Life Goes On

chapter twenty

beep beep beep beep

Whats that sound? 

A heart rate monitor?

My head is killing me, it feels like I just got hit in the side of the head with a hammer.

The pressure on my eyes was heavy, enough to make opening them seem like a challenge, a slither of light was let in and it felt blinding. I had no strength in my body at all, the room I was in was unfamiliar and way too white for my liking, I was definitely in a hospital room and... in a hospital bed? Okay think, what happened last, I was in a rush to get somewhere, school? No no who'd run to school anyway, I was trying to get to someone. I was running across the road and a car lost control, I remember someone yelling at me, ambulance sirens, people screaming. That's right, I was in a car accident, but wasn't I on the way to hospital already? 

Who is it

That face infront of me, the one I was reaching to but could never touch.

Their name, his name.

Kuroo.

"KUROO" 

My body shot up in a swift movement, my eyes completely awake, I was hooked up to an IV machine along with an oxygen mask pressing against my cheeks. I took the mask off and scanned the room, this wasn't the ward Kuroo was on, but wait a second- why wasn't I injured? I could of sworn that car hit me pretty hard, did I get lucky, what if I fainted from shock but the car actually swerved me. That didn't matter right now, I needed to find him.

"Well well look who's finally awake. Mr Kenma Kozume we knew you'd pull through!"

Who the hell was that? My eyes shifted to a plump looking man with a plastic smile stuck to his face, he had dark bags under his eyes and looked like the only source of energy he had left was being provided by caffeine. Was he a doctor? I hadn't see him before which was surprising since I was here every day with Kuroo.

Right! Kuroo.

"Can I-" My voice came out as a raggedy whisper causing the doctor to let out a bellowed laugh, he poured me a glass of water and explained how it may be a little weird speaking right now, I'm not really sure why considering my throat didn't seem to be injured. I drank my water hurriedly while pushing the strands of my hair that fell lose to the side. It seemed longer than I remember, definitely time for a haircut after I found Kuroo.

I put the finished glass down and cleared my throat before attempting to speak again.

"Is- is Kuroo here?"

He gave me a baffled look.

"Kuroo? Is that your friend's name?"

"Yes it is, Kuroo tetsuro, I want to see him" The doctors facial expression changed. Something about his fake but cheery smile turned down and suddenly looked serious. He took a second before closing the door and took a seat next to my bed, with each breath he took I felt anxious. 

"I didn't realise the nurse was here before me and told you haha, guess she beat me to it" Nurse? What was he talking about?

"You want to know about your donor yes?"

"M- my what? I want to see Kuroo! What donor, what are you talking about??"

He looked at me rather sadly this time, as if he had begun to sympathize for me, If something really did happen to Kuroo then why couldn't he just come out and say it already instead of hesitating, instead of looking at me like I was crazy. Did Kuroo really- No stop thinking like that. Why was this damn doctor taking so long, just spit it out already.

And with a deep breath. He did.

"Kenma, Mr Tetsuro was your donor. One year ago you were involved in a serious car accident and needed a heart transplant immediately, coincidentally one of our donors, Kuroo, unfortunately passed about an hour before you came in, He was quite ill for some time however brain cancer almost never effects the main organs so his heart was healthy, we made an immediate operation and you fell into a coma as soon as the operation was complete." 

It felt like all the oxygen had been knocked out of me, none of this made any sense, my head was spinning and my chest was pounding. I could feel it, my heart, Kuroos heart thudding inside of me, the day of the fireworks when he made me feel his heart beat, it was the same rhythm, it really was his heart. My cheeks became damp and I lost control of any emotion I had built up. 

Everything was a dream. I never met a man called Kuroo yet here his heart was beating rapidly inside of me, it couldn't of just been a dream, it felt so real, everything felt like he was right there with me, his hair, his skin, his lips, I touched them all with my own two hands.

I was in a form of hysterics for the first time in my life, my fists balled and my body numb, painful sobs escaping my mouth one after the other as I longed to say those three words to the stranger I never met. I clutched my chest in agony, I didn't want his heart, I wanted him. I wanted to say a proper goodbye, I wanted his heart to stop beating so loudly, it was all I could hear, I wanted it to stop. 

I wanted Kuroo. 

I needed him.

2 years later 

Two years had passed since I was discharged, my father had been working from home a lot so he could come and visit me while I was in the hospital. He blamed himself a lot the day I came home, saying he should of been there for me more, what kind of father leaves their son alone for so long. It was selfish of me to say I was happy, I could now say I had a relationship with my father and if I was to be honest with myself, I needed it.

I was now a full time graduate and the CEO of my own gaming business.

It took a while to accept what happened. I was able to speak to Kuroos mother eventually who didn't look much different from what I remembered her as. We had a long chat about kuroo, he loved volleyball and often teased his friend, he wanted to become a donor after his cousin had an operation and required a kidney transplant. He was kind hearted and loved to laugh, just the way I remembered him. The conversation lasted a while before she said her goodbyes and left, it took a lot of processing but time soon passed and Kuroo became a permanent memory in my heart. Quite literally.

I'd often find myself walking past his street, to the house we played games in and walked to school from, no one had  lived there for a while now, cobwebs clung to every corner and the floorboards looked as if they could break at any time. I sat down on the grass and often got lost in thought. Sometimes I'd put my hand on my chest and feel the steady rhythm of the heart beat, even if it was a dream, he really was always going to stay with me.

My thoughts were interrupted when a small squeak like noise came from under one of the lose boards. I fiddled around until it opened, revealing a small creature with fuzzy black hair and covered in mud. He didn't seem to have been there for long, I would of noticed him yesterday if he was, but there was no collar or sign that he belonged to someone. He had large brown eyes that filled with playfulness and a little pink nose that kept rubbing against the side of my hand.

I'm not someone who believed in fate, it  just never appealed to me how a mere coincidence could be seen as some kind of sign to someone else. That was until this mischievous kitten stood before me.

"Welcome back mini Kuro" Heat ran down my cheeks as the tears fell silently, I tucked kuro into my coat to shield him from the wind that had started to pick up. We sat together for a little while longer before it was finally time to go home, I took one more look behind me at the house my best friend used to stay in, the house that lived someone I loved before finally getting to say goodbye.

I placed mini kuro in an empty box before strapping it into my car, I got in the other side and took one last look The house became smaller and smaller as we drove home together, a hand resting comfortably on the right side of my chest.

Someone once said to me, that even though it may not have been said by someone famous, and maybe no one will feel comforted by it, the only person it needs to comfort is standing next to me, I was that person. Those words, that sentence, it was something meant for me and me alone.

Life goes on.