Madame Williams ( teacherxstudent )

8

HELLO I AM BACK WITH 5,100+ WORDS AKXNDNSNSNSNDNSNSN!1!1
i would really appreciate comments <3
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"And how does that make you feel?"

I looked away, "I don't know."

The woman sitting in front of me frowned a little and smiled at me, "Does it make you sad?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know. It's just... so crappy of her." I said, playing with my bracelet and looking everywhere but those woman's eyes.

I didn't want to be here at all. I didn't even know her name and she was asking all these personal questions that I didn't have the energy to reply to. I didn't have the energy to do many things lately, and this was not going to be an exception.

Since my mother basically invalidated my sexuality and yelled at me for it, my energy had been low. I was forever grateful Diane had let me spend the night with her, but after that night everything changed. When I came home Nicole was gone for campus, and my mother was drowning her sorrows in alcohol, as usual. I tried to confront her, try to shake the stupidness out of her mind and make her realize I wasn't just 'going through a phase'.

"Crappy?" The woman asked.

I rolled my eyes and met hers for the first time in the past twenty minutes, "Yes."

She wrote something down on her little notebook that sat on her lap and then smiled friendly at me. It felt like it was a useless way to waste time, to just sit here and stare at this unknown woman.

"That's a cute bracelet," She says suddenly, gesturing to my left wrist as I kept playing with it.

I looked down to it as well, "It was a birthday gift."

"From who?" The old woman asked, showing me a small grin. The therapist wasn't that old, maybe in her 50s, but still old to me.

"My best friend," I said, my voice turning a little shaky at the end. It was absurd for me to cry about this now, it's been almost four months and I've been holding up, there's days I even forget I had to go through that.

The woman nodded and wrote something down again, "What's her name?"

"Maya." I said, pursing my lips, "Uh, she's... she's dead."

The woman bit the inside of her cheek, like she felt sorry for me, "Do you miss her?" The woman asked again, her eyes narrowing a little, which I guessed meant she was worried about something.

"I do. I really do and I wish I didn't." I let out, causing my breath to hitch.

She grabbed a box of kleenex from her coffee table nearby and gave them to me, "How does that make you feel?"

I grabbed the box and left the box next to me on the couch where I was sitting, "Horrible," I cried, looking down to the bracelet again. It felt awful to break down and let go of my defenses, the tears running down my cheeks as I sniffed a little.

I wasn't used to crying in front of people because I'd rather keep all the shit inside and never show any sign of sadness.

Now I did take a kleenex so I could get rid of my tears and mucus... amazing.

"It's okay to cry, Lou."

"Is it? Because if I shed a tear my mother goes all helicopter on me and my sister starts telling me all about hormones when someone has depression, so really, is it okay to cry?" I said, raising my voice a little too much.

"Not to mention the fact that I feel like nobody cares about me except Diane." I choked out.

"Diane?" She asked, obviously confused since I hadn't mentioned before.