A Sun and Star [dreamnotfound]

Coalescence

I took in a deep breath. "Bye George."

He took in one as well, "Bye Clay."

He gave me one last look before closing the door. I could see his eyes were wet. Then the door closed and he was gone for good. 

***

I was numb. Like a dried-out lake, emptiness was the only thing that filled my heart. A hole manifested in my chest, devouring whatever happiness I had left.

I lay in my bed for days. I would only get up to use the bathroom and fill Patches's bowl. Sapnap would come into my room intermittently to give me food and to try and talk but words wouldn't come out even if I tried. I wasn't hungry, eating a few bites from the meals he would give me. The days and nights passed like a light switch being turned on and off. I had no concept of time, everything just seemed to move unbearably slow as if the universe was giving me my final punishment.

I felt dead. Sure as hell looked it too. I was but a body passing through life. There were moments where I wasn't numb but it was not happiness that took its place but deeply woeful nostalgia. My face was permanently stained with tears that I wouldn't even remember crying.

Sapnap eventually left. He tried his best to convince me to let him stay and even proposed staying at a hotel in case I didn't want him at home just so he could check on me. But I refused. He had a life to live, school to attend. It was more important than stupid self-pitying me. It was funny, I lay curled up in blankets, hating myself for not being able to move on all the while continuing to do what I hated. My mom and sister would occasionally visit, bringing me baked treats and my laundry they washed. If it wasn't for them and Nick, I just might have rotted away. 

It was Friday, two weeks after George had left. Wow, was that really how I had started defining time. Maybe I should have said 14 days A.G. (after George). I was laying on my bed like usual, tiredly scrolling through Twitter. It was all the usual stuff: Bad posting about Rat, Skeppy tweeting about Bad, Quackity posting streams etc. I felt a new type of sadness come over me. All my friends were continuing to live their lives, while I sat there, doing nothing, crying every day like a high schooler after a breakup. 

Curious, I went to the Dream hashtag. It was full of threads of people speculating as to where I was. Although I normally didn't stream and only posted a couple of videos a month, I would always regularly update my socials which I hadn't done. I scrolled through the comments, reading miscellaneous ones. 

"Guys, we should stop talking about where he is. If he's taking a break, that's his decision." 

I smiled at the comment. As quickly as I had, my face dropped.

"I think the three of them had a fight. George seems sadder on his streams plus they haven't streamed together for a while."

Did George really look sadder? No, I shouldn't ask myself dangerous questions like that. I can't seek validation from someone else's misfortunes. Plus, I doubt I could look at George's face without breaking down. We hadn't talked since he left.

I closed twitter quickly, getting away from all the speculation. My thumb hovered over the discord app. Since I had gone on shutdown, everyone had messaged asking if I was alright. Funnily enough, the first one to message me was good ol' Tommy. I clicked it hesitantly. I went to all the chats filled with "are you okay?"s and "hope you're doing well dream!"s. The sweet messages warmed my heart a little. It was selfish of me to drop off the face of the Earth and make everyone worry; maybe I should send out a quick message. I headed over to Twitter once again and opened a new tweet.

"I've been taking a break, no need to worry. Will get back to streams and youtube soon." I typed out. Before I could rethink my decision, I tweeted it and switched off my phone, throwing it to the side.