What We Become | Book Two

3. Territory

The fog hung around the town like an army ready for battle. Trees peered through the cloud as faded silhouettes with their bare branches that twisted and wound toward the sky. There was a soft scent in the air of brewing rain combined with the smoky haze of the bonfire. It was almost peaceful as I set about arranging the maps on the rotting wood table.

"Mind if I interrupt?"

I almost jumped but her voice was calm and soft, comforting like it always was. The effect she had on me was overwhelming, and yet, I didn't want anything else.

"You know me," I sighed. "I love interruptions."

Em sat down on the bench beside me. She, like everyone else, was bundled in a large coat and black woolly hat that covered most of her head.

"Chris said I might find you up here," she said. The cold air hung on her breath, masking her reddened nose as she bundled her mouth into the thick scarf around her neck.

"Best place to think," I replied, gesturing to the space around us. 

The balcony was quiet and nobody else ever bothered to come up. It overlooked most of the town and I found comfort in the peace it held. Above the town, I was able to put things into perspective when it all felt too much.

She placed a gloved hand over mine. "How are you doing, by the way?" Her face was a picture of concern as her fingers wrapped themselves around mine.

I shrugged. The maps in front of me didn't make sense like they usually did and I couldn't picture any definitive route for supplies. 

"I'm fine."

"I know you're not," she gave a half-smile. "You only come up here when you're trying to get out of the way."

I exhaled and met her eyes. Their deep blue complimented the frosty air and cut through the fog that hung on her breath.

"Will's scared," I said.

"Scared?" she cocked her head. "Of what?"

Her confusion was justified. The words 'Will' and 'scared' never went in the same sentence, let alone beside each other. Everyone had always seen Will as the leader, the person who knew what to do. He wasn't supposed to be scared. If Will said he was scared, everyone else should've been terrified.

"Winter," I said. "He said he can't picture us at the end of it."

"Well, that's... charming," she muttered. "I thought we were prepared for the next few months anyway?" she scowled, starting to look nervous.

"We were, but Will seems to think otherwise. Maybe he's seeing something that I'm not. Something that I should be seeing."

Her face softened and her red cheeks lifted, tinted from the cold and harsh wind. "You're not missing anything, Ben. We're just in new territory now... We'll manage. We always do."

I shrugged again. "That's what I said to him... He just didn't seem to believe it."

Her attention turned to the maps on the table, held down at the corners by various sized rocks. She seemed fascinated by the diagrams and labels I'd recently added, the ones that helped me remember which areas were safe and which weren't.

"We've never experienced winter like this. None of us have..." I said as the thoughts began tumbling from my lips. "How do we know what we're about to face? Maybe he's right to be scared." I added as we both looked to the swirling roads and expanses of green against the gridded paper.

"You're both worried because you care. It's understandable given the situation we're all in. But you have to remember that we have it under control..." Her eyes met mine once again and I almost melted. "And I know that's not the only reason that you're up here."

There weren't many people that knew me as well as she did and it was one of the many things I loved about her. How she'd always notice the smallest details like the change in mood that nobody else picked up on, or her attention to Sophia when she noticed she was being left out.

I shrugged, my head wavering. "It would've been mum's birthday today... It's probably the reason Will is suddenly all stressed out too."

She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and rubbed her hand against my coat. "You shouldn't spend it by yourself," she said. "We should celebrate."

I shook my head. "I don't think celebrating the birthday of the woman who caused all this is going to make people too happy."

She grimaced. "Well, it doesn't have to be that big of a celebration."

"I don't think I've even got the energy to pretend to be happy today... The people here look to us for hope, Em, to keep them going somehow. I don't know how to give them something I don't have."

"I think you need a break," she suggested with a smile as she adjusted her hat.

"I have to get started on these supply runs-"

"Ben, when was the last time you actually relaxed?"

"Uh... January?"

She nodded. "That's what I thought. The jury's out on this one. You're coming with me. I also heard a rumour going around that Lo's making hot chocolate later."

"Making?" I scoffed. "With what ingredients?"

"Well," she cocked her head. "I say making... Powder mix and water counts, right? She told me she found some vanilla syrup on the last supply run... but don't tell anyone else I said that."

I smirked. "I definitely remember putting that one on the list as a top priority item."

"Hey," she nudged my side. "It keeps people happy... and you're putting all the boring items on the list now you're in charge of supply runs."

"Boring items?" My mouth dropped and I almost laughed. "Care to amuse me?"

Her head tilted with a stern expression. "Soup, dried fruit, rice... Gross." Her face screwed before she cracked a smile. "Where are the Strawberry Laces? The Peppa Pig birthday cake? Colin the Caterpillar?"

I stared as Em burst into hysterics. Her rosy cheeks were bright against the frost and a smirk crept across my face. It was hard not to smile seeing her that happy.

"I'll remember those for next time."

"Come on," she said, pressing gloved hands against my cheeks. "Maps can wait. I haven't seen you all morning."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, pressing my lips against hers. The kiss was soft and warm, unlike the touch of her nose against my cheek which was sharp. Her smile widened beneath my lips and her body pressed closer against me. Moving my gloved hands from her waist, I placed them under her coat, where her warmth bled through.

I knew I'd never be able to put it into words but I felt whole with her, like I wasn't completely empty.

She pulled back for a breath. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah I know," I rolled my eyes, making her laugh again.

Her smile was contagious and she hit me lightly on the shoulder. My lips pulled into a deeper grin and I rubbed my hands against her back.

"I love you," I said, the words lighting up her face. It was a look of hope and warmth. A look I wished to see on her face as we grew old together, watching the world around us in whatever state it might be. It would be me and her and that's how I always wanted it to be. Forever.

"You know we don't have to go down there, right? We could stay up here for a little bit longer..." I pulled her back in for another kiss.

"Ben," she groaned through small laughs.

I pulled away with my eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Don't you think people will be wondering where we've both got to?"

My forehead creased as I held her tighter. "Not our problem."

She remained silent as her stare narrowed, a smile burning at the corners of her lips. She was patient and stubborn, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

"Alright," I sighed, releasing her and beginning to fold up the papers on the table. "You've convinced me. You've got my full attention which is more than these maps will ever get."