What We Become | Book Two

32. Little Experiments

The cool air hit me first as Julia opened the door to the small green area outside the building. I gasped, swallowing down the fresh air.

The feeling of deja-vu hit me and I froze. In this memory, I wasn't Infected. I still felt uneasy, the expanse of green space felt wrong somehow but the reason seemed too distant to reach.

"Julia, you know I can't let you be out here long?" the guard spoke.

"Do you ever take a day off, Donut?"

"Not this week."

Julia turned around to where I stood, unmoving. Her brows furrowed as she retreated back up the path.

"Em?" she asked. Her hand grazed my arm and the contact was enough to bring me back to myself. As I met her eyes, she looked concerned. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Just another flashback."

"Of when you were Infected?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. It felt like I was human."

"That's some progress then, right?" Her brows raised and her gaze drifted around the space. "Do you want to carry on? We can go back if you want..."

"No," I refused. "I want to be out here."

We continued to walk, carrying on until the far end of the fence where the metal wire enclosed us. The fence sat over eight feet tall with straggled wire sticking out from the top in all directions, curling like spirals that would never be unravelled.

It was clear the fence wasn't just to keep the Infected out.

It was another flashback that stopped me from moving any further. I couldn't walk any closer to the fence. It was something about its stretching wires that made me feel enclosed and trapped with no way to escape. I began to shake as my body retreated.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head.

"It's okay," Julia said, a gentle and comforting tone to her voice. "There's a bench over there we can sit on." She pointed back closer to the building where a black bench sat, untouched.

The sun was just beginning to rise across the field and I began to relax as the colours washed the sky. I looked up, widening my eyes to the expanse.

"Dawn Hill," I muttered.

"Hm?"

"Dawn Hill," I repeated, looking out to the horizon. "It's a place. The name just came to me."

Her brows lifted and her eyes widened. "Did you stay there?"

"I... I can't remember. Sorry."

She lowered her head, smiling. "Don't worry about that too much. How're you feeling?" she asked when we reached the bench.

I wrapped my fingers around the armrest and sunk into it. "This isn't another therapy session, is it?" I groaned. "You're reporting all of this to Dr. Rhodes, aren't you?"

She exhaled a breathy laugh. "No. I just want to know that you're doing okay... You don't talk to me about how you're feeling. Or anyone for that matter."

I leaned forward, resting my elbows against my knees. "Feeling," I emphasised. "I don't think I've got to that step yet."

"Are you taking those sessions seriously?" she asked, resting back and tilting her head up to the sky. "They're to help you."

The guard watched on from the doorway. He pretended he wasn't but as I looked away his head turned back to us.

"Of course I am," I lied with raised brows that matched hers. "How are the others doing?" I questioned. "The others being treated?"

She pulled her lips into her mouth. "They're doing good," she nodded. "They're just taking longer to adjust than you are."

"There are others?" I caught her out.

Her eyes widened for a moment. "Dr. Rhodes didn't tell you that?"

"No."

She kept her lips fixed in a firm line, not moving to meet my stare.

"So, I can't see them?" I pressed.

Julia sighed, dropping her shoulders. "We've never done anything like this before, Em. We can't rush into it." She looked over with sympathetic eyes. "You know they're not going to let you out of here unless you start opening up... We're just trying to understand you. We're here to help."

I scoffed, looking down at the grass. "I'm never getting out of here, Julia. You know that."

"What are you talking about?"

"We're all your little experiments now," I explained, leaning down and pulling at the grass. "They're not going to let us go." I tugged at the strands and scattered them back like dead confetti. The clouds had begun to cover the newly risen sun, leaving the wind to cast a chill between the two of us.

I lifted the sleeve of my hoodie where pinprick needle marks scattered the crease of my elbow against green bruises. It was like my own personal galaxy sitting against my skin.

"There's always going to be more tests..."

She shook her head. "We're just thorough, that's all." Her stare shifted back to the white building, watching silhouettes pass the guard she called Donut. "I got you something, by the way," she said.

"More meds?" I questioned, raising a brow.

Her eyes rolled, glinting with sympathy. "No," she said. "Not more meds."

She reached into the pocket of her lab coat and pulled out two small vials. Inside, submerged in a clear liquid, were a set of blue contact lenses.

"I had these since the day you woke up. The colour turned out to be luck... I wasn't sure if you'd even want them and I know it probably won't fix everything but I thought what's the harm in having a bit of the old Em back?" Her lips curved into a smile. "Plus," she continued. "I want to be able to get you out more... I get the feeling these might make people here more comfortable."

My fingers tingled as she pressed the vials into my palm. They were delicate and fragile, like two eyes staring back at me, waiting.

"To make everyone else more comfortable?"

Her head wavered with uncertainty. "Well..." she hesitated. "That, and I know looking in the mirror didn't do you any favours."

I avoided her gaze. The whole time we'd been out I'd been dreading going back into that room. There was part of me that hoped they'd just taken it out and not bothered to replace it. Dr. Rhodes probably would've ordered them to on account of progress.

"That's what I thought," she said, acknowledging my silence.

"Thank you," I replied, gripping the vials tighter. "I know it might not seem like I'm grateful for what you're doing... But I am." A smile flashed her lips and I was filled with a warmth I hadn't felt in a long time.

"You're one of the hardest people I've worked with, Em."

My smile dropped and the warmth began to wash away like summer rain.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way," she added. "In such a short space of time you've taught me so much about the world. About the Infected... Even about myself. Everything about you is fascinating."

I felt warm once again, and colour started to return to my cheeks like a cherry blossom petal.

"Come on, I can't be the only one you've been talking to. I'm not the only special one here."

She released a breathy chuckle. "I'm trying to turn this into something positive. Would you just accept it, please?"

"Alright," I nodded.

"Come on," she said. "I better take you back before Donut reports me for kidnapping you."

"Would he do that?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't put it past him," she sighed.