Claire's Diary ( On Hold )

Chapter 10

"I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking that maybe six feet ain't so far down..." -Creed -One Last Breath

Chapter Ten

A whole week and a half had passed and by then I had become obsessed with reading Claire's diary. It was like my drug. I couldn't seem to set it down. Every word tore from the page and leaped into my heart, leaving me begging for more. In the little time that I wasn't reading, I was thinking about the last entry I had read and wondered what the next had in store. It was hard to believe that Claire had been so sad for so long. She had continued to go on about her stress and loneliness. It broke my heart to read each page, but I just had to.

My grades were dropping tremendously because I never paid any attention during class. I was too busy reading the precious journal. Instead of arising and going my homework, I was still reading. My parents were on my case, but I didn't dare tell them or show them the diary. I was scared for what their reactions might be. They could make me give it back to Chloe or they could want to read it themselves. I needed to finish it. But I still had a long ways to go.

The diary made me feel like Claire was talking to me personally. I felt as if she was finally coming out about all the secrets and feelings that she had kept hidden for so long. That made me feel much better; pretending that I just didn't know about anything she mentioned because she was finally telling me. I acted as if Claire had written the diary for my eyes only.

Mrs. Potter was suspicious of me. It was probably because I always had my nose shoved deep into a journal. But I did the sane thing in all my other classes. But in Chemistry, Mrs. Potter watched me. She wouldn't say anything to me, but she would watch me closely as she rambled on about how to create a Lewis Dot Diagram...another topic I was lost in thanks to the diary. I wondered what my teacher wanted. Did she think she knew what I was reading? Why didn't she ever tell me to put it away? Why would she just stand there and stare at me with her dark blue eyes?

I shook my head and lowered my eyes. That class was were I was now. I sat in my desk with damp palms. Mrs. Potter continued eying me while she scrambled random shit on the chalk board. She scared me. Her hair was a medium length brown. The color was outrageous as it seemed to glow and fall against her shoulders beautifully. She was a young woman. Twenty-six maybe.

She glanced my way again. I wasn't reading. I held the diary in both hands but was too frightened to open it. Was she sending me silent warnings? Simply trying to tell me to pay attention? Or was she curious as to what my hands grasped?

Her back faced me as I blocked out all noises. In one swift motion, I slammed the diary on the desk and began to read.

'March 2, 2012

I don't know what to do, Diary. Natalie is making me nervous. For a while there, her and Xavior left me alone. But not anymore. They're back. She's saying that she is ready to tell more people; that she isn't scared. But what am I supposed to do?! She didn't give me an option to stop her this time. I care. Okay! I said it. Or...wrote it. But I have been trying to deny the fact that I wouldn't care if the whole school knew what happened. But I do. My reputation would be swallowed up and torn apart. But it won't be long until I'm out of here and heading to college. I can't wait for that day. Me and Alex are moving together and we will take our lives away from this cruel town. Can you make time speed up? Please?'

The bell sounded and I instantly shut the book. Like I had done the past week in Mrs. Potter's class, I ran out like the room was heating up in flames. Once in the safety of the hallways, I thought over the page.

Yes, I was still at a loss as to what event ruined Claire's life. I was beginning to think she had been molested. Chloe still would not tell me. I had asked her numerous times. She just continued to tell me to "keep reading."

If my prediction about the molesting stood correct, I don't know what I'd do. I would for sure be the most heartbroken girl alive.

I stepped up to my locker and twisted the lock to open it. I swung the beige locker open and began to set the diary inside. School was over and I was eager to go home and read more. I would find out what happened.

"What the hell, Alex?!" Came a quiet but harsh voice from nearby.

I snapped my head in its direction and found a shocked and angry Chloe not far. What had I done?

I stared at her quietly, knowing she would give me an explanation for her fuss.

She approached me with her eyes furrowed. "Is that Claire's diary?" She demanded.

I hesitated. She sounded furious that I had brought it. I had just set it inside of my locker. I thought about lying to her, but she was quicker. Chloe pushed me out of the way with her body and I watched in awe as she peeked inside of my locker. Her mouth then dropped open and she turned back to me.

"You brought it to school?!" She roared.

I was in complete shock. I had brought it to school for a whole week and a half. Had she not noticed?

"Uh...Yeah."

Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose as if she was trying to hold in her fury. I could understand why she would be upset, but I clearly was doing a fine job at hiding the diary if she was just then noticing it.

"Is this the first day you have brought it?"

I moved my gaze to the floor. "No," I admitted.

"What?" She snapped. "How long have you been bringing it?"

I moved my eyes back up to look at her. I was so used to being the one in charge, but Chloe seemed to enjoy it as well. Or maybe she was just real angry.

"A week and a half."

"Shit," Chloe mumbled before looking away from me. I watched as she stared at the diary that sat in my locker.

"What's the matter?" I seethed as I took my turn to push her out of the way. I began to pack my things, even more determined to leave the school.

"What if someone sees that, Alex?! I told you I don't want anyone knowing about it."

"I know!" I said as I packed my things. "I've kept it hidden here for a week and a half, Chloe. I think it's okay."

I could just feel Chloe's anger sitting in the air between us. I didn't care, though. She wasn't thinking clearly. I knew what I was doing. I wasn't going to get caught with it.

"Someone will eventually see it and ask about it! Do you not realize that?"

I was going to defend myself further until somebody stepped up between us. "Uh, sorry to interrupt, but I have a question, Chloe."

I turned my head to find Natalie standing before Chloe. I felt as if my whole body froze. I hadn't really seen her or payed attention to her even though she was the one Claire ranted on about the most. She was the one who had told Xavior whatever the major secret was. She was the one who continued threatening Claire. She had tried to separate us by using the secret.

I spotted Chloe's eyes dart to me before returning to Natalie. I could tell she was at least a tad nervous. She remembered the parts about Natalie. I didn't think Chloe had known the secret because Claire never bothered saying that she did.

"What is it?" Chloe asked with an obviously forced smile.

"What was our History homework?"

"Oh! Pages thirty-four to thirty-six," she informed her.

I watched as Natalie repeated Chloe's words in a small mutter. She then flashed Chloe a huge smile, only making me want to barf. How could she smile like that after all she had done to the girl who just killed herself?

"Alright, got it. Thanks!"

Chloe nodded and smiled back at her, nowhere near as massive, though.

Natalie then moved her head to my direction and her bright hair swung with her movements. "Bye, Alexandra."

"Bye..." I croaked.

She showed me her teeth as she smiled again. I felt hypnotized by her while she flipped her hair and walked off. I would never be able to look at her the same again. She came off as such a sweet girl. But no. I knew better now.

"So..." Cooed Chloe.

I sighed and pressed my forehead against the cold locker next to my own, allowing my hair to brush over my shoulders and hide my face. This was so hard. I was real tempted to tell Chloe right then to take the diary. To just remove it from my possession. Claire was gone and she wasn't coming back. No one could make her come back. She chose to leave and I needed to realize that.

"I want to show you something."

I lifted my head from the locker and looked back at Chloe. "Huh?"

"Come with me after school," she said with a serious expression.

I knew I didn't have anything to do after school, but it was Thursday. My mother never let me do anything on the evenings of a school night. I couldn't tell you why; she just didn't allow it.

"My mom won't let me," I told her as I shut my locker.

"What? You haven't asked her."

"I know she won't. She never lets me do anything during the school week." I then chuckled and hiked my backpack over my shoulder. "And with the way my grades look now, there is definitely no way."

Chloe hesitated then slowly nodded. "Alright, I see. How about tomorrow?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What is it that you need to show me?"

"I need to show you, not tell you."

I didn't want to wait, but there wasn't a chance that my mother would let me go out with my grades so low. "Okay, well I'll ask about tomorrow."

A small smile grew on Chloe's lips as she was finally satisfied. "Okay, cool."

I nodded but was too weak to smile back. "See you around."

Chloe nodded back and stepped aside. I brushed past her and made my way for the exit. I didn't care what she had to say about me bringing the diary to school. I planned on continuing to do so. I could not put it down. I needed to read.

By the time I stepped outside, my mother was already waiting for me. I walked across the grass and hopped into her car.

"Hi, sissy!" Thomas yelled from the backseat.

I cocked my head to smile back at him. "Hey, Thomas."

"How was your day?" My mom asked as she drove us home. She had taken me to school since it had been storming in the morning. She hated when I drove in the rain. She said it was real dangerous. I was just fine with her opinion because I thought it was stressful. The sky stood light and clear now, with its white and puffy clouds to decorate.

"Just fine," I responded. "Can I hang with Chloe after school tomorrow?"

My mother removed her eyes from the road to give me a quick scolding look. I took that as a no. I didn't blame her. She really shouldn't allow me to do anything since of my slack at school. But if she knew the reason, I didn't think she would be so harsh. 

"If you promise me you will try harder in school then I suppose you can."

"I promise," I mumbled, only half meaning it.

My mother smiled at the road before her. "Okay, then go ahead."

"Thanks," I said before turning my head so I could stare out the window by my right. I wanted to know what it was Chloe wished to show me. It had to do with Claire, I was sure.

My mother pulled into our driveway and I made a break for the indoors. I planned on reading another page before getting some homework done.

I shut my bedroom door behind me and dug the journal out of my backpack. I threw everything else aside and sat on the edge of my bed. I scanned through the pages until I found where I had last read.