Untold addiction (discontinued )

7

Deciding I don't to go home yet and face my brothers i exit and go to the park where mum use to always take me. So we could have some girl time together since there is  so many boys in the house

it was nice getting at and spending time alone with mom. I was always close with both of my parents but me and mum had a sort of connection that couldn't be broken so when I lost my parents I also lost apart of myself as well.

Thinking of the fond memories I have of my parents a small smile spreads cross my face as i cross the road to bellflower central park it always been a beautiful place as the flowers bloom and happy smiling children are everywhere as they play on the monkey bars

I walked to my favorite bench its in the shade right next to the daisy flower's

I sit down and breathe in the fresh air as a breeze sways against the trees as a heavenly  scent of doughnuts catch my attention

I smell the delicious smell of chocolate and cinnamon doughnuts my stomach grumbles begging for food as a strong urge of hunger comes over me  without even realizing I make my way over to the street vendor as the voices scream at me telling me turn around and walk away telling me I'm fat and disgusting

But I push them to the back of my mind as all I can focus on is the food as my stomach  ache begging for the food to be in my stomach I pull my lunch money at of my pocket and hand it to the street vendor as he hands me over one cinnamon and one chocolate doughnuts I go sit back on my favourite bench then Without a second thought I inhale the food choking in the process the second it's gone a feeling of guilt and disgust washes over me as the voice starts screaming at me

Your so fat eating those doughnuts! Go to the bathroom over there!

Listening to the voice I do what it commands and I walk to the bathroom stalls as the voice tells me to kneel over the toilet bowl put 2 fingers in the back of my throat and vomit up what I just ate fighting with my brain about the outcomes of what I'm about to do 

But a heavy feeling of guilty sets over me thinking of what my brothers must think of me there already disgusted in someone like me and I don't want them to realize how fat I truly am and say it out loud because there the last thing I have left and it will break me if I lose them

even though my brothers probably think of me like every one else what am I even saying  I know for sure they are they are disgusted in me just like everyone else

so I decided to listen to the voice and kneel over the toilet bowl not caring about how gross the bathroom is and just wanting to get the food at of my system before I gain any more weight then my fatass already has

sticking my fingers to the back of my throat as the urge to vomit comes over me as the doughnut I had come at of my system and into the toilet bowl it gave me a sense of proudness and happiness as I keep vomiting till the acid feeling fills my mouth knowing nothing is left in my stomach I get up washing my hands and pull some gum at of my bag dreading  going home to getting yelled at by my brothers for turning of my phone and not telling them where i went
sighing i make the long journey home