Sparks

Chapter 36

The rest of that day and the next pass in a haze. Delores and I don't talk much and she doesn't comment on my silence, as she is equally nervous.

I lay in my bed on the day before the capture is scheduled to happen, unwilling and quite possibly unable to get up. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to fall back asleep and avoid my mentors or perhaps even curl up and cry, but I know if I do that they'll get mad at me. And an angry Jacob or Carrie means either bruises from training that last for weeks or a lecture and hours watching videos of events I'd rather forget.

My muscles might as well creak like a rusty hinge as I lift myself out of bed and walk heavily over to my closet. Even getting dressed is a struggle because my limbs have turned to lead and honestly I'd like nothing more right now than to just fall back asleep half-dressed, screw the consequences.

But I have a job to do.

I swing my backpack over my shoulder again and go downstairs.

"Hey, guys."

They barely look at me. It would appear that my words have interrupted an animated discussion. Probably about me or Sparky, as those are the two main topics nowadays.

"Hello, Aryn. Have fun on patrol."

"Remember to try not to compromise our capture plans," Jacob reminds me. I roll my eyes.

"'Course. Later."

I walk out the door and then to my car where I start the engine and press on the gas.

The drive is long and monotonous, as always. The scenery never changes and I've been here for two and a half months. Still summer. Still hot. Still green and brown. That's Kansas.

I remember how naive I was when I first arrived. I thought everything would go my way, just because I wanted it to. I was weak.

Am I strong now, I wonder?

Do I regret accepting their proposition? It's a question that has been endlessly turned around in my head. If I hadn't, I would not have been asked to kill. I would not have been asked to go near something that can easily kill me. I may have to watch my friends die but if I hadn't accepted their proposition, they wouldn't even have been my friends.

How long's it been since I've talked to my other friends? At least two months. For the first few weeks I texted everyone endlessly, but it kind of petered out after a while. I still text my parents every so often, but God knows there are a lot of messages going unread.

I wonder if my life would be better had I not gone with Jacob and Carrie. I still don't know if I regret it. My life has certainly gotten interesting, but that's about all I can say about it. I've made some new friends, and a new enemy, though to be fair that one enemy doesn't always seem so villainous.

Of course, most people would never think of themself as the villain. Most people don't have 'evil' written on every day of their calendar. I don't even know if Sparky has a calendar. Hell, I don't even know if Sparky can write.

I sigh gustily. What's done is done. I can't change it now. Too late.

... Too late.

--

I pull into Delores's driveway and climb out of the driver's seat. She's sitting on the porch like usual, looking rather melancholy.

"Hello, Delores," I say. She looks up at me.

"Oh, hello, dear." I sit down on the bench. Delores looks toward the street.

"You know, after you came around yesterday, the girl seemed sad."