Chap. 5

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Vania woke up with a start.

The dream so vivid, she could still hear Airaa's voice ringing in her ears. All her old fears and insecurities resurfaced with it and shivers ran down her spine.

Breathing hard she sat up on the bed raking her fingers through her hair gathering them in a bun and turned to look at khala sleeping soundly.

She noticed the time, it was almost 4:00 am. Her heart beat loudly in her chest and she couldn't even think of going back to sleep for fear of the nightmare returning.

Cold sweat beaded her forehead and she wiped it off. The memories she tried so hard to suppress came back up violently, as she got up on wobbly legs feeling stupefied.

***

Back in her own room, she noted Zainab sleeping deeply, light snores coming out of her nose. The sky dark outside making the dull pink walls appear darker and their dream catcher fluttered from the wind blowing in from the open window.

Walking to the washroom Vania performed ablution with cold water hoping all the bad memories would wash away with it.

Shutting the tap with a harsh push, she placed her hands on the sides of the sink breathing in through her nose and stared at herself in the mirror.

Big round brownish-gray eyes glared back at her, furious and hateful.

Tum Manhoos ho, Vania!”

“You're Poisonous! You're a snake!”

...

'Why?!

Why are you alive?!

She questioned her reflection.

Wouldn't it be better if you had died instead of your mother? Instead of Khalu Jan! Wouldn't it be better if you died instead of the people who actually mattered!!

Why should these people suffer because of you? Because of your cursed shadow!

You liar! You don't love them! You murdered them! You know you're cursed and yet you are here! Living amongst them, a wolf in sheep's clothing!

You are despicable!

You are cursed!'

Angry tears flowed down from those eyes in the mirror and she squeezed them shut, feeling the heat on her cold skin as they raced down her cheeks.

A sob broke out of her and she gritted her teeth putting a hand on her mouth keeping it in ..

Don't cry! Don't cry! Don't cry!

Closing her eyes, Vania rocked on her heels shaking her head. Then she took a deep breath in and splashed her face with cold water again till her teeth chattered. Wiping her hands and face with a towel she stepped out hearing the Azan call for Fajr.

Sighing, she picked up her prayer scarf and mat along with her rosary and sat down tiredly.

For a moment she stared longingly at it, memories of Hafsa Khala and her gentle voice resonating in her head.

***

"Tum ne namaz bhi seekh li? Masha'Allah abhi toh sirf 6 saal ki ho!” The gentle woman pulled six year old Vania onto her lap and hugged her close.

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