Seven Stitches, Inches, Kisses

Humiliation Feud

"SENPAAII-"
Everyone looked towards the reason for the abrupt stop in Tobi's usually elongated sentence.
Black Zetsu: "Oh"
White Zetsu: "My"
Black and White Zetsu: "God."
Kisame: "Well, what do we have here?"
Itachi: *stares*
Hidan: "BAHAHHAHAAHAA BARBIE GOT A HAIRCUT." He clutched his head in pain at his own loud voice. "Lookin hawt, blondie."
Kakuzu: "Let me guess, Sasori's punishment?"
Pein: "Punishment... That's not nearly as painful enough to make up for the sleep I lost yesterday. You shall know pain."
Other akatsuki members: *groans* "Oh god not this again...."
Pein: "ALMIGHTY PUSH."
Konan: "It's so.... CUUUUUUUUTTTEEE!!!
Deidara got a light blush on his face and didn't say anything at all, surprised at his teammates' reactions... but he really wasn't expecting their leader's. The artist groaned as his back made contact with the hard stone material behind him. "Well that wasn't very nice un..." Dei said weakly, looking directly at the pierced man. Luckily it seemed like Pein did not use his full power as the wall only got a little crack. Or maybe it was just because of Deidara's size.
Sasori came out. "Did you just seriously Almighty Push him, Pein...?"
Pein, feeling that his authority had been challenged, held his hand out to Sasori in the same manner.
"If you try it I will take out every single one of your piercings in your sleep."
Pein lowered his hand.
Konan sat down.
White Zetsu snapped a picture. "Albuuumm."
Itachi stood up. "I won. All you fools lost the game. As stated previously by Hidan, winner gets to choose dinner tonight."
Hidan: "Asshole, you unpaused it!!!"
Itachi: "A deal is a deal."
Kakuzu: "You're so loud..."
Hidan: "OH YEAAAH?! WELL GET USED TO IT." He once again winced from the immense pain of his hangover.
Kakuzu stuck his threads down Hidan's throat and he started choking. Sasori smirked at Deidara.
Tobi was in awe. "Ohhh senpai, you can pull off ANY hairstyle! You look so stylish!"
Sasori shot an unnecessary cold glance at him. Deidara brushed the dust of his shoulders, standing up. "Thanks Tobi un.." He then gave Sasori a look as if to tell him to stop glaring at Tobi.
Konan: "So what do you want? After all you did win..even though it was unfair."
Itach seemed to ignore the unfair part. "Dango."
Kisame: "Umm..Itachi-San dango does not count as dinner, and you ate it yesterday..and the day before that....it's not healthy." 
Itachi: "I said I want dango, that means dango." Hidan who had now recovered rolled his eyes "Sheesh! We'll get you your fucking Dango, but it's not gonna be enough you dicktwat!"
Sasori stared proudly at Dei's hair. "I think my work here is finished..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Oh um, Dei, check to see if your dick is still in place."
Kakuzu was in space looking admiringly at Hidan, although half his face seemed to be pissed.
Itachi continued not to give a fuck about anybody but himself.
Zetsu got up. "I'm going to find my own dinner~ see you in a few." And he disappeared into the ground.
Hidan: "That's so fucking weird..." He turned to Kakuzu. "You know what's even weirder? I had a dream last night. You'd kill me for saying it out loud so I won't.. But yeah some things are just too fucking good to be true. Hah. Hey.... why are you looking at me like that Kaku?"
Tobi: "May I hug Senpai."
Kakuzu: "Look at your arm, stupid."
Sasori shook his head no at Tobi.
Hidan: "....."
Hidan: "SCORE."
"No Tobi you may not have a hug." Deidara gave Sasori a weird look. "If my dick is still in place?! What the fuck un? Did you cut it off..."  He seemed to forget that there were other people in the room. Their heads turned to look at the pair, everyone but Kakuzu confused.
Sasori smiled at the blonde, in a scary way that meant, 'How embarrassing. Hah. Hahahha. HAHAHAHAHAHHA.'
"Deidara... stop being so perverted." He said, passing by him in the kitchen.
Kakuzu wanted to laugh at this major diss, but everyone else fell for it so he couldn't.
Hidan couldn't let it go. "Dei-Dei wants to fuck Sasoriiiiiii" he taunted in a song like chant. Kakuzu decided to speak up. "Sleeping on the cold floor for a long period of time can cause liver problems, and sometimes, in a male's case, to freeze their dick off." He said the last part with a satisfied smirk wanting to see Deidara's reaction. "Sleeping..on the floor un?" The blonde titled his head to the side, confused. Suddenly Deidara remembered ."Oh, sleeping on the floor.. OH!! Shit..."
"Better check, barb- HAH Barbies have long hair nevermind." Sasori said like the asshole he can be. This time Deidara gave the scariest glare he could manage. The blonde growled as his gaze never left his partner. "One more word.. Sasori," He hadn't called his danna by his first name in a very long time. "..and I will personally shave off all your hair while you're fucking sleeping. Maybe give something else a little trim as well."
Other Akatsuki members: "OOOOOOHHH"
Hidan: "So he DOES have a dick. Heh."
Sasori: "How dare you, little brat... You should feel lucky I didn't shave yours. After all, who really deserves that, hm? You do. Because apparently a few strippers can get you harder than when I try. Tch... Touch this crimson and it will be the end of you."
The blonde didn't even spare any of them a glance, ignoring everyone and staring straight at Sasori. "You know what un? Who are you to boss me around? I'm old enough to make my own fucking decisions! I already told you I wasn't in my senses! I was drunk!"
"And why did you get drunk, hm? Because you disrespected me. You completely disregarded what I told you. Listen to me right now. I don't give a damn how old you are-"
Hidan interjected with a snort. "Obviously." Sasori continued.
"-age is no excuse. Neither is intoxication. You got yourself into that situation. Now I thought we could put this behind us after cutting your hair off but it seems that's not so. Now you're turning the situation on me?" He said with a tense yet somehow calm tone.
"I am not turning the situation on you hm! And I did not completely disregard what you told me un! I only broke like what? One rule? And that was not to stay past 12am. You didn't say anything else!" The blonde was desperately trying to think of things to say in his defense. "Then obviously you werent listening... Tch. Anyway, I expect you to buy a new jacket. Make sure it's athletic and red." Deidara protested. "Hey! I wasn't the one who ruined your jacket!! Hidan threw up on it! Blame him!" Sasori protested right back. "You threw up on it. Tobi wouldn't lie. Or Tobi would be a bad boy. Besides, how would you even remember~" Tobi shook his head and pointed to Hidan.
Kakuzu watched them argue.
Kisame half-listened.
Zetsu came back from the ground.
"AYYY! How's everyone.... Oh... Um... Somthin wrong, heh?"
Konan was super sad about this, her feels were on a rollercoaster as she observed her one true pairing. "JUST MAKE UP AND MAKE OUT ALREADY."
Pain was playing as himself in the videogame. Where the hell was Itachi? Out for dango maybe? Hidan was eating popcorn. Tobi was sitting on top of the couch listening intensely.
"You're wrong un! I did NOT throw up on that jacket! I swear! You can't just blame these things on me, you weren't there and you don't know what happened un!" He ignored Konan once again. "Alright..." The red head looked skeptically towards Hidan. "Buy me a new jacket. I'm a medium." He turned back to his partner and sighed. "Sometimes I feel like you really don't respect me. I also feel like I focus on authority too much at times..." He continued. "However... I asked you not only to come back by 12 am, but also to stay safe. That means staying close to Hidan and Tobi so no one tries at you. You think you're so bold sometimes, I swear... And do you seriously expect me to be OKAY with you seeing strippers not to mention getting aroused by it?" The blonde was stressed out. "Well I'm sorry ok un? I tried to stay with these two..but they went off god knows where. Nothing actually happened to me did it? But I promise I won't ever do any of that again.."
Sasori sighed, and his hard demeanor broke a bit. He moved forward, planting a gentle kiss on Deidara's forehead. "Well.. your hangover shouldn't be too rough by tomorrow, babe. Hope that helped hehe. Let's just... stop arguing. I've had enough of it."
Deidara was relieved. "Danna."
Sasori ruffled his newly cut blonde hair. "Brat."