What We Become | Book Two

10. Choice

"I should've been with you," I said. "This is my fault."

"I'll be fine." She didn't seem to hear me as her voice got quieter. "I'm not going to turn into one of them."

I pressed my fingertips against her cheeks, wiping away the drops that had begun to merge with the gentle rain. "Em, I don't know how to fix this... I can't fix this."

"No," she said. "This can't be the end. It can't be. We had so much time left..."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. My throat had closed and there was nothing I could've said to reassure her.

My brain scrambled through its limited options, trying to think of something, anything that would save her. Beside me, she screamed, releasing everything. It was filled with pain and anger. A scream of someone who was moments away from losing the time they deserved.

Her blue eyes were heavy with unshed tears and glistened as if they were cut from the stars. When she fell silent, I wiped her cheek with my thumb. The sudden outburst of rage had turned into crying. Where her pain had filled the air, it was now the sound of someone broken, crying beneath the dark clouds that blanketed us.

"This can't be it," she shook.

I looked to her and tried to take in every feature I'd failed to appreciate fully. Her eyes swam with a warmth that had begun to cloud, stealing the colour from them like it would never return.

"I wish I could've met you before all of this," her voice cracked. "Maybe in another life, none of this would have happened and we would've met at EDIN during my internship... It was always supposed to be us."

I tried to smile but I wasn't sure if it even showed on my face. "I remember that day at the beach before we made it to Cornwall," I whispered, my expression fading. "It was the first time I made you laugh." The watery mirage that covered her pupils grew as they looked to me. "I was trying so hard not to fall for you but then you started laughing at my dumb jokes and trying to understand me... I realised that day there was something I couldn't ignore between us and that terrified me... And I'm sorry that I wasn't better to you. You deserved someone better then."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she exhaled, squeezing her eyes shut as she winced in pain. "Apart from when you were lying about who you really were," she half smirked. "That was a dick move."

I almost laughed. "I'll give you that one." I lifted my head and looked at the empty space around us, where the wind blew through the trees, making them tremble. In our moment of desperation, there was only silence to help us. My gaze found the road and the thoughts began to cascade of the possibilities that lay further.

"What if we went to EDIN?"

"What?" she rasped, seeming confused. "Ben, you said there wasn't a cure. That's what you told me... What you told everybody."

"I know but that was before. Maybe there are people there now who have figured something out."

She shook her head and her lips trembled with heavy breaths. "Ben, look at me... It hasn't been that long and I'm already weak. I won't make it to EDIN."

"We still have time-"

"You don't know that, Ben," she winced. The hairs on my arms stood as she said my name, it sounded right from her lips. The tears that covered her pupils were beautiful and reflective and I found myself getting lost.

"You have to kill me," she said finally.

The words were an echo in my head, ringing so loud I was sure that she couldn't have spoken them. The rain created a shield around us and ran down my face as a thin layer, coating my skin.

"Em," I said. "You didn't just say that. We're not discussing that option."

Her thick lashes were heavy with tears that dropped against her cheeks when she blinked. "I don't want to turn into one of them." She lifted a hand toward my face and her thumb grazed my cheek as her brows pressed together. Reaching behind her, she winced as she pulled the gun from her waistband.

"Either you do it, or I will."

"You know I can't do that."

"Please," she said, the words only just escaping her lips. "I want to be able to choose how I die. And I don't want it to be that." Her eyes glanced to the lifeless body beside her, a narrowed hatred in her stare.

"I've had to watch everybody else around me die," I said. "I'm not letting it happen to you."

"This isn't your choice to make," her breath hitched.

Her gaze was unmoving from mine and I couldn't help but become lost in her features. There was something about her eyes, the look she gave me, that made me feel at home. It was comfort and warmth combined, a flock of birds flying against a sunset, delicate and beautiful.

I only nodded as I took the weapon from her grip. I'd used the gun numerous times but when I held it this time, it felt unfamiliar. I couldn't adjust my grasp and it felt heavier than it should have been. Em still sat watching the clouds above her, letting the rain fall down her face. It was a moment of peace and pure bliss that nothing should've interrupted. A moment of final tranquillity.

I clenched my knuckles around the metal and pressed the barrel against her skin. Her wide eyes fluttered shut and her breathing steadied. She was calm.

But I couldn't do it.

"Do you trust me?" I said, lowering the gun.

She looked up through rain-soaked lashes. "You know I do," she murmured. "Please..."

I pulled her body closer to mine and pressed my lips against her forehead. The warmth of her skin was beginning to fade away and I could feel myself losing her, slipping away each second that passed. My arms slipped behind her shoulders and under her knees and I lifted her, holding her tight against my chest.

"Ben!" she cried out, thrashing at my body with the remaining strength she had. "Please don't..."

"It's okay," I said.

She fought harder but her energy was weakening. "Stop! Please..."

"It'll be okay."

The outburst didn't last long. Her consciousness slipped as I brought her to the truck and lay her in the passenger seat. As I shut the door, I slipped the gun into the waistband of my jeans, where she couldn't get hold of it.

The Transition had already begun lacing through her veins and attacking her blood cells. I couldn't stop the guilt that tugged at my chest. Everything that was happening to her, I could stop it in a second, but I wouldn't.