Finding A Family: One Shots

Contemplation

Alan's POV
For a few days I could tell something had been on Freddie's mind. He wasn't his usual cheery, blunt self lately and I was starting to get worried. I'm not oblivious to the fact that out of the two of us I am the more anxious one. When Freddie starts to get anxious that's when I really start to worry. After we had dropped Hannah off at school one morning I decided to ask him about it. "Fred, is everything okay love? It just that it seems like something has been on your mind lately," I asked him softly. He looked at me and hesitated a little bit went on. "Darling, I've been thinking about something. Now I know this might sound a little crazy but I've put a lot of thought into it. I think it may be worth connecting with Amanda," he said. I was pretty shocked at his statement given how angry he was when he first found out that I talked to her. "What do you mean by connect," I asked. "I don't know exactly. When I was listening her speak during the trial, she wasn't the monster I had painted her as in my head. I mean when I really think about it, she's the whole reason we have Hannah back," he said. I stood there for a minute a little shocked. "Fred, I'm sorry, it's just that I'm a little surprised. Last time we talked about her, you seemed to be really angry with her- rightfully so," I said. "I know- it's just. Darling before I met you I had a bout with drugs myself. I did some terrible things to feed by addiction. I mean nothing near as bad as what Amanda did but I know what it's like to be at the mercy of what's feeding your addiction," he replied. "You never told me that before," I replied. "I was ashamed for so long," he said sheepishly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of love. What matters is that you got better and look at where you are now, the love of my life, the best Daddy ever," I comforted him. "Thank you darling. I just think what if I wasn't given that chance. I know I made some mistakes and I'm grateful my family forgave me," Freddie replied. "Where do you want to go from here Fred? I want you to call the shots- I know I went behind your back last time and I want you to have control this time," I told him. "Darling it's not about control, we need to make a decision together and with Hannah. It's going to take all of us to figure out something that is best for everyone. How about we talk about this with Charlie. I mean all of us, you me and Amanda," Freddie said. "That  sounds like a good idea, probably best to have Charlie give us some advice,"  I answered. "But I don't think it would be good for Hannah to see her just yet, maybe we can do it without her there," Freddie said. "I'm sure Hannah can go with Lizzie while the three of us talk. It will all be okay sweetheart," I said. "Alright it's settled then," Freddie said.

A week later Fred and I were sitting in Charlie's office waiting for Amanda to arrive. Hannah was in the playroom with Lizzie. We made sure Hannah was unaware of the situation and asked Amanda to arrive after we did. I could tell Freddie was a little nervous and I did my best to comfort him. Next thing I knew Charlie's secretary was walking in with Amanda. "Hello Amanda thank you for coming today," Charlie said. "Of course. I'm so happy you reached out. Um are you sure she doesn't know I'm here? I don't want to scare her," Amanda said. I could tell she was a nervous wreck. It couldn't be easy being in the room with us. "Yes we're sure, Hannah is in another room and can't hear anything that's going on here," Charlie said. "Now I think we are all here because we want what's best for Hannah. It's going to take some time but I think if we all work together we can work something out that is best for her," Charlie said. "Yes, I think your right," Freddie started, "Amanda I know we didn't get off to the best start but I wanted to thank you again for everything you did to help us get Hannah back. I know how hard it is to escape your past but you are still Hannah's mother- I think you deserve to have some part in her life," Freddie said. Amanda began to tear up at Freddie words, "I don't know if I deserve another chance," she said through her tears. "Amanda, can I ask what are you hopes for your relationship with Hannah?" Charlie asked. "What I hope for I can't have- I want a relationship where she visits me, I'm there for her birthdays. Where we get to spend Christmas together," she started but began to tear up again, "but that's never going to happen. She is terrified of me. I can't blame her after what an awful excuse I was for a mother," she finished. "Amanda, we know you made some awful mistakes but we know how hard you have worked to better yourself and we want you to have some part of her life. We don't know what that is going to look like but we are willing to try. Right Fred?" I said. "Yes that's right. It might take some time but we can work together," Freddie said. Amanda looked at us with relief and joy. "You have no idea how much that means to me. Where are we supposed to start from here," Amanda said. "I think a good place to start is to hear what Hannah has to say. Everything we do has to be at her pace," Charlie said. "Yes, of course. Are Freddie and Alan going to talk to her?" Amanda asked. "Well I was thinking I could go talk to her a little now and as long as it's okay with Freddie and Alan- you could watch Amanda. We have a one way mirror so you can see her but she can't see you," Charlie said. "Oh my goodness really?" Amanda said hopefully. But her hope quickly faded to anxiety," Freddie, Alan, would that be okay with you? I understand if you aren't comfortable," she said nervously. Freddie and I looked at each other and nodded in agreement. "I think that would be fine, so long as Hannah doesn't see her," Freddie replied. "You all can watch and she'll never know you are there," Charlie assured.

Charlie lead us to a hallway where we could watch Hannah from the one way mirror. As soon as Amanda saw Hannah through the mirror she lit up. She walked right up to the glass and put her hand again it, staring at Hannah in awe. "She's beautiful isn't she?" Freddie said as he put his hand on her shoulder and smiled softly. "Yes. She looks so happy and healthy. You two have done amazing," she said smiling back. I was amazed at how kind Freddie was being to Amanda. I mean I didn't see her as evil as I once did but I still had my guard up somewhat. We watched from the window as Charlie began to talk to Hannah. "Hannah is it okay if you and I talk for a little while?" He asked her. "Okay," she said as she played with Ellie. "Hannah this might be a little scary but can we talk about your Mama?" He asked her softly. "Do we have to?" She said nervously. "Just for a little while sweetheart,"Charlie. "Hannah how much do you remember about Mama?" Charlie asked. "I remember she sometimes help bad Daddy hurt me. Sometimes she would try to help me but a lot of times she was mean," Hannah said nervously. "Hannah did bad Daddy ever hurt Mama?" Charlie asked me "Yes," Hannah answered. "Hmm. Maybe Mama was scared too," Charlie said. Hannah just looked confused as if she was processing everything. "Hannah, do you think your Mana loved you?" Charlie asked. Hannah took in his question and then shook her head no. "She hurt me- she let bad daddy hurt me," she said, "She doesn't love me, Daddy and Papa love me. I don't like her and I don't want her to come back," Hannah said. Amanda had been trembling the whole conversation but when she heard those words she ran off in tears. Freddie took off after her and I followed behind. We followed her to her car and Freddie tried to talk to her, "Amanda she's just a little girl she doesn't understand," he pleaded. "No, I was stupid to come here, she hates me," she cried. "Amanda that's not true. She's just confused and scared," I said as she got into her car. "Please don't leave Amanda," Freddie begged. "Just let me go," she said before she drove off.  Freddie and I looked at each other in defeat. "I didn't want things to go this way she has to know that," Freddie said as we both held each other.