Insomniac Party

1 Frosty 1

"It's your turn!" I laughed as I texted him. I loved this time we spent together, asking random questions and discussing for hours. The only thing that would make it better would be if he were here next to me.
"Would you rather these random question things be in person?" I feel my phone vibrate. I smile.
"Yes," is all I say in return.
"Good," he replies, "and good night."
"Good night captain" I text back. I roll over and try to sleep, but goodness knows I've been awake since three in the morning every day this week and I haven't fallen asleep until around twelve.
I've been avoiding it. With sleep comes the dreams. Dreams that cause panic attacks; that make me wake up and spend the day afraid something will happen. With sleep comes the thoughts. What am I doing with my life? What are my priorities? What could happen next?
I feel the buzzing and my heart races. It's just my phone, it's okay. He texted me again. What does he want?
"You're wonderful," is all it says, and my racing heart melts into a warmth that I wish I could share with him.
The next morning a text Smiles. Her and Sticks have a little thing going on. "Gosh I was so flirty. He said he wanted da booty, and then he asked if I was trying to get laid. I said I was," she explains their conversation from the previous night to me. It seemed pretty intimate, but they aren't a thing. Apparently she also told Lips and that made Sticks upset. I tried to rationalize with her, "Well, you guys shared a special moment. If he meant it, maybe he just wanted it to be private."
I told her she could blame it on me because Sticks already doesn't like me very much. "No. I told Lips too, and him being him asked Sticks if he liked the conversation we had," she explained.
Well alright then, I guess I have nothing to complain about if I'm not being blamed.
I lose myself in a flashback. Smiles and I had a rough year. What with the depression and going to different schools and boys and all. We had just started talking to each other again. I didn't want to mess it up. She didn't know how much I went through the months we were apart. I had tried so hard not to let anything hurt her, and when she told me that I was worse than her depression, that I made it harder for her to function...I became my own enemy. I hated myself. But I couldn't tell her she did that to me, not when that's why I was hurt in the first place. I always feel so on edge though. What will I do next? What more can I break?
Captain. Captain and Smiles had been together twice before him and I became friends. Man, I loved him. I couldn't help but feel like I was picking up the trash sometimes though. Smiles misses him, but she left him for Dreams.
Smiles had also been with Sticks twice before she was with Captain. Now they're just friends, although it seems like some desire is budding between them. I don't try to understand Smiles' love life.
I threw on some jeans and got ready for yet another nondescript day of high school. My first few classes were nice, but not overly exciting. The good thing was that Pokes had a girlfriend now so he stopped trying to flirt with me, and Hats transferred schools so now I get to see him everyday.
"How are you?" I text Captain at lunch.
"Pretty good, you?" He responds, then, "What is your name?" A few seconds later.
"Frosty," I replied confused.
"Sorry, that was Sticks. He says that I'm just going through all of Smiles' friends and leaving broken hearts in my path. He also says I should leave you now because you're a bitch."
"Hey, he's been through a couple of Smiles' friends too, and yes I was a bitch to him but I apologized. It's not my fault that he can't get over it," I texted him back frustrated. Sticks said that he forgave me. Guess not. Oh well, can't have everything.
Captain texts me back comfortingly, "Hey, you can hold your own. I appreciate that."
I smile, "I'm glad."
Lunch ends and I drift through my next class and into math. Hats sits next to me. "Want a cookie?" Horse asks.
"Sure," I reply taking the crumbling chocolate covered thing.
"Can I have some?" Hats asks.
"No," Horse snaps at him.
I break off a piece of mine, "Here," I hand him a piece and flash him a smile. He takes it happily.
"I'm pretty sure you are the only one at this table who likes me," he mumbles. I shrug. Making progress.
"I don't understand number three," I say confused.
"I can explain it to you if you want," Hats offers.
Yes please. I lean in so I can hear him and see better. He explains and I smile as I begin to get it. Then he makes a joke and I laugh. We start talking about our families. More jokes and laughing. Then suddenly he brings up when we last saw each other, " I only go there for an hour now."
"I know, but you were my only friend," I tell him. He has no idea how much I've missed him.
He sighs, "You were my only friend too. I want to make a career of it though, and I had to make some sacrifices."
"Yeah," is all I can say back. It's good to know that he missed me too. That he had felt the same way those so many months ago when we had been close.
The class was a rush. It was so nice talking to him again. I know the rest of the table was making fun of me, but I didn't care. I wasn't hearing them, I was only interested in talking to Hats again.
I looked down and got back to work on my math review. I couldn't help but notice him looking at me over the top of his computer screen every couple of minutes.
After school I got a text from Captain, "I talked to her today. Boom. I win."
I respond lightly, even though the thought of him flirting around with Beanie is a knife to my heart. "Lol I was going to tell you you'd be so proud of me, I talked to him." I tell him about talking to Hats, but I know he thinks I was talking to Glasses.
"He wants it. Likes it, I don't know. But wants it, definitely," he tells me.
"I have a confession though, it was Hats, not Glasses."
Captain replies and I could tell he was annoyed, "that's easy. You could have Hats any day you wanted."
"No I couldn't, he's got other girls," I try to defend the good time I had.
" I talked to Beanie. Beautiful. Way out of my league. Who did you talk to hmmmm?" He asks, now he's just being sassy for the fun of a little competition.
"An old friend that still wants me," I spit back. Two can play at this game. I'm good at catching on the the tone of a person and giving them back exactly what they're putting out.
I can almost hear him scoff as I read his response, "I got twenty of those."
By now I'm done. I name a whole list of guys who try to talk to and flirt with me. Including Arms, who is older and beautiful and completely unobtainable, but happened to talk to me the week before. Then I finish it off with, "Why are we competing. You win."
"No no no. You win, I just like being competitive," Captain rushes to make things better.
I think it's funny how he never really apologizes, but he always does something to make it up. He says he doesn't care about most people, but it makes him feel bad to disappoint me. He said he could never hurt me. Of course, that was all a while ago and it's so hard to tell with him. Does he mean it now or not? What does he feel for me, if anything at all. He says he wants me, but then when I say that it would be nice he laughs and says it's unlikely it will ever happen. Is he just protecting himself? Trying not to get his own hopes up? Goodness knows I've done it before. I just wish he could see that I actually do want him, I actually would cuddle him, I actually will stay. That's why I'm Frosty. I have the ability to love through all kinds of hardship and messes. But melt Frosty's heart, and it freezes back twice as cold. Just as delicate.