dreamland | dreamnotfound

16

16 - muffinhead ; hello my old heart | the oh hello's

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clay stared at george's figure as he walked away, and with no choice, he headed back to darryl's place. the blond couldn't help the sob which escaped his lips, arms wrapping around himself as he walked slowly to the apartment complex, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to clear his head.

once he entered darryl's place, it was sapnap who saw him first. sapnap first saw clay's red, puffy eyes and trembling form.

"oh, clay." sapnap murmured, enveloping his best friend in a hug, clay was too tired to return the gesture, so he just leaned his tall frame into sapnap's. entering the dining room, was when they saw darryl with his head in his hands. "bad, he's here."

"did you apologize to george?" darryl asked sharply, looking at clay, his eyes filled with disappointment.

"i tried, but he doesn't want to listen." clay reasoned, darryl sighed, his eyes closed and raised a hand to shut the younger up.

"no shit he doesn't want to listen! you played him like a fool clay! if you aren't ready for commitment, please, not george, he's been through so much-" darryl ranted, standing up.

"bad! cut clay some slack!" sapnap interrupted, walking infront of clay to block him from darryl.

"no! you don't fucking understand. you weren't the one who saw george after the accident, who saw how broken he became. i love all of you equally but you don't get to destroy george after months of building him up." darryl yelled, tears falling down from his eyes, "george has been there for me through thick and thin, and i wanted to return the favour. he doesn't deserve the pain you're giving him."

"darryl, calm down." sapnap gently said, making clay sit down on the chair infront of darryl, "i know clay caused a lot of damage, but he didn't mean it."

darryl looked up at clay, his eyes also red and puffy as the latter's, and sat back down. his posture wasn't straight as he slumped down on the brown and gold coloured chair. "i'm sorry." darryl said quietly, "i shouldn't have pressured you. i was wrong. and, i'm sorry for blowing up."

"no, i should be the one apologizing." clay replied, his tone frantic, "you were right, by not talking to george i was hurting him. and i was hurting myself. but bad, i'm just so scared of how people will react." clay continued, his voice was weak and silent. his hands were still trembling, clay fidgeted, hoping they won't notice the nervousness coursing through his veins.

"clay, your feelings are valid, and your fears are valid." darryl looked up at clay, who was much taller than him even though he was seated on the chair in front of him, "closing yourself off in fear of getting hurt is no way to live, numbing the greatest pain in the world also means numbing the greatest joy. we're here for you, clay. and i know your dad will be fine with whoever you are and whoever you're with."

clay couldn't hold his tears at darryl's little speech, breaking down infront of his best friends. sapnap laid a hand on clay's shoulder and drew circles with his thumb, "we love you clay, and you are free to love whoever you want to love."

they silently comforted clay as he cried all of the tears in his eyes, his breathing was uneven and his chest heaved as he desperately tried to claw his heart out of his chest. "i fucked up, i fucked up so bad. he won't forgive me." clay muttered over and over again.

"no, clay. just give him time, give yourself time and figure yourself out. explain your reasons and he'll accept it." darryl said, "george loves you, clay. he loves you so much." darryl smiled softly at the blond.

"everything will be alright." nick comforted. clay smiled, albeit small, but he smiled. darryl and sapnap thought that making him smile was a vast improvement from his previous mood.

--

george slammed the door of his apartment, and slid down on the door, his bottom lip trembling as he let out a frustrated yell.

george felt like he was trapped in ruins, bound in a destroyed cell, but contrary to his belief - it wasn't his body nor his soul. he kept reasoning, overthinking, trying desperately to find his willpower to leave and let go for he knew he was breaking - one small move, or a sudden weight shift, then he'd shatter into a million pieces invisible to the naked eye.

he felt trapped in an illusion of shadows and familiar murmurs of sweet nothings, lullabies and unmistakable silhouettes - they're all held together by the thought of an unreachable happy ending, ruining the image of potential into fear that george will fall apart and doubt whether clay's love for him, or whatever it was, was true.

george was shackled down to expectations, loneliness and fear about what the future holds. a future without clay, even as a friend, and a world without love. he doesn't know what the world has in store for him because clay was too afraid to venture out, and what's bad was the blond was his crutch - an essential - for his legs have been broken by the weight of his guilt and sorrow. george's hands are itching to create yet he has nothing but tear stained flowers, and he can't help but run his fingers upon its soft, withering petals, life summoned and revived, influenced and intoxicated by the tears shed by his tired and empty eyes.

he sat there on the floor, knees close to his chest, eyelids feeling very heavy. george doesn't feel sad anymore, well, he still does but it was dulled down. all he wanted to do was sleep, he was very tired. and that's what he does. george fell asleep leaning against his door, with tear stains evident on his cheeks. and for the first time, he slept without dreaming of the accident, or about his past life. only nothingness embraced him.