Forever

10

Shannon POV:

I can't help but think Amelia and I are not right for each other. We want different things. There is nothing saying that i don't love her so much, its just that i'm 32 and i'm ready for marriage and a family, where as she is 29 and she's not there yet.

But like i just said, im 32, i don't have the time to get back into the dating game in hopes that i will find someone else.

i've been lucky with my loves, ive had three great ones, Cammi, Cari and now Amelia, i guess im proving to be too picky with them, and thats on me, no one else.

i don't know what to do

And this isn't just because Cari has come back into my life, i was thinking it before, it was at the front of my mind when i first started dating Amelia. But i would be lying if i don't think about Cari and i being together in 10 years time in a big house in the hills with three kids running around. 

I can't picture that with Amelia, thats the hardest thing. What's the point of being with someone of you can't picture them fulfilling your dreams with you.

Is it weird that the only person i can think about talking about this to is Cari? Probably

...

I'd decided that i was gonna book myself a weekend away in an AirBnB about a 100 miles away. I needed the detox. 

Just me, a forrest, and my camera. I was gonna turn my phone off and just spend some time alone and in touch with myself, as hippy as that sounds, its what i need.

"i'll be back sunday evening, don't burn the house down while i'm gone please"

I was leaving Jess alone for two days, probably not the wisest of decisions, but i had faith.

It was friday today, and i wasn't returning until sunday night.

After almost two hours of driving, i arrived at my cabin in Big Bear. It was the middle of July so there was no snow, and hardly any other people around.

I sent a final text to Amelia before turning my phone off and then i was alone.

The thought of being alone used to really scare me, but i was good at it now, as long as i have my camera, i enjoy my own company.

It was dark when i arrived so i cooked myself some dinner and just headed to bed, tomorrow i had decided that i was going to get up early and go and watch the sunrise, so i wanted an early night.

...

The two days had passed and it was now sunday and time to head home.

I had done a lot of reflecting this weekend, but was still at a dead end as to what to do with Amelia. i think i need to talk to her about that one.

I packed up my things and got back on the road, having still not turned my phone back on.

As i neared home i decided to stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things, as i needed something for dinner, and i know Jess would not have kept the fridge full.

I was walking through the isles when i saw a figure pushing a cart, a figure i could recognise amongst a crowd of thousands of people

Cari Fletcher.

"Cari Fletcher, fancy seeing you in a Walmart of all places"

"fuck, shannon, you made me jump, what are you doing here"

"sorry, didn't mean to scare you" we laughed "i'm just on my was home, i've been away for the weekend"

"oh, with Amelia? did you have a nice time? where did you go?"

I looked kind of sheepish.

"no, on my own, i needed some time on my own, just me and my camera"

"oh, i see, are you okay? you always were mysterious shannon beveridge"

We both laughed but i figured she didn't want to hear about my issues, that wasn't her job anymore, so we ended the conversation and i headed to the check out.