait for him to say something but his stupid head of curly hair just keeps looking at you. You look down and realise you don't have any clothes on. FUCK Y/N. You grab the door and slam it. Blocking you out and keeping him in. It was all you could think to do. Fuck you weren't ready for this.. his eyes... fuck his eyes you weren't ready to face him yet, to confront the motherfucker...
"Umm do you.. need a new dress? I can, I can leave if you need me to?" A soft, gentle and broken voice stings through the wooden door. You've said all you want about being angry, but that voice was too painful to not listen to. It shattered your heart, shoved a stake through your stomach and poured acid into the wound. It takes you a good 10 seconds to respond to him, sniffing up your very imminent tears.
"Yeah, mine got um, wet." Brian opens the door and steps out, holding it open for you with such speed you barely could get a look at him. You bring yourself to look at his face for just a second, and smile. "thank you."
"No problem Y/N." You step inside with the tingle from his voice still rocking you. this feels so plastic, so unnatural... He goes to close the door but you quickly stop him, you don't know why, you just needed to.
"wait! You can, uh keep it open. It's fine, nothing you haven't seen before right." Y/N, stop it. Stop letting him win stop it. You hear his silky voice laugh to himself just once, and you slip out of your cold and sandy underwear, waiting for his next move, please make a move...
