Devil May Care - Deckerstar

Chapter 13: Let the truth sting

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of abortion, voluntary pregnancy termination before term, coaxing someone into aborting, etc. If any of that triggers you, I suggest you don't read between the moment Kinley finds out and the moment the flashback ends.

"Mommy, can we go to that same park we went yesterday? I'm bored," the then nine-year-old said, hoping her mother would adhere to her antics, and hopefully also take her to the gelato place that was conveniently in the corner. The idea of being out of the US had sounded fun, but when she noticed that all her mother would do once they got there was mope around and go to the library for unhealthily long periods of time, things quickly began to turn unbearingly boring for the child in question.

"Sure, monkey. I just gotta go to the bathroom first, okay?" Chloe answered, to which Trixie simply nodded. She really wanted to get out of that hotel room they had rented. "Why don't you put on some cartoons on the TV while you wait, huh?" Chloe suggested, hoping that the nerves running alongside her blood weren't bleeding through her voice. She really didn't want to worry her darling daughter.

"They're all in Italian and I can't understand them!" The nine-year-old complained, on the verge of pulling her puppy eyes on her mother. "It's no fun that way,"

"Baby, I just need you to give me a moment alone, okay?" Chloe asked more directly, looking at her daughter in her beautiful, chocolate eyes. "I promise we'll go to the park and get some gelato once I'm done." The detective didn't wear her badge and gun for no reason, and was quick to understand that her daughter's main point of interest was the gelato store in the corner of the park, not the park itself.

After Trixie agreed with a nod and a direct request for her cellphone, as she didn't really have much to entertain herself with, Chloe was finally able to walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind her, letting her nerves run wild and do what they pleased with her. She had to do it, there was no use in postponing the inevitable.

With shaky hands, she reached for the bottom drawer under the bathroom's sink, pulling out the most dreadful purchase she'd made in that whole year: a pregnancy test. The instructions were clear, although they were in Italian. Chloe just had to trust that all pregnancy tests worked the same around the globe, and the one that she had bought would have to do. It was really simple, she just had to open the box, pee on a little cup the test came with, dip the stick for five seconds and then wait the longest three minutes of her life. She'd done it before, even after having Trixie, since pregnancy scares could sometimes happen.
Her hands grew shakier by the minute, and without actually wanting to, she decided she had to bring light to her situation, she just couldn't keep postponing it. And so, she tore open the box (because there was no way her unsteady hands would be able to open it without breaking it) and peed in the little plastic cup, so nervous she could feel her own heartbeat inside her head.

Making herself dip the test in the little cup was an entirely different odyssey. It took her about half an hour to uncap the test and dip it because while she was in the unknown, everything was okay. And it wasn't really the case, everything was not okay, but at least she had the doubt, not the certainty. Who would have known that, once she finally forced herself to dip it for just short of five seconds, the wait would be half as short and not at all agonizing.

Watching the little window in the test go from white, to pink, to two clearly defined lines took less than a minute. Dare she say, even less than thirty seconds. Logically speaking, she was almost ten days late to her period, which put her further along in her pregnancy and, therefore, it was easier for the test to detect it. On the other hand, though, it felt like a huge bucket of ice cold water being dumped over her head, soaking her in the coldest, most cruel of temperatures.