BEHIND BLUE EYES - ROGER DALTREY

nine

21st july, 1968

Mick and I had been arguing quite a lot recently, resulting in my crying to Rachael at night over a tub of ice cream. I hadn't told Pete about it as I know he would be angry and would beat up Mick for sure. I felt guilty for not telling him but I felt it was for the best as I know he would definitely overreact.

Speaking of Pete, I hadn't seen him much in the past week or so. To be honest, I was scared of running in to him or any of the lads for that matter in fear of Mick finding out. I know I should stand up for myself and do what I want but I hate confrontation and arguments and will do anything to a avoid getting into them, especially with Mick.

Mick was lovely and I really liked him but I was feeling incredibly drained as he was jealous of me being friends with a lot of other boys. This was a common theme with my boyfriends and I was getting pretty sick of it. I was starting to question whether I could ever be loved without them being suspicious of my close friendship with Pete or any other of my male friends.

I hadn't broken up with him but Rachael was telling me that I should. I was feeling sad quite a lot and it wasn't good for my mental health and I was always dreading the boys coming up in conversation, fearing it would cause another argument. It wasn't healthy and I shouldn't have to feel like that.

But I did really like Mick and we had a good time together. It was just a shame he would get so jealous when it was so unnecessary.

I decided that tonight I would just stay in and watch some tv to take my mind off things. It was currently seven at night and I had stationed myself at my sofa with a bag of crisps and a bottle of wine. Rachael came down to join me not long after I had begun watching some tv, "Annie, do you want to go out? Take your mind off Mick for a bit?" I shake my head, not taking my eyes off the screen. She sighs, "Come one Annie, you've not left the house in a few days. Just a little walk, yeah?" I look at her, "I'm not really in the mood, Rach." She nods, "Alright." And with that she makes her way back up to her bedroom.

Ten minutes later a knock sounds from the door and I walk round to go and answer it. Pete stood there, with a crate of lager in his hand and a packet of cigarettes. He doesn't bother to ask and just steps into the house, pulling me into an embrace. As soon as my head hits his chest I let out a sob, putting my arms around his waist, holding on for dear life. He wraps his arms around my shoulder, squeezing me close to him.

"What wrong, Bell?" I shrug, wiping my tears. He chuckles lightly, before taking my hand and leading me to my sofa. "C'mon, let it all out." I tell him about Mick and his jealously. At first how it was Roger but he became more paranoid of me around John and even Pete, not Keith because he knew he was married. I told him how he wouldn't want me going out with them and how he would worry about me, "Is that why you've been avoiding us?" He asks and I shrug. He sighs, pulling me on to his lap, squeezing me tightly. "You don't need him, you've got me. I'm all you need." I nod, "Remember our agreement?" I chuckle, "How could I forget?"

When we were twelve years old and I had just split up with my pathetic boyfriend at the time. Pete and I swore that if we both didn't find anyone to be with we would get married and grow old together. And by looking at the state of things, it was heading that way.

He pulls two cigarettes out of the packet and hands one two me, "Now, I know you don't usually smoke but I know you do when you're sad or annoyed. So, here you go." I thank him as he lights it for me and I take a long drag, tipping my head back to blow out the smoke. "Rach would go mad if she knew we were smoking in here." Pete chuckles, "I'll open the window." He stands up, opening the window slightly before sitting back down next to me.

"I just hate that guy." He says all of a sudden and I instantly knew he was talking about Mick. "You hate every guy I have gone out with." He laughs, "Yeah, you have picked some shockers. You have horrible taste." I scoff, smacking his chest. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, "Honestly though, I would rather you go out with Roger than that pillock." My eyes widen, "What happened to 'please don't fall for Roger'." I laugh, mocking him. He takes the joke, "Yeah. When I think about it, please don't get with Roger." I laugh, "Well, we don't like each other so-" Pete scoffs, "I beg to differ sometimes." I smack him on the chest.