Fragmented Morality

Ch. 3

This one particular morning had been hectic. I, like some others, rose with the sun, starting my day with the first ray of light. Unlike others, though, my reason was to soak in the peace you could only experience when the birds first started chirping. It was a time when my shoulders didn't ache from tension, a moment where the pain from my battered body washed away, being released with every breath of crisp morning air.

Every morning I would allow myself to indulge in the feeling for just a minute, but that was it, afterwards, I would get straight back on guard as I helped around the camp, waiting for my mother and sister to wake up.

My family was split into two tents, one with me and Sophia, the other with mum and Ed. They were set up beside each other, a safe distance away from our campfire. Since the first night where we set up camp, more and more people have arrived, calling this place their home. It would have been difficult to fit everyone around one fire which is why we were all split up.

The original group had one fire while the rest shared with their own people. The only exception was my family, we didn't sit with the people we arrived with because if Ed was anything, he was controlling. He didn't want us to get any ideas or have others intervene with his family affairs, so he made sure to isolate us from everyone else.

I estimated there to be a good two-three hours before most of the camp woke up, that included my family. Deciding to use this time to assist Glenn and the other supply-run team members pack the van, I walked over, silently lifting things into the vehicle. I never developed social skills, but I did learn how to pull my own weight. I refused to let my mother or sister out of my sights when Ed was about which made it hard to contribute throughout the day, that's why I tried to make up for it during the early hours.

At this point most people tried to respect my boundaries, only engaging me in necessary conversations while keeping an appropriate distance. I appreciated it.

After packing the van, I moved onto other random tasks around the camp such as collecting firewood from the surrounding trees, just biding time until mum or Sophia stirred. There wasn't a lot to be done until certain other tasks were completed, but those were designated to certain people. Meaning, my morning from then on was boring.

Eventually, in the later morning, everyone else woke up and a supply team was created this time instead of sending one of the men, Glenn, off on his own. They were sent off into the city to gather food, medicine and other necessities, but their only real job was to come home safely.

As for the rest of us, we went about our day like any other, doing things here or there, but otherwise, people just conversed with each other, forming bonds, as if we were on some sort of a holiday camping trip: there to make friends, tell stories and pass the time in company.

●

After a long day of waiting, the group came back with some supplies and a new face, one that belonged to the 'dead' father of Carl Grimes. A few surprised looks and one touching reunion later, the evening light faded to navy blue, indicating night had fallen. Everyone sat at their respective fires, the one with Lori, Shane and Carl being especially lively with everyone's attention set solely on the new member, Rick Grimes. They all actively listened as he recalled his experiences from before he made it here. I might not have been good with crowds, but what I wouldn't give to be over there rather than where I sat, a good one and a half metres away with my mum, Sophia and Ed.

Not one person out of the four of us made an attempt to hold a conversation, instead, we sat in a suffocating silence, one I was all too familiar with. It spoke of untold threats, ones we could recite off the top of our heads. Don't cause trouble. Don't speak. Don't. Make. Friends. These were some of the many warnings I received in my life. They were now rules I lived by, fear as my ruler. Every night was spent this way since the beginning and long before. We still weren't able to complain without incurring his wrath. Nothing had changed.