[🎧: Lie To Me - 5 Seconds of Summer]
📎"I don't have feelings for you."
I still remember the feel of your cold hands wrapped around my wrists the last time you gathered your courage to confront me and ask all of your questions. Everything around us blurred out—you caught me off guard. You see, I had been trying to avoid your gaze that whole day because I had the feeling this will happen. My gut had felt the ominous vibe the first time I had met your eyes that very morning, four years ago.
I wish I had told you the whole truth during that humbling, baring moment. Remembering how your eyes glossed up as you told me your spill, I really wish I did. I regret not giving back the equal amount of vulnerability and truth that you had given. You had shown me your whole heart, but I had given you not even a quarter of mine.
I wish I hugged you longer. And tighter. But then of course, we cannot go back in time. I just hope you felt the words that I didn't have the courage to say through the brief hug that we did share. I hope you felt my sincerity when I had told you I was very sorry. After having heard your pain and your why's, I was truly the most sorry.
You were so beautiful that day. You looked so neat, your hair was handsomely done, you looked extra tall, you smelled good—and yet there you were in front of me, heart exposed. Looking back, I don't think I deserved your heart. The old me wouldn't be able to handle your big heart and the massive love you carry. I was broken, and lost, and misguided. I don't think you deserve any less than you were ready to offer.
When you asked me why I took distance, I made up some last minute lame excuse. I saw your sad-eyed smile and sadness brimmed up my heart. I regret not building up the courage to bare my feelings as well. I regret not entrusting my vulnerability when it had been the perfect chance to.
This might be a little too late to say but I still would like to clear some things up: I did have feelings for you.
——
You are the poetry I write
the emotion that fills this heart,
and I wonder with fear, if without you,
how deadly for my heart it will be so.
— C l a n d e s t i n e
YOU ARE READING
All My Lies
RandomThis is really just a record of all the lies I regret telling, showing, and believing; all the lies that have hurt both of us and our bond; all the lies and what I really meant to say or do for you. Really, I was just writing away the regret of lett...
