[🎧: Truth Is - Sabrina Claudio]
📎"I like someone else."
It was so stupid how I would act giddy for another guy when the truth was, I only had my eyes on you.
I may have had short little crushes on other boys but what did it matter? I had been in love with you. I just wasn't aware how deeply. I was so good at pretending I care less that I even got myself fooled.
I thought I didn't care. I thought I would carry that thought on for the rest of my life. I didn't know the pretensions would wear off some years later. I didn't know I cared this much until the regrets started surging in. They came in all shapes and sizes in random times a day. I was awfully overwhelmed.
I didn't have such deep feelings for the guy who danced well. I did have the feelings, but for you.
——
I HAVE LOST COUNT
i.
I have lost count of
the poems I wrote for you, and
the times I thought of you
in all the starry and starless nights.
You've been black and white,
red and blue; I've seen you
in glorious technicolor in my mind
as I dreamed of every scenario
where I'd be with you and where
all we know is that you are mine
and I love you.
I've lost count of
the sighs that draw your face,
the invisible vandalism of your name
(the invisible graffiti of your name I'd draw)
on every wall I would zero in on.
I've lost count of
the many sheep between my
iris and closed lids;
the times I've longed for you.
ii
you are the stars
in my galaxy of thoughts—
countless.
i am your clouds,
so near you yet so far still.
I have lost count
of the kilometers and miles
that separate our hearts,
when really,
we both know,
that each of us is just a call away,
a poem away,
a nudge away,
one pint of courage away.
and boy have I lost count
of the miserable attempts
of conquering the gap
filled with maybes and doubts,
maybe you're still in love,
maybe you're not.
afterall, it has been a long time,
si how can you possibly be?
iii.
I have lost count of
the many times I have named you
my regret,
five, four, three, too many times,
You are accountable
for the uncountable seconds spent
on wishful thinking,
maybe you're feeling the same way,
maybe you want me back.
I wonder if you've lost count as well
of the times you've thought of me
and of wanting me back in your life,
the same way that I did,
the same way that I do.
—C l a n d e s t i n e
YOU ARE READING
All My Lies
RandomThis is really just a record of all the lies I regret telling, showing, and believing; all the lies that have hurt both of us and our bond; all the lies and what I really meant to say or do for you. Really, I was just writing away the regret of lett...
