Positions 🖤 Calum Hood

Treize

-Ava-

I made my doctors appointment. I finally did it. Well Calum made my appointment for me. I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Ava, let's go!" Calum calls me from downstairs, I asked him to come with me because they are going to do a lot of tests on me and my anxiety is through the roof. I just felt so nauseous when we got in the car, Calum could tell that I was so anxious. "Baby, I know it's scary but once we know what's wrong we can make you feel better." Calum kisses my hand, it didn't make me feel better because I hope nothing is wrong with me.

"Here's some paperwork and the HIPPA papers you requested. Take your time filling them out." The receptionist gave me a smile, I took the clipboard and sat next to Calum. "I'm putting you, Kat and Maya down as people to call about my results if I can not be reached." I started to get choked up. I know something is wrong deep down inside. Calum held me while I cried filling out my paperwork. "Miss Cisneros" A nurse calls me in, Calum and I walk to the door and handed the paperwork over before we went back to the exam rooms.

My weight was taken a stop before my exam room. Calum didn't look at my weight which was sweet of him because he knows how I feel about that. "Alright let's take your blood pressure and heart rate." The nurse puts the sleeve around my arm and the pulse reader on my finger.

Calum sat in the chair and watched the nurses every move making sure I wasn't hurting. "Alright and when was your last period?" my heart drops at the question because I realized I haven't had it in months, "I...I can't remember" I tried to think back, I haven't had any symptoms of pregnancy so I don't know what to think. "Here's a cup, bathroom is down the hall write your name and birthday on it and leave it in the cupboard." The nurse hands me a sterile cup, Calum had a confused look but it was normal routine for a woman.

"It's a pregnancy test and they also check for STDs." I explained to Calum when I came back. "Oh okay." Calum was quiet, I could tell he was nervous about the results because we haven't used condoms since we started living together. About 10 minutes later the doctor comes in with a smile "Hello Miss Cisneros, and Mr Hood. I'm Dr. Morris." She shook our hands, the tension in the air was thick. "Alright, your test came back negative for everything which is good! but that doesn't explain why you haven't had your period in months." Morris rifles through her papers in the folder.

I had some relief but still scared because something is wrong. Calum sighed in relief, "Ava, tell me what's going on?" she sits on the swivel stool ready to write. "I'm not self, I'm tired more than usual, I feel bad all the time. and I haven't had my period in months." I listed everything off, my eyes glanced at Calum who was hunched over with his fingers in his hair tugging on his locks.

He was stressed and scared out of his mind. "Okay Let's get you to the lab and have your blood drawn and we will wait for the results in here." Dr Morris escorted me the lab and Calum stayed in the exam room. The nurse had me sit on a tall chair while they draw my blood, 6 different vials were taken. I walked back to my room where Calum was anxiously waiting.

We sat in silence for an hour. Calum hasn't looked at me and I wish he would comfort me. "We have your results from the test we have done...we found that your thyroid isn't working, so that explains weight gain, tiredness and your periods. You have hashimoto's disease, it is a autoimmune disease where the immune system attacks your thyroid which plays a big role for your body. Ava due to the disease you are infertile. I am going prescribe you medication to take every day. We will need you to come back every few months to keep an eye on your T-cells make sure you're okay." Dr. Morris finished up with me, I am glad that there is no cancer but just a lifelong disease.

Infertile. I didn't think I would be so hurt by that word. I know I never actively wanted to have kids but I feel less of a woman. Calum and I went home haven't spoken a word since we arrived at the doctors office. Calum went to his music room and I went to the bedroom. I knew he was upset like me. I couldn't take the silence and went to the music room.

I let myself in and found Calum playing his bass. He looked up and set his bass down, he gets off the couch and engulfs me in a hug. "I don't know why I'm so upset." I cried into his shirt. "I feel horrible because I can't give you kids..." "Hey! Don't ever feel that way. Kids was always a maybe. I'm glad we went and now we can get you feeling better." Calum wipes away my tears.

We sat on the couch and I just watched Calum play me songs. This brought me back, I remember sitting with him on tour and we would have days like this where we sit and play music until the show. "I love your hair in your face. I wouldn't dare let you down" Calum softly sings to me. If Walls Could Talk the second song about me. I give Calum a weak smile, he continues to sing to me. His voice is beautiful and brings me the most comfort. My eyes felt swollen and dry from the crying. I could feel my breathing go back to normal.

"Cmon here baby." Calum pulls me on his lap after he put the bass down. "I know we talked about kids, Ava that's just not in our stars and it's okay." Calum brings me in closer to him. Calum was right. We are all about fate. Our fate is being together and not having kids. It's not in our stars. "I'm trying to process all of this. Thank you for being understanding." I kiss his cheek. "I want you to be healthy because I want us to grow old together." Calum chuckles. I love this man so much that.