Claire's Diary ( On Hold )

Chapter 9

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:D <3

Just to let you all know, the updates on this story will be less often because of the other story I have started. I am NOT quiting on this, it just isn't gonna get all my attention. ^_^

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"I will never know myself until I do this on my own...And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed...I will never be anything till I break away from me...I will break away and find myself today..." -Linkin Park -Somewhere I Belong

Chapter Nine

I walked up the large lawn to Clay County High School the next day. The school that lost a student due to suicide. A student who didn't trust her girlfriend with anything. A student who was amazingly insecure but did a great job at hiding it.

I was hurt. I was already wishing I had skipped those first pages. Why did I read them? No matter how upset they had made me, I brought the diary to school. I could feel its weight in my purple backpack.

Why didn't Claire trust me then? Did she trust me later on? I hoped those were just last year's feelings. I didn't get why she was so insecure. She had nothing to be shy about!

I knew Chloe had warned me to be careful with the diary, but I had to read more! The guilt hit me in the stomach as I felt the journal bounce around with each step. I wouldn't let anyone see it. I could be sneaky enough.

Once I was in my first period class, though, it wasn't as easy as I had thought. The diary sat among my pile of textbooks next to my feet. Mr. Hack was talking, but I wasn't listening. My eyes and focus were glued onto the journal next to my combat boots. How could I read it without getting caught?

Without thinking, I quickly bent down and swiped it up then sat straight in my desk again. I eyed Mr. Hack. He didn't notice! I clutched the diary in my fingers. I was desperate to know what else Claire had said. What else didn't I know about?

I opened the diary and lay it flat on my desk. I then opened to the next passage. I picked up my pencil and leaned over the diary, pretending to write down notes from Mr. Hack's lecture. But instead, I was reading...

'August 20, 2011

I'm feeling more and more trapped each day. Is that bad? I won't ever be able to get away from myself. I hate myself! How am I suppose to live with this monster? Sorry...I'm being dramatic again. I need a therapist.'

My head snapped up as I read the sentence on her therapist. Therapist? Why did Claire need a therapist? Then the other line. She was making herself out to be a terrible person. I didn't know she hated herself.

'Will you be my therapist, Diary? My parents don't seem to realize how I truly feel. If they did, I'm sure I'd be in therapy. I've been happy this week, though. School gave me a new environment after doing pretty much the same thing every day of the summertime. But I'm not happy today. I feel gross and tired. Don't be mad at me! I went to bed at eleven. I'm sorry.'

My mind felt like exploding. Why did Claire hate herself so much?! Why was she so sad? I flipped pages.

'August 24, 2011

I hate Natalie. I hate her. She's threatening to tell my secret. She thinks she's something because she's the only one who knows.'

I let my bottom lip droop down. Natalie was a girl in our grade. She had short blond hair, green eyes, and was tall and thin. I had thought her and Claire were friends. I was surprised that I didn't see her at the funeral. What secret did she know that no one else did? By now I was figuring out that I didn't know anything about Claire really. It was only the forth entry and I was lost.