Through It All

Chapter 18: Fears & Happiness

A/n: please don't kill me. End of school year is always a mess and well it takes ur entire schedule. Anyways this isn't proof read so don't be shy to point out if things don't make sense😂 enjoyyy

"You're not going to grow up are you?" I ask in my famous baby voice, ducking down and locking eyes with greyish blue ones. "You'll be our baby?" I question hopefully.

I catch Josh rolling his eyes playfully in the corner of my eyes and a pout forms on my lips. "I find it disrespectful how Noah just keeps getting older." I huff and cross my arms over my chest, ignoring the fact that Adalynn did turn four month old yesterday.

"Maya," Josh chuckles. He turns away from the party decorations to face me, a playful smile and amusement clouding his blue eyes. "It's not like it's his fault."

"Then who's fault is it?" I raise a brow. "I'd like to have a word with them."

He stifles a laugh at my angry mother look, his eyes sparkling brighter with every word tumbling from my mouth. I don't get what he's finding funny, this is an incredibly serious matter.

"Time."

"We'll I'm gonna give time a piece of my mind," I grumble.

"He's already heard what you've got to say, every year," he reminds me.

"Well he hasn't done anything about it!" I throw my hands in the air, another huff flowing out of me.

"Baby."

I sigh and slump against the cart, leaning my hands on the handle bars and resting my head over my arms. "I blink for just one second and he turns a year older. I-I look away for a split second and Lyn is already a month older."

We have these types of conversations every year, every month and day. The topic is one that we can never settle because it's one that we can't change. No matter how much I want time to stop or just pause and sometimes rewind to live a certain moment again, it can't. I have no power nor control over time and it sucks.

I promise myself every time that I'll react better. That I won't cry or be angry at the world for having another year flash by, that I'll cherish as much as I can. Every second of every day, I'll hold close to my heart. It's hard though.

It breaks my heart to know that I'm one year closer to the end. The end of being needed, the end of an era I won't ever get to experience again. Yes, Lynie is next to go through her toddler face but with Noah it'll be over. He's a few years away from being a kid, a teenager and an adult who won't need his mother as much as he once did.

I know you probably think I'm overreacting but he's made me who I am today and I can't think or imagine a world where he won't be in as much.

"I know," Josh mumbles, the amusement and playfulness long gone. "Tell you what?" A wide smile forms on his face.

"Once we're done having as many kids as you want, we'll travel the world and do all the things we thought of doing as a young couple. How does that sound?"

I let his words sink in and the memories of our conversation from years ago flow through my mind. Where a sixteen year old me made a nineteen year old Josh promise to take to Paris, Italy and Spain. I remember the wild dreams we once had, the dreams I've thought of for days on end.

"Awesome but it wouldn't be the same without the kids now." I shrug, my eyes flickering to Adalynn happily resting in her car seat that's placed in our cart, sucking on her thumb. "A couple getaway sounds great. Perfect even. But a family getaway sounds a little better."