Through It All

Chapter 11: Anxiety

Best way to avoid something you don't want to deal with is by simply avoiding it. Of course that's easier said than done. I tried. Apparently hiding in Noah's room, packing a few of his things for our move to Philly, didn't work out, well it wasn't the best spot.

Josh managed to drag me away from my said ' important chores' and forced me to help him cook dinner. I was good upstairs, I didn't think about how my mother is going to kill me for what I'm about to lay on her. I didn't think anything at all, except how Noah needed more clothes.

No anxiety.

No bad thoughts.

Nothing.

"Maya relax."

"How?" I ask desperately.

"Josh, I've put her through so much because of my bad decision and this isn't any different." I know instantly that I choose the wrong words when Josh gives me a look. His brows raised and his eyes literally asking me if that's how I really view things.

"I'm sorry," I sigh and hang my head down.

"They weren't bad decisions."

"Even having sex with me and getting pregnant?" My eyes snap towards his, my head shaking vigorously.

"Absolutely not!" I answer truthfully.

"I love Noah more than life itself and I don't regret having him or anything. I'm beyond happy that we had him-"

"So what? Moving to Philly is a bad decision?"

"No," I whine and run my fingers over my face, getting frustrated with what I said. "I didn't mean that. It's just my mom suffered a lot with what I put her through."

"It was her choice not to support us Maya," he reminds me. "She pushed you out, so you left to start a family with me."

"I know. But she did apologise and she's been here for Noah ever since."

"Maya you're twenty one, if we didn't have kids you'd be out travelling living your life away from your parents." The other point of view sounds helpful and I wish it woud relax me like he meant but it does nothing of the sort.

"Yes but Josh we have two kids. One of them who is just three months old."

"She'll just have to understand that its what's best for us."

"Easy for you to say, we'll be with your mother," I grumble, shifting my eyes back to the bolognese sauce I'm mixing for our spaghetti.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Josh asks in a whisper. He doesn't want to yell. This isn't an argument we want to have but instead a conversation where we're trying to understand each other. I know I'm hitting his nerves with my badly chosen words.

"I'm saying that she's had the benefit out of everything," I shrug.

"We lived with her, we're gonna live with her again. She's been here for everything and my mom had the worst. I left her and I'm doing it again."

He sighs and leans against the counter, his arms crossed and his eyes locked on mine. "I don't know what to tell you Maya. She won't take it well that's for sure and I'm sorry you feel like we're abandoning her but if she were supportive from the beginning maybe things would've been different. And I'm not saying she deserve to be left or anything. Us moving is a choice we made for our family, not for my mom, not for yours but us."

"I'm sorry. I'm scared of how she'll react and its messing up with my head." I shake my head and run a hand through my blonde tendrils.

"I know," he quirks a little smile before walking towards me. "It'll be fine. She might be mad but I don't think she'll have it in her to cut you out of her life again."