Through It All

Chapter 17: Neighbor & Insecurities

The most important part of being a father is to be there for my kids.

At least to me it is. I've seen many parent pride themselves in their children's success and achievements but with one look at their kids you know whether they feel loved or not.

As much as I want Noah and Adalynn to have a bright future ahead of them, I promise to be the father that will support them no matter what. The only thing that really matters is they know both Maya and I love them with every inch of our hearts.

It's not something I'm forcing myself to do. It's hard to be away from my kids because I love spending every single second with them. I don't want to miss any important parts of their lives and if I could stay and watch them every day, all day I absolutely would.

Perhaps both Maya and I's upbringing caused our strong love for our children.

I've heard the great stories from my siblings of how great my parents were when they were younger, as much as I hate to say it, I missed out on all those great moments. I don't regret my parents having me later, I'm thankful because otherwise I wouldn't have Maya or our two precious kids. Although I did wish my parents were as involved with me as they were with my siblings. Don't get me wrong, they were there and they've always given me love and support but they weren't the same from the stories I've heard. They didn't seem as... fun.

After seeing what Maya had to go through from losing her father, I promised myself to always be there for the children I would have. I didn't want them to go through the same pain Maya did. The constant insecurities of not being good enough, of being unloved. I wouldn't wish such a nightmare on anyone. It broke my heart to know that the love of my life had to go through such a trauma at such a young age. I wish I could take it all away but I can't, the best thing I can do is how her that I'm here now and forever.

"Daddy!"

"I got you," I chuckle.

"Keep looking straight," I remind him, keeping my hand on the back of his seat. "You're doing so good!" I praise. I could let go and watch him ride his bike on his own like the big boy he is. Although a part of me doesn't want to let go. A part that doesn't want to accept that he doesn't need me anymore. He's only three, four in a week. I can't even wrap my head around the fact that Maya and I had him four years ago.

"Don't let go."

"Never."

I keep walking behind him as he pedals his bike down the neighborhood, my protective hold on him never wavering. As good as he's doing I'm not sure he'll make it very far if I let go. He hasn't gotten quite the balance yet.

Out of nowhere he drops his feet to the ground, stopping his bike abruptly and almost making me trip over him. "You okay? Why did you stop?" I kneel down next to him, eyeing him carefully.

"Look!"

My eyes follow his finger towards a small boy trying to climb a tree. He doesn't seem much older than Noah and from the looks of it no one is watching him. "He's gonna fall," Noah points out.

"Come on."

Noah steps off of his bike and drags it next to him as we approach the kid. "Do you need help?" Noah steals the words right out of my mouth. I glance down at him with a smile, his little head tilt reminding me of his mother.

"My ball is stuck," the boy whines. "I can't get it."

He tries to reach for another branch but I step in before he makes a bad move and falls. "Let me help." I gently help him down the tree before climbing up the tree myself and shaking the branch where his ball seems to be. Once it falls he rushes towards it with a giddy hop in his run.