Claire's Diary ( On Hold )

Chapter 6

"In the darkness I had to fall always find my place among the ashes." -Evanescence

Chapter Six

If I hadn't already fallen into depression, then I was pretty darn close to it. I thought that I was a wreck before, but now I didn't even know how to describe myself. Let's just say I have never cried so much in my life.

I hadn't gone to school Friday but was now being forced to seeing that it was Monday. My mother said it would help to be around people and that school would be a nice distraction. I wasn't so positive.

"Please try to act pleasant," my mother begged as she pulled up to my school.

I gave her an irritated look, not knowing how I was supposed to do what she had asked me. I then sighed and swung open the car door. "I'll try."

She smiled at me, at last looking satisfied, and watched me make my way out of the car.

I jumped out and gave her a small wave before turning to face my school. How was I going to even survive this day?

I made my way up the large lawn to the entrance of the building. I kept my head hung low, half in shame and half in fear of being recognized as the girl who didn't save her girlfriend when she had the chance.

I couldn't control my eyes as they jumped to the spot where me and Claire would meet. They then welled up with tears as I obviously didn't see her. The area was deserted and it made my heart hurt.

I kept as much distance as possible from our meeting spot and soon walked into the school. Once inside, I felt completely exposed, as if I were naked. I felt like all eyes were bearing into me as soon as I was surrounded by the other students. I knew they all were aware of what had happened, and me and Claire never kept our relationship quiet, so they all had to know I was her girlfriend.

I opened my locker and then was forced to raise my head. I had kept it down and had focused on the floor, but immediately after my eyes had been raised, I regretted it. My fear that everyone was watching me was true. I made eye contact with several strangers and once I had seen them, they would instantly whip their head around and show me their back. Others stood whispering and glancing at me warily.

I didn't get what their deal was. Yes, I was dating the girl who just died, but it wasn't like I had murdered her! That's the way all of them were making me feel. I felt like punching each of them in the face and remind them that if they had something to say, they needed to say it to my face.

"Alex!"

I was yanked from my harsh and painful thoughts as I heard my name being called. I didn't have to turn too much to find Jillian heading my way. She wore a sad expression on her lips and was strutting my way.

"Hey, girl," she greeted me once she was standing right before me.

Jillian was mixed and was a senior as well. Her skin was a rich, caramel color and her hair fell in stiff and black endless curls. She had a kick ass body as her hips jumped up and down when she walked, and her breasts stood nice and perky, appearing to be ready for absolutely anything that came their way. She was really the only other female friend I had besides Chloe.

I was going to say something back to her, but choked on my own spit. I felt my eyes once more being threatened by tears. I already wanted to go back home! Half the people at this school hated me and the other half just wanted to give me their sympathy.

Jillian had been Claire's friend, though. She had come to the funeral and had sent me a card in the mail saying how sorry she was.

She must have seen what a disaster I was, because she opened her arms for me.