Finding A Family: One Shots

Reassurance

Charlie's POV
I was sitting in my therapy office with Alan. I could tell he was pretty shaken up after seeing Hannah go into a panic a second ago. I myself was a little taken aback but her reaction makes complete sense. My mind went back to the times Jack and Annie would bring Hannah for her therapy sessions. I was caught off guard when she practically ran to me when they brought her in and would begin to scream when it was time to go back with Annie and Jack. Her reaction to going with Lizzie now wasn't as intense as when she was with Jack and Annie but it was still a little jarring.

My decision to keep Hannah with Freddie while I spoke with Alan was intentional. During my time working with this family I learned that Alan was the more anxious of the couple. Alan was always more flustered when Hannah would have panic attacks and when she was being more clingy. I'm sure it pained Freddie to see Hannah in this state as well but he had more of an overall calm demeanor and was coped better with these situations.

"Alan, I can see you're a little shaken up after seeing Hannah's reaction, can you talk to me a little bit about that?" I asked  "It's just, I thought everything would be normal when she came home. When she was away I thought the biggest challenge we had to overcome was getting her home. I thought once we settled everything in the courts and brought her home, everything would be perfect and things would go back to how they were," Alan replied. "And how have things been since she came home? Would you say things have been bad?" I asked. "I suppose saying things have been bad is putting it rather harshly. It's just I feel like we are are right back where we started. She's back to that terrified little girl we brought home from the hospital. Only things feel worse now. She's been sneaking into our bed at night and even had an accident the other night. She's never done anything like that," Alan said with pain in his voice. "Sometimes the hardest thing to wrap our minds around is that progress isn't always linear. When your child takes a few steps back in their healing journey it can feel like we have come short as parents. But just because we feel that way doesn't mean that it's true," I said. "How can it not be true? I'm her father I'm supposed to know how to make her feel safe. Make her feel protected. If I can't do that I'm a failure," Alan said.  "Well, I wouldn't say that you are failing at making Hannah feel safe. It's not that she doesn't feel safe when she's with you,  she feels unsafe without you. Hannah didn't have a panic attack out of the thought that you couldn't keep her safe, she had a panic attack at the thought of being away from you, from being away from her protector," I challenged. Alan looked at me pondering what I had just said. "Alan, when is Hannah anxious the most at home?" I asked "She's most anxious when we put her to bed," Alan replied. "And when you put her to bed is one of the few times she's away from you I'm assuming," I responded.  "Yes," Alan replied. "Do you see where I'm going here?" I said with a smile. "I suppose you're right," Alan replied. "Now Alan, I am going to tell you something that may be hard to digest at first," I began,  "after seeing Hannah's behavior and from what you have told me about her behavior at home, I believe she has developed something called separation anxiety," I finished.  As soon as I said those words Alan began to tense up and I could see the worry in his face. "Alan this isn't a life changing diagnosis, in fact I would expect from someone who has gone through everything Hannah has been through," I said. "I still feel like I caused this. There must have been something that I could have done to stop this from happening," Alan said defeated. "Alan that could not be further from the truth. Everything that contributed to Hannah developing this was out of your control. The trauma of being taken away from you and Freddie combined with the trauma she experienced from her birth parents are what lead her to develop this anxiety, it was nothing you or Freddie did," I responded.  Alan looked at me with a look on his face that told me he was somewhat buying into what I was saying, although not entirely. "How do I fix this?" Alan asked. "Alan, it's not about fixing this, it's more so helping Hannah cope. Remember nothing here is a quick fix and sometimes we might take some steps back but that doesn't mean we are failures," I told him.  "You're right, I need to be more gentle with myself and with Hannah. How can I help her?" Alan responded. "We make a plan but I think it's important that everyone is involved," I told him to which Alan nodded his head. "Now how about we go see Hannah?" prompted  "Yes, let's go," Alan responded.

Alan and I made our way to the other room where we found Freddie, Lizzie, and Hannah on the floor talking about their cat Juliet. Hannah was still clinging to Freddie, basically sitting in his lap. "Hey sweet pea,"  I said to her as Alan and I sat down on the floor. "I wanna stay with Daddy, " Hannah whimpered. "Don't worry sweetheart Daddy isn't going anywhere," I reassured her.  "Hannah can we talk about something for a second, it might be a little hard to talk about at first but you don't have to be scared," I told her. "O-okay," she responded. "Good girl," I praised. "Now Hannah, I bet it can be scary when you have to be away from Daddy and Papa," I started. Hannah slowly nodded her head in reply. " I know it's scary sweetheart but there are times when you're going to have to be away from Daddy and Papa honey," I said. "Like at bedtime?" Hannah replied. "Yes, like at bedtime and when you go back school or when you go visit Nana and Grandpa," I said. "I am in trouble?" Hannah asked pitifully. "No, you're not in trouble Hannah," I said a little surprised by her question. "Why would you like your are in trouble love?" Lizzie asked. "Because I went into Daddy and Papa's bed," she answered shyly. "Papa did I make you mad when I went into your bed and when I had an accident?" Hannah asked Alan. Alan looked heartbroken by Hannah's question and I was worried that this could make him doubt himself again. "No sweetheart I wasn't mad. I know that you were just scared angel. I think Papa was just a little scared too, love. Sometimes when I'm scared it make me upset but you didn't do anything wrong sweetheart," Alan answered her. Hannah looked relieved by Alan's answer and I think everyone in the room could feel the tension release. Hannah seemed to processing everything and her mind must have gone back to something I said earlier because she turned to me and said, "I don't wanna go to school." "Hannah, love you know you have to go back to school," Freddie said softly. "I wanna stay with you and Papa. I don't want to go away again," Hannah whimpered. "Hannah, I know it's scary to be away from Daddy and Papa even if it's for a little while but you aren't going to be taken away again," I said. "Maybe we can think of ways to make it less scary," I went on. "Hannah how about we talk about how to make bedtime less scary first? What would make you feel less scared during bed time Hannah?" I asked. "Being in Daddy and Papa's bed," Hannah answered. "I'm sure that does make it less scary pumpkin but I think the bed would feel crowded with the three of you in there all the time. Besides you have your own bed, I think your stuffies in your room would miss you," I told her. Hannah looked a little disappointed with my answer. "Tell you what, I think it would be okay if Daddy or Papa stayed with you in your bed for a couple of nights. Does that sound okay?" I said. Hannah nodded her head excitedly. "What do you two think?" I asked Freddie and Alan. "I'm alright with that, how about you darling?" Freddie turned to Alan. "Yes, that sounds okay," Alan responded. "But only for a little while, your going to have to go back to sleeping by yourself soon. Okay?" I told her. "Okay," Hannah said reluctantly, "but when I have to sleep by myself, can Daddy and Papa stay for a little while, until I fall asleep," she asked. "Yes of course love," Alan responded. "I'm sorry we stopped doing that darling. I suppose Papa and I forgot," Freddie said stroking Hannah's hair. "Hannah I know things are going to be a little scary at first but we're going to make you feel safe honey," I assured her. For the rest of the session we discussed plans to help Hannah with going back to school and sleeping in her own room again. And I could finally  see everyone becoming more hopeful and confident that things would change for her better.