Claire's Diary ( On Hold )

Chapter 5

"I wont cry, it'll be fine. I'll take my last breath. push it out my chest 'til there's nothing left." -Hollywood Undead -The Loss

Chapter Five

Life. Life can be seen as a bundle of happiness, joy, and love. It can also be taken as a time period of grief, pain, and sorrow. Life can be a brilliant thing, which it mostly is. But some of those don't understand life. Some of the people who have the greatest lives still just aren't satisfied. Then those humans, along with the ones who actually have a reason, are miserable. How could one be so miserable to force themselves to leave the earth? Could the pain be that intolerable?

With either circumstance, we all put a smile on our faces and call ourselves happy. But are any of our joys truly real? Are we all secretly suffering inside? With our brilliant lives, are we still sad? We all have a small something that can push and push us. It will push us over the edge after a long period of time. But still, we smile. People who are crying and heartbroken inside smile the brightest smile and laugh the loudest laugh.

I guess that's what happened to Claire. She had a nice life. She had a family who cared for her, a roof over her head, food to eat, a good school, and a girlfriend who loved her unconditionally. She never got bullied. In fact, more than half the school referred to her as their friend. So why did Claire Benet kill herself? I don't know if I'll ever be able to answer that question. What happened that I didn't know about? Was there even an event that shoved her off her personal breaking point? All I know is she was battling something wicked inside. And obviously, she lost that war.

She was so happy. She laughed, danced, sang, and smiled. What we all didn't know was that right when she hopped out of bed, she had to paint a smile on her face. She had to prepare her fake laughter and happiness. She kept that smile plastered on her face and made everyone believe she wasn't destroyed inside. But something was picking at her heart. Something wasn't right. That something must have been a large thing. To Claire, it was a big deal. So big, she didn't see the point in living any longer.

I guess all those reasons are what led me to sitting at my girlfriend's funeral. I sat in the front row with my arms interlocked with my mother's, who was weeping just as much as me. I kept wondering how I ended up here. Why had I not noticed how broken Claire was? I had ignored the small hints, thinking if it was something serious she would come to me. But no. Was this not serious to her?

My watery eyes were glued onto the black coffin seated not even ten feet away from me. That black box held my baby. They didn't close the top of the coffin, so I was able to see the tip of her tan hands as they sat across her chest, holding a white rose.

Why did I have to find her? It was supposed to be her mother and sister who found her laying stiff as could be under that water. Not me! If I hadn't gone in, I would have never found her. I knew I would never be able to toss that image out of my mind.

The funeral came to an end, and anyone who wished to say anything was invited to do so. I glanced around me to see if anyone was going to talk.

To my left was Chloe, who was trying her absolute hardest to stop crying. She kept making small whimpering noises because of how bad she was holding in her cries. Her mother next to her was a wreck. Tears hadn't stopped leaking from her eyes ever since we had all shown up. Claire's father sat next to her mother. He was staring at the floor with sad eyes. He had shed several tears, but he had hardly looked up during the entire funeral. To my right was obviously my mother, who was clinging to me. She was just as distraught as I. My father was somewhere in the back of the room with Thomas. On the other side of the church were more relatives, most of who I had briefly met. Then there were about forty kids from our school. They packed into the pews and most were crying as well.